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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family inviting themselves on hoildays

270 replies

gh73 · 30/12/2018 12:10

I recently booked a trip to Thailand with my husband for some much needed alone time and found out the other day that without even asking a faimly member has booked flights same dates and times. I am so annoyed as they never asked us and they are also travelling with toddlers for the 14 hour flight 😬😬 This is our first hoilday like this and a trip of a life time for us, I wanted a romantic get away for myself and my husband and I am so annoyed that without even asking just bunked in on the trip. I absolutely love the kids but this our first trip without our children aa they are older and it changes the whole dynamic especially on a trip like this. Now it's really awkward, they are asking us where we are staying, dates ect so it's either offend them by telling them we want to do our own thing or spend the trip with them?? Help 🤯

OP posts:
posthistoricmonsters · 30/12/2018 12:51

I would honestly be honest right NOW. Ask them if they were planning to literally join you, because you're taking your first proper adult holiday and you really want to be alone for the first time in years, but that if they had assumed they'd join us that you're flattered but not this time.

XiCi · 30/12/2018 12:54

How close a family member are they, and how would they have known your exact flight to book onto? Maybe its just a coincidence, sounds very odd to book on a flight to South East Asia with toddlers and no plan of any accommodation etc. Surely they are not expecting to follow you around Thailand with their toddlers in tow? Have you actually spoken to them to find out their plans?

TonTonMacoute · 30/12/2018 12:55

it's either offend them by telling them we want to do our own thing or spend the trip with them??

You will have to offend them then. Simples!

It's funny how these easily-offended friends and relatives never seem to worry about how they might be offending someone else.

violetbunny · 30/12/2018 12:56

They've been rude by gatecrashing your holiday. I wouldn't be worried at all about offending them!

NameChangerAmI · 30/12/2018 12:58

OMG - this is one of the most out there, shocking things I've read (apart from violence and abuse, obvs).

I'm fuming for you, OP.

A child free holiday without you're own children, and they now expect to hang around with you with their children. It's absurd.

Also - they've put you in a position where your nephews/nieces are going to have an amazing holiday with thier aunt/uncle, whilst your ownchildren are presumably stuck at home with their grandparents?

There's nothing wrong with your DCs not going, but now the family member has completely changed things and your own DCs are now effectively being left out of what looks (on the surface) to be a fun family get together.

I would be livid.

thebaronetofcockburn · 30/12/2018 12:59

My guess is it's one of the OP's kids with toddler grandkids.

Iloveacurry · 30/12/2018 13:00

They’re the rude ones, inviting themselves on your holiday. Just tell them it’s a holiday for just the two of you, and why do they think they’ve been invited?

JillScarlet · 30/12/2018 13:02

“or at least upgrade to avoid them.”

It costs £Ks to upgrade flights.
Why advise this cringing willingness to go to expensive inconvenient measures to avoid someone else’s bad behaviour? SO British!

WidoWanky · 30/12/2018 13:04

Just say no. They were not invited to share your first honeymoon either.

Repeat as necessary.

LeilaDarling · 30/12/2018 13:04

Better to upset them now than them ruin this special holiday - you will be furious FOREVER!!!!
I’m mad for you!

Belindabauer · 30/12/2018 13:04

Who are these people who book a 14 hour flight for young chldren? 😳😳😳

GenerationSnowflake · 30/12/2018 13:04

It costs £Ks to upgrade flights
well, yes, but it might work out cheaper than changing the flights, I don't know what the OP booked!
If the others have already booked their flights and refuse to change them, what else is the OP supposed to do to avoid them? It's far from ideal, but it's a solution. The OP seems to nice to refuse to speak to them during the journey.

ADastardlyThing · 30/12/2018 13:05

Are they not very bright? Booked the holiday but NOW asking you for dates? Confused

GenerationSnowflake · 30/12/2018 13:06

Who are these people who book a 14 hour flight for young chldren?

people who want to have a nice holiday with their kids? That in itself is quite normal. Jumping on the OP's private holidays is something else Shock

WidoWanky · 30/12/2018 13:07

Oh yeah. Possibly kids and grandkids.

If they don't back down you can always let slip at the airport that the children are contagious....

WellBHoise · 30/12/2018 13:12

Absolutely you need to ask them why they did it when it’s an adult only holiday and one of yo needs to change their bookings as despite their protestations that you won’t be baby sitting etc, you’ll not be able to switch off thinking you’ll be seeing them tomorrow etc

Oldbutstillgotit · 30/12/2018 13:14

It may be the season to be jolly but it also seems to be the season for CFs going by some of these threads ! This one plus the one where the OP’s H wants his mother to move in with the OP looking after her ! Not to mention my friend expecting me to look after her DGD now that I am retired ! Stand firm OP ( I did )

Stompythedinosaur · 30/12/2018 13:14

That is some brass neck. I agree you have to tell them, who cares if they are offended? They are happy to offend you.

DoYouLikeHueyLewisandTheNews · 30/12/2018 13:19

Definitely just tell them you'll be holidaying alone. In my early 20s my family did this to my then boyfriend and I and I didn't say anything. It was horrible and a waste of hundreds of pounds and annual leave. I wouldn't hesitate to set expectations if I found myself in that situation again (I don't share the important details anymore, didn't think it was a lesson needing to be learnt but hey ho!).

Handprints2018 · 30/12/2018 13:22

Are you able to amend your flight times or upgrade? People like this generally won't change their plans.

Who cares if you offend them? They are intruding, they are presuming and bloody rude. It should offend you that they are such cfs!

AcrossthePond55 · 30/12/2018 13:22

Change your dates and rebook ASAP if you can. Say nothing until within the no-penalty rebooking period and announce "Oh, we've had to change our dates so we're no longer going XXX dates".

Or at the very least, change hotels if changing the flight is too much money.

Who would DO such a thing? I can't imagine pushing myself into anyone's holiday, even my parents!

Holidayshopping · 30/12/2018 13:25

Do they think they are coming on holiday ‘with’ you?

brizzledrizzle · 30/12/2018 13:25

Tell them that you are going to Bangkok to experience some adult only entertainment, I doubt they will be so keen to spend the holiday or any other time with you.

thebaronetofcockburn · 30/12/2018 13:26

Why advise this cringing willingness to go to expensive inconvenient measures to avoid someone else’s bad behaviour? SO British!

This!

ScrumptiousBears · 30/12/2018 13:34

Are they after some babysitting for you?