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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at dd16..

233 replies

pizzabadger · 30/12/2018 18:44

Because I cant ask her to look after her little brothers for half an hour without a massive argument?

She was sitting on her phone doing fa and I asked her to watch them so I could have a bath and she went off in a massive strop.

Apparently it's completely unfair and I'm a slave driver because she watched them while I was making the dinner.
Nevermind that I watched them alone all day while she was out with her friends.

She has now stormed off to her dad's,no doubt to tell him how I'm all the arseholes, and I'm left alone with two toddlers again.

OP posts:

DanielleEvans · 30/12/2018 18:46

Lol teenagers! Have a glass of wine chick :)

Julianaa · 30/12/2018 18:46

YANBU, DD is BU.

However, Nevermind that I watched them alone all day while she was out with her friends. is a weird thing to say as you are their DM so it would be odd to think of you and DD as sharing the childcare responsibilities.

ihearttc · 30/12/2018 18:47

Its not often I respond on AIBU but in this case you are definitely being unreasonable.

They are your children and your responsibility not your 16 year old daughters.

SmilingButClueless · 30/12/2018 18:48

Do you often ask your DD to watch her brothers?

Not unreasonable to ask her to help out, but if it’s becoming a frequent expectation then I can see that this might be the final straw.

PixiKitKat · 30/12/2018 18:48

TBF, I've been in her position. You can't complain Nevermind that I watched them alone all day while she was out with her friends you chose to have them! She didn't! I resented my parents for making me look after siblings all day. They shouldn't have been my problem.

How old are they? Do they really need to be watched 24/7? Can't she be on her phone whilst their in the room?

TeenTimesTwo · 30/12/2018 18:49

You need to point out what you do for her, and say of she doesn't help you out occasionally then you will have less energy to e.g. give her lifts or whatever.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 30/12/2018 18:50

However, Nevermind that I watched them alone all day while she was out with her friends. is a weird thing to say as you are their DM so it would be odd to think of you and DD as sharing the childcare responsibilities.

I agree. This is the sort of thing you'd say in reaction to the children's DF refusing to look after them. Very odd to say it about DD not looking after her siblings.

Theimpossiblegirl · 30/12/2018 18:51

Nevermind that I watched them alone all day while she was out with her friends.
Your kids not hers. Yabu here I'm afraid.
Yanbu to ask for occasional help but she is not your childcare.

cowfacemonkey · 30/12/2018 18:51

I can imagine being a teenager with much younger siblings can be a bit like hard work and it’s not really her problem that you have them all day alone, you’re their parent not her.
That said it’s not unreasonable to expect some help around the house from a teenager.

adaline · 30/12/2018 18:51

What do you mean you've watched them all day?! They're your children!

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 30/12/2018 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BitchQueen90 · 30/12/2018 18:52

Half an hour while you have a bath isn't unreasonable.

But Nevermind that I watched them alone all day while she was out with her friends er, so what? They are your kids and your responsibility. Not hers!

covetingthepreciousthings · 30/12/2018 18:53

Nevermind that I watched them alone all day while she was out with her friends

Agree with pp that this is an odd comment. Watching toddlers isn't really her responsibility, so I think you are being a bit unreasonable..
depends how much you ask her to watch them though. If it's not very often then yanb completely unreasonable.

CloserIAm2Fine · 30/12/2018 18:53

YABU to compare you watching them while she’s out with her friends to her watching them while you have a bath. They’re you’re kids that you chose to have, not hers and not her choice.

How often to you ask her to watch them and how old are they? Keeping an eye on a sleeping baby is very different to actively playing with a toddler

Original poster

pizzabadger · 30/12/2018 18:54

I know they're my responsibility but dh works away and I don't have any family who can help so it would be nice to get some help from my dd sometimes

OP posts:

Bluebellsarebells · 30/12/2018 18:54

I can see both sides.
You need the help and I'm sure you do a lot for your daughter, she didn't choose to have 2 young children, she should be free to go out with her friends without owing you.
Maybe watching them at dinner was enough.
Where is the boys dad?

SoyDora · 30/12/2018 18:55

Well I agree she’s BU to have a strop about watching them while you have a bath, but they’re your DC. You chose to have them. She doesn’t have childcare responsibilities towards them.

adaline · 30/12/2018 18:55

I know they're my responsibility but dh works away and I don't have any family who can help so it would be nice to get some help from my dd sometimes

Which is fine but ultimately it's not her job to look after them. How much do you expect her to help on a day-to-day basis, really?

MrsJDornan · 30/12/2018 18:56

I was with you until Nevermind that I watched them alone all day while she was out with her friends

They aren't hers to watch, won't hurt her to keep an eye for you but she's 16 and not the parent

SoyDora · 30/12/2018 18:56

I know they're my responsibility but dh works away and I don't have any family who can help

That’s not really her problem though is it? How often is she asked to watch them? How old are they?

UnknownStuntman · 30/12/2018 18:56

So she did help you, but you're ungrateful and want her to help more instead of being a kid herself?

Lovely parent, aren't you?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 30/12/2018 18:57

So she has already watched them for you today. Why can't you just have a bath when they are in bed.

brizzledrizzle · 30/12/2018 18:58

Wait until they are in bed, that's what I've always done. It's fair enough to expect them to help round the house at her age - washing up, emptying bins, whatever but not watching siblings for you to have a bath.

BitchQueen90 · 30/12/2018 18:59

How do you think single parents manage with young DC when they are making dinner/trying to shower? I've managed to do that every day alone since DS was 10 months old.

horsesheep · 30/12/2018 19:00

Yabu for making her look after them. You wouldn't be unreasonable for asking her to look after them, and then accept no as an answer. They're not her children and not her responsibility. Are the children very boisterous and rude to her? She could be putting up such a fight because she finds it too stressful.

Never mind that I watched them all day while she was out with her friends.
So you should. You're their mum.

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