To think that having children turns your life into a long series of things you don’t want to do?

[Cheekysquirrel]

Does anyone else find this? I spend my life basically doing things I don’t want to do but obviously I do them for my children’s sake.
I don’t want to watch ds play rugby / football in the cold / rain while trying to entertain a bored dd.
I don’t want to take dd to boring toddler / preschool parties.
I don’t want to go to soft play.
I don’t want to troop them to swimming lessons and have the hassle of getting them ready before / after.
I really really don’t want to go to any more adventure farms
I don’t want to do boring trails around places like national trust properties

Argh. I am a terrible selfish parent clearly but I am so BORED. Today I’m taking them to some children’s museum. Ds(9) is moaning already because he will have to be removed from his iPad which he had for Christmas. They will fight while we are out. So it’s not even like they are grateful / enjoy it themselves!
I would love to be able to go to the shops and have a look and get some lunch, on my own.

Aibu? Is parenting just always this dull?

But you could leave him with the kids at home and go shopping and have a quiet lunch or coffee, surely.

Yep, then they turn into teenagers who are generally selfish, disrespectful, vile and obnoxious - but eventually they become human again (I am told)

OP, yanbu. I totally agree with you.

Dh is always too busy to come with us so it’s just me and the kids 😬

This puts a very different spin on things. I enjoy NT walks / coffees cause I have dh with me or a friend. Just me and 5yr olds really not so much fun.

DS wants to play football? Then he has to accept the lift share half the time. Don't be a pushover, use this as currency. You have the right not to be his slave.

God I love being a parent, I adore my children, I wouldn't choose anything else.....but that doesn't mean I love all days out and daily tasks. I personally hate going to the playground for instance.

I would have loved to just curl up in bed and binge watch Netflix's all day today but the kids have needs - I took them skating instead. I do miss the odd slothful day I must admit. On the other hand I feel that there is likely plenty of loneliness ahead once they are grown so I try to treasure it now. Parenting for me is joy mixed with guilt, mixed with worry, mixed with joy, mixed with guilt......repeat

I still can’t understand why you are doing things no one in the family enjoys. I know loads of people with happy healthy children who don’t spend their days at NT, it’s not obligatory Tell DH you are really struggling right now and ask him if there is something he and the kids might enjoy doing together without you for a few hours, they will still be alive and well at the end of it and he will be fine. Sadly men seem to find it a lot harder than us when they feel like they are being dragged to stuff they don’t want to do! I’d feel really resentful if my DH never did anything and I was doing it all the time.

You could always hand them a tablet and screw about on the computer. I’m not saying all the time or anything but for a little bit.

I now have the luxury of time to do whatever I want, but how I miss the old days of ferrying them to sporting fixtures, swimming lessons, band practice, etc.

As mine get older 17 dts and Dd 20 (now not at home) increasingly I am beginning to see glimpses of this. I’m not completely there yet, my teens are still pretty full on in some ways, but there are times now where I can see ahead to a peaceful time.

I guess then I should also be saying how I miss all that. But actually I don’t. Sorry but after 20 years of dashing off to things because I have to, Im revelling in not having to.

Did you ever enjoy that stuff? Nine years is a long time of hating something yet still doing it so I doubt it’s the case.

Maybe OP you are a little down right now and you need to take action to change this.

Most people need to spend some time alone, even extroverts. Won’t DD get free hours at pre school now? You don’t sound like you take any time with an ADULT friend or family member you can relate to either?

I feel a bit naff right now for different reasons but I know it will pass.

I agree there are some crap bits but I love the stuff I do because of the DC that I wouldn't otherwise do eg ice skating, nail salon trips with DD, roller skating, trips to the cinema to see The Meg (highly recommended as Jason Statham is half naked throughout).

Plus the general joy that children bring. The funny stuff they say, the random cuddles, the joy they find in the unlikeliest places.

I also think I'm healthier for having them. I love booze and parties but have massively reined it in post children as even two glasses of wine gives me a hangover now and I can't cope with my children with a hangover. And I make a big effort to cook proper food for them whereas otherwise I might just have cereal for supper.

Maybe you're just in that tough bit when they're tiny and really exhausting. Mine are better the older they get.

Definitely try and get some free time if you can -babysitter/oh/grandparents etc.

I feel like this sometimes but it is relieved by the fact that DS is often a joy.

You are not alone though. It can feel like endless tasks.

How about admitting that you actually want to do these things?
When it comes down to it, there is a pay off.
Why are you doing it?
Once you accept that you’re making the choice to do it, you might start to think more positively about it.
There’s no need for negativity and misery to build up.

I adore my D.C. but agree with other posters that plenty of aspects of parenting aren’t a bundle of fun.

I mean does anyone like taking their D.C. to swimming lessons?

I would guess that at least half of the issue is that your OH won't join in.
First, identify why he's so "busy" and agree that he reserves enough time to be with his family, including staying with or taking the kids away on his own to give you some you time. If necessary find yourself an activity that it's your own and everyone knows it's your time. It could be a read a book hour or even a weekly lunch out.
Second, discuss with your OH what activities to do with the children and agree on split ferrying/watching even if you take DS and he collects him.
Third, agree that there's no sulking or going off on anyone's own. If he goes to the car sulking, you leave the children in the car with him and carry on with the museum/estate house or go to a coffee shop to relax.

I don't blame you OP as your situation is harder than a lot of parents, but isn't this sort of like life in general. I hate going to work, it's so boring. But if I were to lose my job or retire, I'd also be bored. If I'm out I feel tired and wish I had a day off to relax. When I have one I relax with TV and my phone but by the end of the day I'm lethargic, sore eyes and feel terrible. Sometimes I find my husband annoying but when I was single I was terribly bored and lonely. Can't win basically.

YANBU at all, OP.

Which is why some of us worked this out before having children and decided that, on balance, it was a crap idea. Hence ‘child free by choice’, the key word, of course, being ‘free’.

I think mainly he doesn’t want to? It’s not unknown on the odd occasion we do go out together for him to go off in a sulk and go and sit in the car.

What happens if you go and sit in the car and sulk op? What does he do with his children? You say he is busy, but what is he busy doing? Does he do any of the domestic/childcare stuff or do you just do it all? does he know that doing all the boring childcare stuff isn’t what you want to be doing with your life or do you just do it to keep the peace?

Not sure why people have mentioned mother and baby groups as being hell. Unlike soft play and playgrounds m+b groups are literally just for the mother. The baby doesn't know or care they are there and doesn't get anything out of them. So obviously don't go if you hate them! I've never been to one and I'm perfectly happy with that.

If he dislikes the activities you choose and organise, what does HE propose you all do? Does he do much on his own with the DC?

Coming out then sulking is shit.