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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not want ex to leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for a week

217 replies

5fivestar · 29/12/2018 11:07

When the 15 year old has been hospitalised with anxiety.
SS aren’t interested, he left them for 3 days. They didn’t care. Am
Banging my head against a brick wall

OP posts:
Juells · 29/12/2018 11:45

Can't make head nor tail of this, it all sounds very convoluted. Was an older child bullying the youngest one?

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 11:47

Basically

OP posts:
Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 11:49

He then took advyic the situation to be the hero of the day and save his little girl, only now he’s met a 55 year old who had adult children and his little girl is an inconvenience... that’s the jist

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 29/12/2018 11:55

So instead of dealing with a bullying older sibling you let your younger child become so upset she preferred to live with her father. Yet you disguise this by saying he only wanted the younger one because she didnt call himout on his behaviour. You dont sound like you are in a position ti judge him and take the moral high ground. And why are you getting second hand info from a counsellor. Isnt it supposed to be confidential

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 11:59

sweeneytoddsrazor - dealing with it wasn’t an option but thank you for your input

OP posts:
steff13 · 29/12/2018 12:02

Well, like it or not, it doesn't seem as though you have a lot of options. Are you concerned the 17-year-old isn't responsible enough to look after the 15-year-old? I don't know the law there, but here, there is no set age when it's ok to leave a child alone, so it's wouldn't be illegal here. The police might stop by if you called, but if nothing was amiss they wouldn't do anything.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 29/12/2018 12:03

How can dealing with one of your children bullying another one possibly not be an option? Or was the bullying from a non-related child?

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 29/12/2018 12:04

Well as there is obviously a massive back story which you aren't willing to divulge then there isn't much point in posting on here asking for advice

H1dingInSight · 29/12/2018 12:04

Well, TBF you’re not giving us anything like enough information.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 29/12/2018 12:08

You are very quick to put him down, highlight what you see as bad in him, judge the age of the new gf his has yet conveniently gloss over your role in it all.

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 12:09

I think no matter what, 17 year old is too young to be in charge of someone so delicate for a week, but good call on alerting cahms probably not much more can be done.

OP posts:
Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 12:10

sweeneytoddsrazor - Ah yes my role was to choose between my children, what happy times they were.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 29/12/2018 12:10

Who told you he thinks his DD just an inconvenience?

Also, has she actually said she doesn't want him to go away for the week?

I know she has anxiety but that doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't think she'll cope.

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 12:12

As for the girlfriends age I only mentioned it because she doesn’t want this in her life at 55, who would, don’t blame her at all

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 29/12/2018 12:12

When did you last see your daughter?

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 12:12

WorraLiberty - the 17 year old told me.

OP posts:
Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 12:13

Nicknacky - August

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 29/12/2018 12:15

I think you might have to accept that dad has made a judgement call and is happy they are fine to be left.

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 12:15

Yes.
It’s just frustrating.

OP posts:
swingofthings · 29/12/2018 12:17

You haven't heard it from them? They didn't contact you to say they were concerned? Did you actually ask them? How do you know that someone won't be coming to check on them, spend the night etc...

steff13 · 29/12/2018 12:18

The bullying child must be an adult now, right? Would your daughter come home and live with you now?

I feel bad for her.

user139328237 · 29/12/2018 12:18

If you haven't seen her since August I really don't think you have much say in the matter and you are not really any better than absent fathers.
Do you at least pay child maintenance?

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 12:19

user139328237 - it’s not my choice not to see her and yes actually I do, a significant amount

OP posts:
Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 12:20

Not the CSA calculated bare minimum

OP posts:
Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 12:21

steff13 - me too, but no not yet

OP posts: