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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed at dd16..

233 replies

pizzabadger · 30/12/2018 18:44

Because I cant ask her to look after her little brothers for half an hour without a massive argument?

She was sitting on her phone doing fa and I asked her to watch them so I could have a bath and she went off in a massive strop.

Apparently it's completely unfair and I'm a slave driver because she watched them while I was making the dinner.
Nevermind that I watched them alone all day while she was out with her friends.

She has now stormed off to her dad's,no doubt to tell him how I'm all the arseholes, and I'm left alone with two toddlers again.

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 30/12/2018 22:52

step siblings should of course be half siblings

PixiKitKat · 30/12/2018 22:52

I really don't want kids and I believe most of my view on children and parenting was formed when I had to babysit my 2 toddler siblings from 14 and when I couldn't control them I was the one who got it in the neck. I missed out on so much as a teenager to babysit while both parents were at work during summer. I resented it and I have no find memories of being 15, 16 or 17. I also got a full time job and moved out as soon as I could so i didn't have to do it anymore.

I think if OP offers a token payment it will go a long way if she genuinely does only need a few hours a week. I felt very used, taken for granted and like a 3rd parent. one of the used to call me mum by mistake sometimes!

C8H10N4O2 · 30/12/2018 22:55

I missed out on so much as a teenager to babysit while both parents were at work during summer.

But this bears no resemblance to the OP situation. She has specifically stated she doesn't ask for help in this way but was asking a teenager who was already in the house to keep an eye out whilst she remained in the house doing something else.

Not asking her to give up her social life so that she can bugger off living it up.

WinterfellWench · 30/12/2018 22:58

Exactly @pixikitkat Too many parents are too keen to use their older (teen) children as free babysitters, and nannies, and skivvies. I have seen it happen too many times, and it does cause resentment, and drives a wedge between parent and teen child. Like you, I know many a young person who left home as soon as they could, because they got fucked off with it.

You can certainly tell the people on here who are quite happy to do this to THEIR children. Wink

Personally, I would never do it to my kids. I would rather my kids teenage years were as carefree as possible, with no added pressure of playing mommy, on top of an already difficult time with hormones, and growing up, and exams and school and so on.

WinterfellWench · 30/12/2018 23:00

Come off it C8, it's written all over the OP's original post how much she was annoyed at having to parent her own 2 toddlers and how she resented her 16 y.o. leaving them with HER. FFS, she is their mother! Her 16 y.o. daughter isn't!

As I said, you can see on here, which posters are happy to use their teenagers as skivvies and nannies. Only the daughters obviously - they would never ask the sons!

DishingOutDone · 30/12/2018 23:01

So OP when did your DD stop being a child herself? Was that all over for her when you got pregnant? Did you think well this is handy as DD will help me out, so no need for DH to worry his little head?

Incidentally, teenagers being sidelined when a second family comes along is one of the major causes of teenagers leaving home and becoming homeless.

CallMeSirShotsFired · 30/12/2018 23:05

Was the bath actually a 5 min shower because you've not had a chance all day and feel grotty; or a relaxing candlelit soak just for pleasure?

The former I can understand. Yes it could have waited till they were in bed, but it wouldn't be that U to ask.

The latter would really be taking the piss though.

C8H10N4O2 · 30/12/2018 23:07

Only the daughters obviously - they would never ask the sons!

Oh does the OP have a DS who we missed? Where was that then.

No I read a tired mother of a teenager and two younger children whose on her own and could do with a bit of support. No babysitting asked, no mention of household tasks, just watching in the house whilst OP is in another room.

I was an older as was a male sibling - we both helped with the youngers at times. My eldest is a DS who also sometimes helped with the youngest as did his next in line sister. All the children mucked in and helped at times just as I did and their father did. Its normal family life in my experience and not a human rights abuse. As you get older you do more in the holidays and you also have more privileges (like phones for example).

anniehm · 30/12/2018 23:08

They aren't her responsibility, she didn't ask for siblings! Teenagers are stroppy, that's the default position - and I'm at a loss as to why you can't cook/have a bath/whatever without her help? I managed with two kids mostly alone due to dh's job and many of the others here was lone parents/partners worked away and we all juggled the household without a teenager to help.

If you need to go out for instance it's perfectly reasonable to barter childcare for something she wants you to do but you need to come up with solutions that mitigate the need for her to help you day after day. May I suggest a playpen???

Platypusfattypus · 30/12/2018 23:15

Again with the projection. Seriously; asking the daughters not the sons...
No one is advocating using older siblings as unpaid childcare. This isn’t want happened in the op.

WinterfellWench · 30/12/2018 23:18

C8

I said other posters who are advocating the OP using her 16 y.o. daughter as a nanny would only ask daughters, not sons.

Do learn to read my posts properly love.

WinterfellWench · 30/12/2018 23:21

@dishngoutdone

So OP when did your DD stop being a child herself? Was that all over for her when you got pregnant? Did you think well this is handy as DD will help me out, so no need for DH to worry his little head?

