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AIBU?

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Original poster

Family inviting themselves on hoildays

270 replies

gh73 · 30/12/2018 12:10

I recently booked a trip to Thailand with my husband for some much needed alone time and found out the other day that without even asking a faimly member has booked flights same dates and times. I am so annoyed as they never asked us and they are also travelling with toddlers for the 14 hour flight 😬😬 This is our first hoilday like this and a trip of a life time for us, I wanted a romantic get away for myself and my husband and I am so annoyed that without even asking just bunked in on the trip. I absolutely love the kids but this our first trip without our children aa they are older and it changes the whole dynamic especially on a trip like this. Now it's really awkward, they are asking us where we are staying, dates ect so it's either offend them by telling them we want to do our own thing or spend the trip with them?? Help 🤯

OP posts:
FlippingEggs · 30/12/2018 16:56

Take it from someone who has had to put up with bollocks like this all year, be honest. Tell them, don't be ashamed that you. And your DH want your own time. Anyone who does this is so fucking oblivious to the world that straight talking is the only way.

Say something along the lines of :

Hey, just wanted to talk as you have booked the same flights as us. This trip is one DH and I planned as time out for us. We are not taking our DC and need that time away for us.

See you on the plane, but we don't want to see anyone there. The point if us going away, is to be away.

If they get arsey, then so be it. They are bring totally unreasonable doing what they have done. I couldn't imagine doing this to someone else!

ReflectentMonatomism · 30/12/2018 16:58

“Fuck off” is a complete sentence.

We don’t tell anyone our travel plans until we give our elderly parents some broad sweep outline of our plans (dates and countries) a few days before we fly. They don’t have flight numbers, hotels or any other details. Life is too short. If they need to contact us we have phones: the idea that relatives need information pre dates GSM roaming.

shpoot · 30/12/2018 16:58

Don't say it's a couples holiday! They'll just leave the kids behind and join you in adults only. Tell them straight or go somewhere else. Yes to airport lounge!

magoria · 30/12/2018 16:59

They aren't worried about offending you by butting in on your holiday. Don't be offended by telling them you are on a kiddie free holiday and will not be baby sitting or joining them for days out.

Unfortunately it sounds like you may be alone as I reckon your DH will be roped in and won't decline. If he is just go off on your own.

Illfindmywayhome · 30/12/2018 16:59

Feel for you op... this happened to us and when we politely suggested maybe another time all hell broke loose.. Flowers

MulticolourMophead · 30/12/2018 17:00

I think he just feels like he is in-between a rock and a hard place.

But he isn't. If he feels that, it's his choice, and surely you should be coming first.

FilledSoda · 30/12/2018 17:02

nip it in the bud now.
It must be very frustrating to not have your dh on side but he'll just have to suck it up.

nicoala1 · 30/12/2018 17:04

When you think about it, OP seems to be concerned about upsetting the relatives, whereas relatives do not seem to care at all about what OP thinks.

Time to be honest with them. But keep your destination to yourselves FGS. Sadly I think you both may have given too much info away already, ie flight times dates etc. Lesson learned.

Some people eh?

Holidayshopping · 30/12/2018 17:04

Sounds like you have a DH problem!

Maelstrop · 30/12/2018 17:05

Flight details are very specific so unless you said the exact time of departure, then has your DH told them? I can't imagine asking such a specific detail unless there's only one flight per day, but even then, how do they know the day you're leaving?

I'd be FUMING and would change what I could, I certainly wouldn't be in the same city as them.

FunshineCareBear · 30/12/2018 17:07

I would have to change plans. How likely is it they will change their flight? Not very? Even if you stipulate you want to be alone You'll never relax and spend the whole time on the look out so you can avoid them.

MerdedeBrexit · 30/12/2018 17:07

Change flights (or upgrade, but that is awfully expensive!) and go to an adults only hotel, or change the whole holiday if you can do so at not too much extra cost. I'd be fuming if I were you, OP. If you'd wanted to go with family in the first place, you'd have suggested it! We went to Thailand in biz class for our honeymoon (OH had connections at the time!) and there was a crying baby and an active toddler across the aisle from us for the whole flight and I was jolly well not happy about that, but at least we lost them when we got off the plane!

rookiemere · 30/12/2018 17:11

Your DH is not "stuck between a rock and a hard place" he's just choosing to be a wimp. His DSis seems a bit unbalanced - taking toddlers to Thailand is not an obvious destination.

I wouldn't plan on spending any time with them at all. Book yourself into a nice adults only hotel and ignore them on the plane - sometimes it's possible to pay not too much for an upgrade if you ask when checking in, so it may be worth doing that to properly avoid them on the flight.

KatharinaRosalie · 30/12/2018 17:12

Good point actually, they would need to know the exact flight time and airline at least to get onto the same flight, not just date. Didn't you get a bit suspicious when they asked for such details?

ohsure · 30/12/2018 17:13

Erghhhhhh! Why are people so terrible?! I would fume til steam came out of my ears then make DH tell them but I am a coward Grin

Mummylife2018 · 30/12/2018 17:14

Who in their right mind would take a baby or a toddler to sodding Thailand?! It's lucky for adults to survive out there, never mind children!!!! Shocking

G5000 · 30/12/2018 17:16

Huh? Thailand is a great destination for families, beautiful beaches and they love kids there - you do not actually need to go to strip bars.

HedgehogPoo · 30/12/2018 17:19

Can you say that you are going to be travelling around the country with a tour company, which will include staying in a rain-forest camp for a few nights and on a boat for other nights? I can definitely recommend that anyway! Have a lovely time, whatever you do.

Ethel36 · 30/12/2018 17:19

Just tell them the truth..that this is a romantic holiday for two. They can meet up on the next holiday instead.

Nanny0gg · 30/12/2018 17:20

Just tell her it's a holiday for the two of you. No-one else invited.

But...do you think your she had already discussed coming along with your husband before she booked?

ShartOfGold · 30/12/2018 17:21

Your husband is definitely behind this! How would she know which flight to book?!

DeepanKrispanEven · 30/12/2018 17:21

You're going to need to do more than you are currently planning if you are to salvage this holiday. It will be incredibly difficult to avoid helping them with kids on the plane, for instance, and they'll expect to meet up with you at the airport and share a taxi at the other end. Also it doesn't sound like your husband is going to be much support in telling them to fuck off if or when they start wanting to make arrangements to meet up/for babysitting etc.

You really need to check first thing tomorrow whether you can change the entire booking.

delboysskinandblister · 30/12/2018 17:22

they did not think twice about offending you? they know you're a pushover

Why are you hesitating? Just tell them you have since cancelled....

NameChange457 · 30/12/2018 17:24

Nothing actually useful to add re. the op’s issue that hasn’t already been said, but just to say to those asking how they knew which flights the op is on, if I were ever inclined to this kind of cf-ery, I could often deduce family’s flight numbers from the info imparted in general holiday conversation. I’m sure it’s fairly common to discuss some of the details like, airport, date and flight times (e.g. it’s going to be a really early start, or at least we’ll get there at a reasonable hour etc), i’d think that’s pretty common small talk

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/12/2018 17:24

Unless your SiL has form, I would also be suspicious that your DH has somehow encouraged this, if only with a throwaway comment to his sister that he hadn't really thought would go anywhere. It seems a very odd thing to do off your own bat without being encouraged in someway and your DH can't possibly really think it's just coincidence.