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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family inviting themselves on hoildays

270 replies

gh73 · 30/12/2018 12:10

I recently booked a trip to Thailand with my husband for some much needed alone time and found out the other day that without even asking a faimly member has booked flights same dates and times. I am so annoyed as they never asked us and they are also travelling with toddlers for the 14 hour flight 😬😬 This is our first hoilday like this and a trip of a life time for us, I wanted a romantic get away for myself and my husband and I am so annoyed that without even asking just bunked in on the trip. I absolutely love the kids but this our first trip without our children aa they are older and it changes the whole dynamic especially on a trip like this. Now it's really awkward, they are asking us where we are staying, dates ect so it's either offend them by telling them we want to do our own thing or spend the trip with them?? Help 🤯

OP posts:
Santaisfastasleepatlast · 01/01/2019 14:09

When will sil find out you have changed your plans op?

Motoko · 01/01/2019 14:12

XiCi There are plenty of threads on here, and other sites on the net, with people complaining about other family inviting themselves on holiday. There are many people who feel they can't say no, because it causes all out war, and they'd rather keep the peace.
You can't have been on MN for long if you've never seen those threads. I've only been here for a couple of years, and I've seen several. Yet amongst my own social circle, like you, I also don't know anyone this happens to, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't happen.
This thread is just one example.

With All due respect to your history as am empire but you don't own Thailand and who can and cannot go there with or without you.
WTF? What has the old Empire got to do with anything? Of course OP can say no to other people joining her on holiday! She can't stop them from booking the same flight and/or hotel, but she damn well can piss of out without them, and avoid them like the plague, or change her holiday to a different one.
What utter bollocks.

AGHHHH · 01/01/2019 15:03

I new you wanted to come anyway

Why didn't she invite you then?

petmad · 01/01/2019 15:09

how would they even know times and dates or flight for that matter unless someone told them if they ask say nothing to them or other family members and if it comes up in conversation make it clears that this is an adults only holiday and adults only only hotel and youre itinary is you havent decided yet youre gonna wing it and you dont know what you will being doing but it will be adults only meaning no kids allowed. if they dont like it tuff. its a second honeymoon tell them for couples only thats why its a honeymoon. if they have youre phone number just get sim only deal or dual sim for the holiday in case they ring you. as you will be too busy to chat. a bit drastic but hopefully they will get the message and let hubby and other family know this has royally pissed you off yore contemplating cancelling the holiday altogether.

Santaisfastasleepatlast · 01/01/2019 15:18

Could your dh have indicated to his dsis it would be fine if they went?

TorchesTorches · 01/01/2019 15:28

My SIL suggested to my husband last week that we as a family might like to go on a ski holiday next year with her and her 3 daughters. There is literally nothing i would like to do less. Fortunately my husband is also not keen, so this is his problem to manage over the next year. I can see why she would want to as there are advantages for her, but frankly none for us. Even if she paid for the 4 of us i still wouldnt want to.

XiCi · 01/01/2019 15:33

Fortunately my husband is also not keen, so this is his problem to manage over the next year

Or, instead of dragging it out over the year and letting them think you're interested you could just have said 'not really our thing but have a great time'

Happypie · 01/01/2019 16:09

XiCi give it a rest. We know you think everyone should say what they are thinking frankly. We have tried to explain to you that some people find that difficult. Yet you are still going back to your same point over and over.

Handprints2018 · 01/01/2019 16:14

Direct is best but sadly with some over bearing people being told no just means 'be persistent. There are tons of threads from ground down people either taking a stand of fallen out with friends and family because they've said no.

Sometimes a 'fuck no, not a holiday for me' is the how you have to be. There's an OP whose friend wont give her any free time and when OP says she is busy or needs space the woman waits in her garden for her! Direct honesty, however much the potential fallout, is better sometimes.

Handprints2018 · 01/01/2019 16:19

I think some people find it hard to imagine you not going about things their way. Those people could well be more assertive or just lucky not to meet the truly overbearing.

I had someone going on about weekend away to the point of trying to convince my husband behind my back despite my declining. Luckily he was of the same mind and as its someone from his family, he felt able say no way. They tried me first thinking I'd cave because i like to try to be more diplomatic.

Motoko · 01/01/2019 16:54

how would they even know times and dates or flight for that matter unless someone told them

OP said there's only one flight going there on the day they're going, so they probably worked it out for themselves.

Biker47 · 01/01/2019 17:01

Even if there is more than one flight, if I've told people I'm going away they usually do ask what time I'm flying.

Also, lol at the person further up the thread who is kidding themselves to try and justify that they're not butting in unwanted into other peoples holidays, because they haven't be specifically told no, read the room.

Galvantula · 01/01/2019 17:05

My PIL did this to us one summer. Not the same flights, but there in a small resort the same week.

I didn't feel I could object, they had helped us out with money to have the holiday Blush

Santaisfastasleepatlast · 01/01/2019 17:22

Now exils booked the chalet next door after specifically requesting it via the holiday resort.

BubonicWoman · 01/01/2019 17:51

Pashal2
How pompous your post is yet you can't even spell scarce

MulticolourMophead · 01/01/2019 18:52

@XiCi. I do know adults who can't speak up for themselves.

And have you seen the number of threads in Relationships where people have eg. parents who can't be told NO? Seen the Stately Homes threads.

Just because you don't know people in this kind of situation doesn't mean they don't exist.

HerondaleDucks · 01/01/2019 22:40

My mum has two friends that do this to us. Tbh it's weird that they want to jump in on a holiday with us. I normally go off alone with a book and spend the evenings with mum or we take ourselves off out for the day. The friends then complain we don't go where they want to go or I'm anti social etc.
I think you've done the right thing OP

glueandstick · 01/01/2019 23:51

God it sounds horrific.

I’ve already got a knee injury line up that will mean we have to change a skiing holiday in 2020 as family have decided they will come too.

I think a nice beach resort ‘last minute’ will heal my knee nicely.

MrsBombastic · 02/01/2019 14:00

Why are you worried about offending them... they clearly haven't shown you the same courtesy.

What does DH say about all this?

I agree with the others just say... oh we haven't booked our hotel yet as we haven't decided which adults only one to go with, then smile saucily and stage whisper... it's our 2nd honeymoon and wink at them lewdly... that should do the trick.

Then ring the airline and change your seats/dates. Grin

ralfeesmum · 05/01/2019 11:34

Blimey! Talk about nerve.

Maybe you'll turn up at the airport just as one of those drones comes sailing over the horizon and shuts the runway. It would almost be worth it to put the cheeky buggers noses out of joint......

Aswad · 05/01/2019 15:54

I don't know why but reading shit like this makes my blood boil, how fucking inconsiderate. Please give them the wrong details, I'm sure they'll get the hint.

HeebieJeebies456 · 05/01/2019 17:37

Come on OP, give us an update!
I'm dying to know sil's reaction!

Original poster
gh73 · 06/01/2019 10:48

She invited us around for dinner, we knew she did this to bring up the trip etc I didn't want to go but just thought let's just get this over and done with and knew she wasnt booking any accomadation until she thought she was going to pin us down. When we arrived she asked us what day trips we had looked into or planning and told us hotels she had been checking out and for all of us and to look them up online and see what we thought ect before I even had a chance to open my mouth my husband just said, sounds great but we will be doing our own thing, we will be traveling around alot and there is loads we want to see, and hopefully we can cross over for one night with yous to catch up. She nearly fell of the chair, she was shocked you could see, but then just said oh ok, no worries. She is not on her own by the way as somone in another post suggested, her husband is going with her and even if she was and needed support, you ask first and not for a trip like that. Turns out my husband was not bothered as he had no intention of letting her interfere and planned to do his own thing. He did tell me that before but I know how pushy she is and I didn't think he would stick to his guns. Delighted 👍 can't believe she was even going to start telling us what hotels to stay in and wanted to know about day trips etc I would say she asked so she could make sure they where suitable for the kids, she didn't even plan to let us have a day trip off together. No doubt she is giving out to the world and it's mother about us but I don't give a hoot 😆

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 06/01/2019 10:55

Blimey-is she normally like this?

Does she normally get her own way!?

Original poster
gh73 · 06/01/2019 10:59

Ps dinner was super awkward after that needless to say, her husband was fine chatting away, she was very quite, sulking to be honest, I just don't now how she didn't think that we might not actually want her to come along with us.

OP posts:
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