Yeah good question. Don't think the OP will be answering that anytime soon though. And other posters supporting her probably won't respond to this either. Only answering what suits their agenda.

Incidentally, teenagers being sidelined when a second family comes along is one of the major causes of teenagers leaving home and becoming homeless.

True that. Seen it happen many times.

WinterfellWench · 30/12/2018 23:23

And on that note, I am off. Some of us have a husband to shag. need to sleep coz we're old and knackered and need to go to bed by half eleven pm.

k1233 · 30/12/2018 23:28

Kids these days have it so easy. By 15 I was doing the family washing twice a week, preparing if not cooking dinner multiple nights a week and my sister did other household chores. From about 8 or 9 we'd been expected to do dishes at night, every night, 12 cook a family meal once a week.

So instead of looking after the kids, I'd be expecting your daughter to do a whole lot more at home. Cook for everyone a couple of nights a week, help with other household chores. Not because she's a girl but because she is part of the family and you aren't her domestic slave. Doing a load of washing is easy, no reason she can't do it.

Platypusfattypus · 30/12/2018 23:28

My children don’t stop being children because I ask them to sit in a room with their younger siblings. They are not being asked to take responsibility, I’m overall responsible nor is my toddler so badly behaved it’s a life changing trauma. Personally I stopped being a child when my mum died when I was a teenager. Believe me I’d happily take sitting with my sibling for half an hour over that.

I can’t answer the second point as all my children are from the same relationship. Plus I’m able to parent them all and they all get one on one time - currently rewatching stranger things with my eldest (I’m a wuss so am using mumsnet as a way of not seeing the monster).

Starlight456 · 30/12/2018 23:36

I don’t think actually asking your dd to look after her brothers is particularly bad . However a couple of them bugs . What is there relationship like . Did you want a bath because toddlers were doing your head in an wanted a break ? Does dd struggle to manage 2 toddlers?

Also your attitude is what I think has got peoples attitude up. Although my Ds is older no one has looked after my Ds when he was a toddler. He had Adhd but didn’t know it everything was done when he was in bed .

CosmicCanary · 30/12/2018 23:39

Only the daughters obviously - they would never ask the sons!

I have 2 sons 16 and 14 and 2 daughters aged 11. Both boys help sit their sisters when I ask them to. Its not a sex thing its an age thing.

CosmicCanary · 30/12/2018 23:41

I said other posters who are advocating the OP using her 16 y.o. daughter as a nanny

Oh christ so half an hour of watching her siblings is the same as being a nanny 😂🤣😂
Sometimes MN is just too precious!

Christmasisforadults2 · 30/12/2018 23:46

Yes women's work! What foolishness.
My 14 yr old offered and did look after is brother for an hour while I had a nap as I wasn't well. His idea he offered. Wanted to help. So no it isn't just girls.
Families should help.

llangennith · 30/12/2018 23:48

Maybe your eldest child is not thrilled to have two toddler siblings? Never mind, she'll probably move out as soon as she can.

WyfOfBathe · 30/12/2018 23:50

My DSis was born when I was 14. My DF regularly went on business trips. My DM still managed to treat me like a CHILD, because I was. I did sometimes watch DSis, but not every day and often in return for something like getting to stay up a little late. By the time I was 16, I freely chose to watch DSis regularly, but I did love kids and wanted to be a preschool teacher. My parents paid me (far less than market rate!) for babysitting if they went out or were completely unavailable, eg if my DF was at home but on a conference call. I also had other age-appropriate responsibilities in the house, eg cooking once a week.

What my parents did not do was treat me like another partner or parent to DSis. You are being VV unreasonable for saying things like Nevermind that I watched them alone all day while she was out with her friends. I'm left alone with two toddlers again. or I'm really just fed up with managing on my own and expecting DD to step in to help you "manage". DD did not choose to have children or to work abroad for weeks or months at a time. You and your DH are the parents and DD is a child.

Cheeeeislifenow · 30/12/2018 23:54

Maybe your eldest child is not thrilled to have two toddler siblings? Never mind, she'll probably move out as soon as she can.

That's nasty and uncalled for..are you as unpleasant in real life?

steff13 · 31/12/2018 00:20

I'm assuming he wasn't forced to apply for and accept the job at gunpoint...

I'm assuming the OP wasn't forced at gunpoint to have two children with a man she knew would be periodically unable to help parent them...

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 31/12/2018 00:23

I think it's a rather pertinent point Cheee. There's every chance DD might not be thrilled with the way her life has been overhauled and it would be nasty and uncalled for to disregard her feelings.

evenbetter · 31/12/2018 00:38

I agree with everyone else, surely you thought about this when you were planning your two youngest kids? Your choices have nothing to do with your teenage child, please don’t make her feel obligated to provide childcare. Teenagers strop and sulk, it’s normal, they’re undergoing huge development and intense hormones. She’s already done you a big favour providing childcare today, it should be a very, very occasional favour or paid babysitting if she agrees, not an expectation.

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