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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not want ex to leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for a week

217 replies

5fivestar · 29/12/2018 11:07

When the 15 year old has been hospitalised with anxiety.
SS aren’t interested, he left them for 3 days. They didn’t care. Am
Banging my head against a brick wall

OP posts:
Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 19:52

Notacluethisxmas - again just makes me laugh, I’ve never said I’m perfect, I’ve just reacted and handled everything thrown at me, as I said earlier I doubt there are many people who’ve had this particular set of circumstances

OP posts:
Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 19:53

We’ve established what I can do, will do and fingers crossed

OP posts:
anniehm · 29/12/2018 19:53

I have a 17 year old and I would leave her no problem, her older sister is far less reliable. Age isn't the only factor in deciding competence but social services have to have a cut off and it's 16 unless mitigating circumstances. Could you all go to family mediation? It sounds like non confrontational but honest round table discussion is needed!

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 19:55

anniehm - oh guess what, he was busy at work and wouldn’t take her. She instigated it with cahms she wants her family back

OP posts:
snoutandab0ut · 29/12/2018 20:05

What I can’t work out is why you didn’t intervene when the older one was bullying the younger one, and try and manage that behaviour before it got to the point of them assaulting their younger sibling? Of course that’s going to feel like a rejection to the younger one that they were the one who was sent away. You seem to be minimising the older ones behaviour a lot

GimmeGimmeHellYeah · 29/12/2018 20:08

How did you have a 16 year old 4 years ago when you've said elsewhere your eldest is 18 now?

You've totally posted about this before here over the years, and had the same response when more details come out. If I remember rightly, you've had threads deleted as they descend. And you always refuse to see any fault in yourself and your parenting.

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 20:10

snoutandab0ut - I’m not, she stood up to ex aged 14, he then blew a perfectly normal scrap out of all proportion and used it as an opportunity to get little one onside. I don’t think for a moment he thought she’d actually end up living with him, certainly wasn’t expecting 2 of them.

As I’ve said before we’ve been to court, twice, both times I was awarded full residency with him visiting. That court order still stands to date. Utterly unenforceable though.

OP posts:
Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 20:12

GimmeGimmeHellYeah - the absolute worst you could level at my parenting is being too upset by court proceedings and other goings on to nip teenagers nonsense in the bud.

And no I haven’t posted about this before, I wish I hadn’t posted about it now but oh well, I won’t be deleting it

OP posts:
FissionChips · 29/12/2018 20:22

It wasn’t teenage nonsense if SS got involved and said they had to be separated.

You’ve fucked it all up , but it’s done now. The best you can do is try some self reflection, understand and take ownership of the role you’ve played in all this.

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 20:26

FissionChips - they didn’t

OP posts:
MrsChollySawcutt · 29/12/2018 20:29

I'm just sitting here looking at my DD16 and DS11 and I can't imagine them ever fighting in the way you describe. We have brought them up to look out for each other and they are fiercely protective of each other.

I can though, imagine the utter heartbreak my DS11 would suffer if he had been bullied and assaulted and I, his mother made choices that meant he had to leave his family home rather than his attacker.

You made your bed OP, you just don't like lying in it.

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 20:30

I wonder if she was physically ill rather than mentally if people would still be saying it’s ok to put that on a 17 year old to look after, she can just call an ambulance and all that. I doubt it very much.

OP posts:
Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 20:30

MrsChollySawcutt - I have t described anything so your imagination is running away with you. They are best of friends now.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 29/12/2018 20:32

But she isn’t physically ill. And her dad is happy with the arrangements.

Is there any reason you didn’t see her in hospital if your daughter is keen to get back in touch like you say?

GimmeGimmeHellYeah · 29/12/2018 20:33

I love how you just pick and choose which questions to answer and acknowledge and which scraps of information you want to share.
What was the point in this post?

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 20:33

Nicknacky - he doesn’t tell me anything the middle child fills me when she gets to hear and she doesn’t always know until days afterwards if she’s staying at friends or with me.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 29/12/2018 20:35

So you don’t actually know if she was in hospital/what for/how long?

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 20:36

Nicknacky - are you suggesting the other child is lying ? I know what I’m told

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 29/12/2018 20:40

Did I say that? I’m saying it’s like Chinese whispers and you don’t actually know what happened.

KittensAndChristmasCake · 29/12/2018 20:41

My mistake was playing into his hands and that day in the hospital when I was told you give permission for him to take her or she goes into care because she won’t go with you

Would ss take a child into care because she didn't want to go home?

I'm getting confused, OP, how many children do you have? Is it just the 17 & 15 year old who live with their Dad? How old is the one who assaulted your dd?

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 20:42

I’m pretty confident the information is accurate given the sisters talk even if there is a delay. But again it’s reflective that I’m not told from the horses mouth

OP posts:
Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 20:42

KittensAndChristmasCake - what else would they do with her ?

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 29/12/2018 20:48

SS will not take 11 year olds into care for a spat. They will not get as involved as that.

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 20:49

Nicknacky - and nor did they, nor did they threaten to.
I’m done here.
Good evening

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 29/12/2018 20:50

Holy fuck, so am I. You are hard work.

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