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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not want ex to leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for a week

217 replies

5fivestar · 29/12/2018 11:07

When the 15 year old has been hospitalised with anxiety.
SS aren’t interested, he left them for 3 days. They didn’t care. Am
Banging my head against a brick wall

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 29/12/2018 12:55

Well thats totally different to any of your other posts.

Nicknacky · 29/12/2018 12:56

So she was hospitalised out of the blue aged 11 with an anxiety related condition?

And you tell her just to go live with her dad then!? I can’t imagine why she has little contact with you....

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 12:56

sweeneytoddsrazor - it really isn’t.
The kids all fought as teenagers do, they still do. Unfortunately the older one got a bit heavy handed, belted the little one, ex reported her age 16 to the police. SS said choose. What a choice.

OP posts:
DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 29/12/2018 13:01

You chose the bully, who had assaulted a younger child badly enough for a police report to be made. You now can't start getting arsey about the care of a child you rejected. Maybe you don't see it as rejection, but it absolutely was and I can guarantee that she sees it that way.

Yulebealrite · 29/12/2018 13:03

I think that you notify cahms and then stay out of it after offering the option to stay with you and reassuring older dd that you are at the end of the phone if they need you.

You can't do anything else.

Rubusfruticosus · 29/12/2018 13:04

You chose a violent 16 year old over a child?

Lichtie · 29/12/2018 13:07

OP do you really think a 16 year old attacking an 11 year old is normal behavior. No wonder she wanted out of your house

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 13:07

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet - you see there’s the thing. It was nowhere near of a scale that required a police report. I’d bet 90% of 5 year olds have had worse scraps but when you’re dealing with someone like my ex it’s used as a way of making little girl leave her mum because then he can’t be that bad can he. SS wanted a quick resolution because he couldn’t take her from the hospital, she couldn’t come home they didn’t want to put her in foster care.
Put it this way. The 17 year old and our younger child are still allowed to live at home and 17 year old is here very regularly so not that much of a concern is it ?

OP posts:
Aridane · 29/12/2018 13:08

Shit

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 13:09

16 year old did not put her in hospital btw. Panic attack did by ex 5 days afterwards taking her to a police station to make a statement

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 29/12/2018 13:09

Your minimising is horrific. Thankfully SS and your ex had concerns if you didn’t.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 29/12/2018 13:09

A police report and SS telling you to choose is nit your average all siblings fighting which might occasionally result in fisticuffs. You chose a violent bully over a young girl. And hiw would it have been catastrophic for all your other children if you had chosen the younger one.

Nicknacky · 29/12/2018 13:10

Why didn’t you send the 16 year old to stay with her dad instead?

FissionChips · 29/12/2018 13:10

A 17 and 15 year old can look after themselves for a week. It’s a long time since your child was in hospital, why would that be a concern now?.

Are you actually concerned about them (really no need to be at those ages) or do you just want to cause trouble for your ex?

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 13:11

Nicknacky - she hasn’t got a dad

OP posts:
Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 13:12

FissionChips - it’s not a long time, most recent was less than a fortnight ago.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 29/12/2018 13:12

Ok, another relative then? As it is you sent the victim of an assault away. No wonder she is traumatised

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 13:13

FissionChips - and yes I do want him to look after this child. If that’s trouble so be it

OP posts:
Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 13:14

Nicknacky - no there isn’t anyone so she was out the door, not even into care, out for what fighting with a sibling ? I promise you most of your toddlers would hit harder, I was there.

OP posts:
FissionChips · 29/12/2018 13:14

I apologise for getting that wrong.

17 year old can just phone you or an ambulance etc if needed. Nothing else you can do really.

Starlight456 · 29/12/2018 13:17

I am confused but can see a 15 year old and 17 year old would be fine. I left home at 17

I don’t for one minute imagine this is a simplistic choice as people are making out

Juells · 29/12/2018 13:19

a bit heavy handed Confused

FrogFairy · 29/12/2018 13:20

Can the grandparents step in to offer some support?

Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 13:22

FissionChips - well yes

OP posts:
Original poster
5fivestar · 29/12/2018 13:23

FrogFairy They are 80

OP posts: