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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Family inviting themselves on hoildays

270 replies

gh73 · 30/12/2018 12:10

I recently booked a trip to Thailand with my husband for some much needed alone time and found out the other day that without even asking a faimly member has booked flights same dates and times. I am so annoyed as they never asked us and they are also travelling with toddlers for the 14 hour flight 😬😬 This is our first hoilday like this and a trip of a life time for us, I wanted a romantic get away for myself and my husband and I am so annoyed that without even asking just bunked in on the trip. I absolutely love the kids but this our first trip without our children aa they are older and it changes the whole dynamic especially on a trip like this. Now it's really awkward, they are asking us where we are staying, dates ect so it's either offend them by telling them we want to do our own thing or spend the trip with them?? Help 🤯

OP posts:

namechange5575 · 30/12/2018 13:34

"Why did you book the same flights and destination as us? Are you expecting to spend time with us? If so, why didn't you discuss with us if we'd want that? I'm very upset about this! This is a very special break for just the two of us. Now I feel like I'm going to have to offend you by explaining we just want a holiday by ourselves. I'm quite upset you've put us in this position".

I.e., get in there first with being offended and upset. Make it clear you won't be spending time with them, and that they've bought this on themselves.

Change the flavour of your response to more or less embarrassed, outraged, incredulous etc according to your audience.

Fairenuff · 30/12/2018 13:34

Just tell them you want to be on your own. What's the problem with that?

Foodylicious · 30/12/2018 13:38

Very odd and foolish of them to have actually booked flights but not accomodation?

PotteryLady · 30/12/2018 13:39

What name change said

mimibunz · 30/12/2018 13:43

I would tell them how horribly rude they were to assume they could go on holiday with you. How could anyone do such a thing?

KatharinaRosalie · 30/12/2018 16:06

Very odd and foolish of them to have actually booked flights but not accomodation?

offtopic but why is that odd and foolish? I would always do that, get tickets first and then see about accommodation - there's plenty available in Thailand, not like it's some tiny island with one hotel only.

Original poster

gh73 · 30/12/2018 16:07

Thanks for all the good advice. It's good to feel I am not over reacting. My husband didn't seem to bothered so it's already causing argument s with us as it's his sister. He said " ah they will want to do there own thing it's just more a coincidence "🙄 I think he just feels like he is in-between a rock and a hard place. Decided I am just not having it, I don't mind cross over of one or 2 days, will book adult only hotel even then and will plan rest of trip to avoid them and If they keep asking where when etc just tell them straight. Will never tell anyone my travel plans again, but honestly didn't think anyone would have the cheek to do that and put you in such an awkward position or that they would follow us that far, especially with a baby and a toddler.

OP posts:

Wineandrosesagain · 30/12/2018 16:16

Have you checked whether you can change your flights for no or minimal charge?

thebaronetofcockburn · 30/12/2018 16:17

If you haven't even booked the hotel I'd be inclined to cancel the whole thing and/or move all the dates and destination. Just tell them you've reconsidered and decided you'll go on hols another time.

SymphonyofShadows · 30/12/2018 16:19

Definitely book the airport lounge too!

RandomMess · 30/12/2018 16:25

Have you asked your DH if he wants to help out looking after DN whilst on holiday???

KatharinaRosalie · 30/12/2018 16:26

I don't get it, why go through all the trouble of changing flights and cancelling the entire trip if you can just tell them it's your second honeymoon, just for the 2 of you, and not an extended family trip?

nicoala1 · 30/12/2018 16:31

I would hate this invasion of my plans!

TBH I wouldn't change flights at all. But just find out where rellies are planning to stay and take a bus, drive or whatever to somewhere miles away from them! Tell them you will be moving around spending a few nights here and there.

What can they do? No explanations required. Do not reveal where you are staying please......

cuppycakey · 30/12/2018 16:38

I would probably quietly change the flights/destination.

I wouldn't even allow 2 days crossover or meet up.

JillScarlet · 30/12/2018 16:39

I knew it would be his sister.

tbh OP, I think you should make it clear NOW that this is a couples hol and you won't be changing that, to give her a chance to re-arrange if she wants to, or to invite some other friend or something. Then you have it off your desk, you will not sit around wondering and seething and resenting and playing cat and mouse as you continue to plan your hol.

user1andonly · 30/12/2018 16:39

I don't mind cross over of one or 2 days, will book adult only hotel even then and will plan rest of trip to avoid them and If they keep asking where when etc just tell them straight

Nooo! Tell them now.

OyOy's suggestions up thread gets the message across kindly.

Hey, I think there's been cross-wires! This is a trip of a life time for us, and we're looking forward to a romantic get away for just the two of us and to get away from everyone and everything! I'm sure you and the kids will have a great time wherever you end up! Thanks for understanding

Angrybird345 · 30/12/2018 16:43

Send then a text like user1 says. But you need to say something now - it can’t wait!

eddielizzard · 30/12/2018 16:47

Your DH is stuck between a rock and a hard place, so she will pump him for the info and he will probably tell her if he knows.

So your best bet is to change the dates. Failing which book adult only stuff, and don't tell your DH the details. Be very vague from now on... If he's the one booking stuff you're up shit creek. Confrontation and obfuscation are the options then.

DowntonCrabby · 30/12/2018 16:50

You really need to deal with this now or you won’t remotely relax for the whole holiday.

user1andonly · 30/12/2018 16:51

Thinking about it, from their point of view, if they come along hoping and expecting to spend the whole with you as their babysitters then they are likely to have a miserable time wondering why you are avoiding them (their own fault for gatecrashing your holiday but still...)

Better all round to tell them straight.

KatharinaRosalie · 30/12/2018 16:52

DHs sister. He should be clear enough that it's for you 2 only.

RandomMess · 30/12/2018 16:52

I think you should text his sister something like

"Just checking your holiday plans as DH thinks it's a coincidence you coming to X the same time as us and you aren't expecting to meet up with us at all? After all this is our 2nd honeymoon so it's definitely alone adult time we're planning and didn't want you to think we would be meeting up or helping with the kids?"

Charley50 · 30/12/2018 16:53

I don't know anyone who would do this!

XiCi · 30/12/2018 16:56

Are you absolutely sure that your DH hasn't encouraged this in some way? Sounds an odd thing to do off your own bat!

LagunaBubbles · 30/12/2018 16:56

Just say it's a couples only holiday, surely that's not hard?

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