Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family inviting themselves on hoildays

270 replies

gh73 · 30/12/2018 12:10

I recently booked a trip to Thailand with my husband for some much needed alone time and found out the other day that without even asking a faimly member has booked flights same dates and times. I am so annoyed as they never asked us and they are also travelling with toddlers for the 14 hour flight 😬😬 This is our first hoilday like this and a trip of a life time for us, I wanted a romantic get away for myself and my husband and I am so annoyed that without even asking just bunked in on the trip. I absolutely love the kids but this our first trip without our children aa they are older and it changes the whole dynamic especially on a trip like this. Now it's really awkward, they are asking us where we are staying, dates ect so it's either offend them by telling them we want to do our own thing or spend the trip with them?? Help 🤯

OP posts:
Myshinynewname · 30/12/2018 12:11

Tell them you’ve booked an adult only hotel? I wouldn’t put up with people inviting themselves on holiday like that and I’m normally quite family oriented.

MikeUniformMike · 30/12/2018 12:12

Cancel the trip and book somewhere else.

OyOy · 30/12/2018 12:13

It's amazing what people (women?) will put up with so as not to appear rude

They didn't seem to care about your feelings.

But apart from that, it's fine to not tell them a thing - if you do you only have yourselves to blame when they book, because that's the only reason they are asking.

Can you afford to upgrade your flight so you won't have to see them?

AlpacaLypse · 30/12/2018 12:14

If they're asking about dates surely that means they're not on the same flight as you, just around about the same time?

I'd offend them now by telling them you are going to be doing adult stuff as this is a second honeymoon. Get the offending over and done with!

Darkbaptism · 30/12/2018 12:14

Great, you’ll be able to babysit for them!
In your position I would lie about which hotel you are staying in or if you haven’t booked one already book an adult only one.

greendale17 · 30/12/2018 12:14

Grow a backbone and tell them what you have said on here.

Then I would book elsewhere

regmover · 30/12/2018 12:15

Where are they staying?

I think at this early stage I'd have to sit them down and be blunt. Ask them what their plans are for the holiday. Tell them that your plans are to be child free. It will be interesting to compare notes when you're all back home after the holiday.
As others have said, if in doubt change the dates.

Holidayshopping · 30/12/2018 12:16

Who is this person?
How did they know the flight details?
What does your DH say about it? Not that his views are more important than yours, but if it’s his mum and he’s quite happy about it, then your problems are quite different.

WTFIsAGleepglorp · 30/12/2018 12:16

Next time don't tell anyone.

If they try to rope you into babysitting, have something planned.

Sitting in the hotel bar is a plan, right?

Cheerbear23 · 30/12/2018 12:17

Switch your holiday, don’t be railroaded into sharing your well earned break with them. With toddlers in tow it will be far from relaxing. I would be furious tbh.

regmover · 30/12/2018 12:18

Sorry, I missed the bit about asking about hotels.
I don't really see the problem. You have a chat with them now - you ask why they are asking about your hotel. Tell them that you're planning a second honeymoon type trip and don't want to change it into a family holiday. Suggest they look on Trivago for somewhere that will suit them. Be blunt - why are you asking us? You're not planning to share our holiday are you?

Birdsgottafly · 30/12/2018 12:20

That's really weird behaviour which needs them telling straight what you have said on here.

Look up Adult only hotels and things to do and say you've planned a Adult and Couple orientated holiday.

Ask them what they've got planned because it's an usual destination with toddlers.

Then leave it by saying "oh well, we'll have the airport to catch up in and I hope the children behave for you".

Balibabe1 · 30/12/2018 12:21

I would absolutely change my holiday, use the same company etc to avoid losses\charges.
Why do people think that’s acceptable? Gatecrashing without discussion! And I wouldn’t be polite as silently seething on holiday is no fun.

MiddleClassProblem · 30/12/2018 12:22

I’d see if you could amend the holiday, whether it’s changing dates or destination.

Or say you’re traveling about.

Or just tell them the truth and just meet up with them for a dinner when you’re out there but otherwise be just the two of you.

Santaclarita · 30/12/2018 12:22

Yeah you're the babysitting plans.

Stand up for yourself or be saddled with toddlers for a very expensive week. Your choice.

DowntonCrabby · 30/12/2018 12:23

Offend now. It’s second honeymoon, wink wink and you don’t plan on leaving the suite in your adults only hotel unless it’s to drink cocktails/bungee jump/wash an elephant- insert any other child-unfriendly activity

Balibabe1 · 30/12/2018 12:23

Ohh I like regmover above comment , use that.

Holidayshopping · 30/12/2018 12:23

More details, OP?

Drum2018 · 30/12/2018 12:23

Ask them what part of Thailand they are going to. I'd just tell them you plan to book AirBnB nearer the time as you're not decided on the areas of Thailand you are going to stay in, and that you will possibly do a few nights in different places - hence AirBnB as that's a handy option for short term stays. I cannot believe anyone would think you'd be happy for them to tag along on your long haul holiday, especially bringing toddlers with them. Make sure they know they are not going to be part of your trip.

HolyMountain · 30/12/2018 12:24

Sod being polite!

Tell them it’s a holiday for two and no one else.

Returnofthesmileybar · 30/12/2018 12:24

"Haha no way I'm telling you that, we are on a child free second honeymoon, you'll be lucky if I pretend to know you in the airport, I'm not spending two weeks dodging you are the pool too"

Fowles94 · 30/12/2018 12:25

I would go and Enjoy the holiday and just not meet up with them the whole time.

JillScarlet · 30/12/2018 12:30

“This is an adult only couple holiday for us so we’re staying in an adult only hotel, and will probably travel around a bit. What are your plans?”

Then

“No, that won’t work for us, we’ve had years of family holidays and this is strictly a couples holiday”

“No that won’t work for us, that’s not the holiday we are planning”

“Wow, what a co incidence, you booked the same flights? What are your plans? Have you found. Child friendly resort? So pleased to be past that stage ourselves and planning an adult couple holiday”

“You weren’t thinking to him us on holiday, were you? Normally that might be all right but we have planned this as our second honeymoon with much needed together time so we are doing an adult only holiday “.

How will it offend any more than them offending you by creating your holiday?

And I don’t see why you should spend extra money by upgrading just to avoid them. Just be straight, but in a polite way.

MumW · 30/12/2018 12:31

I think they are definitely expecting you to babysit so they can have some time alone - CFs.

Even if this isn't how you've described it, a second honeymoon is essentially what you have planned. Tell them this is how it is so you do not want to be sharing a hotel with them.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/12/2018 12:33

Who is this idiot family member, who is piggy backing onto your much saves for holiday? Tell them to piss off or change destination. How odd.