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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at dd16..

233 replies

pizzabadger · 30/12/2018 18:44

Because I cant ask her to look after her little brothers for half an hour without a massive argument?

She was sitting on her phone doing fa and I asked her to watch them so I could have a bath and she went off in a massive strop.

Apparently it's completely unfair and I'm a slave driver because she watched them while I was making the dinner.
Nevermind that I watched them alone all day while she was out with her friends.

She has now stormed off to her dad's,no doubt to tell him how I'm all the arseholes, and I'm left alone with two toddlers again.

OP posts:
AnnabelleLecter · 30/12/2018 19:00

Yabu. I've been the teenager who couldn't go out because I had to look after my little brother so that my parents could. Hated it.
Wait until they've gone to bed then have a bath.
You're left on your own with two toddlers? Eh? They're yours!

cowfacemonkey · 30/12/2018 19:01

Sounds like things are hard for you and sounds like she resents your resentment. I would change tactics a bit here. She’s 16 she should be contributing to the house with chores so I would set some out that will help you day to day but make sure they arent related to looking after your toddlers. My teen has daily chores including loading and unloading dishwasher, hoovering and cleaning the bathroom.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/12/2018 19:01

YABU. She’s 16. She didn’t ask for much you her siblings or a father who’s away. What would you have done if she’d been out all day? How will you manage when she’s moved out?

Sirzy · 30/12/2018 19:02

I think your forgetting she isn’t a parent. She is a 16 year old with a life of her own.

Yes it would be nice for her to help out sometimes but yabu to expect it regularly and you are very much unreasonable to compare it to you caring for your own children!

LordEmsworth · 30/12/2018 19:03

Speaking as the older sister who "looked after" siblings for much of my childhood, it's really bloody difficult actually. You don't have any authority so it's impossible to be in control, and they know you'll get the blame for anything they do - so you're basically stuffed. Not surprised she doesn't want to do it.

horsesheep · 30/12/2018 19:04

' I know they're my responsibility but dh works away and I don't have any family who can help so it would be nice to get some help from my dd sometimes'

I imagine it would be nice, but again, they're not her responsibility. You are definitely not being unreasonable by asking her but you need to accept no as an answer. If she has no problem doing anything else for you then I think there's an underlying reason why she point blank refuses to look after your younger children.

TulipsInbloom1 · 30/12/2018 19:04

Im all for teens helping out around the house and chipping in. But babysitting shouldnt be expected - it should be an optional extra. She doesnt have kids. She shouldnt have to mind kids unless she wants to.

How old are the brothers?

PrincessConsuelaBanana · 30/12/2018 19:06

I’m sorry OP but you are more unreasonable I’m this scenario. They’re your children and not your DD’s responsibility to look after. How old are they? Do they need watching 24//7? If so, I’m guessing bedtime for them won’t be too late so you could easily have a bath in peace after that. Your DD is being a bit of a brat refusing to watch them for half an hour whilst she’s already there just messing on her phone, but you’re being U with the ‘ive watched them all day whilst she’s been out with her mates’ comment.

LagunaBubbles · 30/12/2018 19:06

Well obviously watching them to let you have a bath is fine. But Nevermind that I watched them alone all day while she was out with her friends is a really strange thing to say, why shouldn't you watch them all day - they are your children, not hers! Hmm

Bishalisha · 30/12/2018 19:07

Also

and I'm left alone with two toddlers again.

They’re your toddlers Confused

Surfskatefamily · 30/12/2018 19:07

Teenagers arent always helpful, annoying but yes you are being UR as their your children

sweeneytoddsrazor · 30/12/2018 19:09

Are you all missing that the 16 year old has already watched them for a bit today? So she hasnt totally refused.

HollowTalk · 30/12/2018 19:11

Oh come on, give the OP a break! Everyone knows how demanding 16 year olds can be. I'm sure the OP does loads for her. All she's asking is her to watch the kids while she has a bath - her daughter was only on her phone, which presumably the OP pays for. Where's the kindness?

thebaronetofcockburn · 30/12/2018 19:12

If I were her I'd stay at my dad's so I wasn't expected to babysit my mum's kids. I used to get paid for babysitting, I sure as hell wasn't going to do it for free.

They're your kids, you look after them or their father does.

NerrSnerr · 30/12/2018 19:12

It's nice if she will help out but it sounds like you're expecting her to parent with you.

Coronapop · 30/12/2018 19:13

Why isn't their father watching them for you? It is his responsibility not your daughter's.

thebaronetofcockburn · 30/12/2018 19:14

Everyone knows how demanding 16 year olds can be. I'm sure the OP does loads for her. All she's asking is her to watch the kids while she has a bath - her daughter was only on her phone, which presumably the OP pays for. Where's the kindness?

I have teens myself. I do loads for them, but my kids are my responsibility, hence why I stopped having them after DS came along as then I'd have more than I could handle with regards to looking after small kids. I found toddlers really hard work, even my own, so the fuck I'd expect anyone else to do it for me if I weren't paying for it.

Ginormoustrawberry · 30/12/2018 19:15

*UnknownStuntman

So she did help you, but you're ungrateful and want her to help more instead of being a kid herself?

Lovely parent, aren't you?*

Whilst the OP may be BU by saying she’s watched her own kids all day what kind of fucking delight are you? Does being behind the keyboard give you the balls to imply she’s anything but a lovely parent.

Some replies in this place sometimes are way over the line!

OP, it’s 6 and 3 2’s. Don’t ask her was much and maybe she’ll be more inclined to help sometimes (although having a 16 year old myself I certainly can’t guarentee this)

Touchmybum · 30/12/2018 19:15

Pretty much most of us have been left with 2 toddlers on our own if we have more than one child, minus a resentful 16 year old who's expected to be 'on tap' to mind them! I am gathering from this that your teen has a different dad to your boys? Does she want to spend time with them? What ages are they that they need such close minding? What does everybody else do when they are making dinner or having a bath?!

I think you should step back and take a long hard look at this situation. You are trying to make your daughter into a quasi-parent with responsibility for her step-brothers? Does she feel usurped by them? she is still your child too!

Yes, she should help out around the home because 16 year olds should have chores. She shouldn't be made responsible for your small children. That's not fair.

Ginormoustrawberry · 30/12/2018 19:15

Bold fail 🙄🙄

category12 · 30/12/2018 19:16

I always paid my dd if she babysat her little brother for me.

NotMyCircusMonkeys · 30/12/2018 19:16

I feel sorry for your DD. You chose to have more children with your new husband, they aren't her responsibility at all.

Lovemusic33 · 30/12/2018 19:18

You decided to have kids not her. Sorry YABU.

My 14 year old looks after her younger sister when I work, she’s happy to do this but if she wasn’t happy I wouldn’t force her to do it, she’s her sister, she didn’t chose to have her I did.

Do kids really need watching when you cook or have a shower/bath? I have always managed alone to cook dinner or have a bath whilst the kids entertain themselves or bath when they are asleep?

Skinfulnappies46 · 30/12/2018 19:19

OP YANBU to ask your 16 year old daughter to mind her siblings for a short period. I think people here just over react to the way you worded it. Years ago you did your bit to help your parents which included helping out with younger siblings. It teaches responsibility not to mention great life lessons on child care.. that’s how we learn to look after our own children when we have them.
It is not unreasonable to expect her to help out for short periods with any sort of household chores including minding her siblings.

Gitfeatures · 30/12/2018 19:21

How much do your rely on DD's help with the younger ones? You sounds slightly incredulous that you've been 'left alone' with your own children.

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