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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL completely ignored my wishes again

333 replies

DappledThings · 28/12/2018 14:18

I'm so grumpy right now. I hate presents. Hate them. Everyone knows this. I thought this year I had managed to make it so I had nothing to unwrap but PIL refused to accept this and I now have a small pile of stuff I don't want or need that probably represents a waste of a a good £100.

I asked for either a charity present (the goat type) or to just be included in DH's presents and make them joint. SIL did the latter which was great. But PIL utterly refused. Have just overheard a conversation between MIL and SIL about me not appearing too thrilled. Because I'm not.

I'm pissed right off that yet again my desire to not receive anything has to come second to someone else's desire to go shopping. It's bollocks and I'm so unhappy.

I've never had any other complaint about PIL. I love them both, they're great people. But simply refuse to actually ever get me what I want for Xmas or birthday.

OP posts:
userschmoozer · 28/12/2018 14:21

Yanbu, there's such a difference between a thoughtful gift and one that is made for the benefit of the giver.

ADastardlyThing · 28/12/2018 14:26

Really?

Thewifipasswordis · 28/12/2018 14:28

Do a live Youtube Mumsnet Raffle. I would love to win something to unwrap ☺

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 28/12/2018 14:30

I don’t really understand why this annoys you so much and you can’t donate the gifts to a charity shop or shelter.

But YANBU as they could have spent a fiver if they simply had to get a gift for you.

GreenTulips · 28/12/2018 14:30

I think more people will do as you’ve done/said

I see a big change in attitudes to waste.

Good luck

CarrieBlu · 28/12/2018 14:30

I personally couldn’t get worked up over this. I’d just take the lot to a charity shop and feel happy that someone somewhere would benefit from picking up a bargain and the charity would benefit too.

Original poster
DappledThings · 28/12/2018 14:31

Really?

Yes, really. I've been ignored and my wishes belittled. Again. Is that not something I'm allowed to be pissed off about?

OP posts:
JumpingJunipersBatman · 28/12/2018 14:31

Unwrap them, smile and say thank you and then charity shop them.

I get what you are saying but is it worth causing friction in what is otherwise a good relationship? Yes, it may be more about them than you but it might also be tgeir way of showing affection and they might not completely get that you don't want anything.

Next year tell them specifically that you want x.

Original poster
DappledThings · 28/12/2018 14:32

I don’t really understand why this annoys you so much

Because I hate receiving presents and
especially unwrapping them in front of people. It makes me really tense and anxious and then grumpy I've been unnecessarily put in that position

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 28/12/2018 14:34

Get over yourself and give them to charity.

HollowTalk · 28/12/2018 14:35

Blimey. I'm sorry, OP, but you sound like hard work.

Original poster
DappledThings · 28/12/2018 14:36

Get over yourself and give them to charity.

I will if I can. But I've heard charity shops are inundated with toiletry stuff after Christmas and throw loads away. It's such a fucking waste and that just pisses me off.

OP posts:
MrsCar · 28/12/2018 14:36

I've told my mum the exact same thing over the years. I've even pleaded with her at times, I told her that too much stuff/clutter really stresses me out, but she still did it anyway.

In the last few years, I've realised that the presents are more for her benefit than mine; she enjoys shopping, wrapping presents and 'giving'. So I've had to let it go.

It's usually stuff I don't like or need, but I fake gratitude, and what I haven't given to my teen dd, I'll donate to charity in January.

I'd imagine it's the same with your inlaws

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2018 14:37

I probably would've bought you a teeny, tiny little violin to play.

ADastardlyThing · 28/12/2018 14:37

Of course you can be pissed off that they wanted to buy you gifts and buy their son something rather than include you as a joint recipient. You're being overly dramatic and attention seeking about it though. I have a friend like this, doesn't want a fuss but then causes a fuss by stating how much of a fuss she doesn't want to cause and then mood Hoover's the atmosphere. It's pretty exhausting tbh.

Original poster
DappledThings · 28/12/2018 14:37

Blimey. I'm sorry, OP, but you sound like hard work.

I really genuinely don't understand this and I'm not being goady in asking you to explain. I just want people to make an online charity donation (the least hard work it can possibly be to but something) or buy nothing.

How is that hard work? I don't get it.

OP posts:
JudgeRindersMinder · 28/12/2018 14:38

If you can’t eonate them to a charity shop, then my local Womas Aid or foodbank is always grateful for toiletries

CarrieBlu · 28/12/2018 14:38

But I've heard charity shops are inundated with toiletry stuff after Christmas and throw loads away. It's such a fucking waste and that just pisses me off.

Give the toiletries to a food bank to hand out the.

CarrieBlu · 28/12/2018 14:38

*then.

JenFromTheGlen · 28/12/2018 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DappledThings · 28/12/2018 14:39

I have a friend like this, doesn't want a fuss but then causes a fuss by stating how much of a fuss she doesn't want to cause

Not sure how venting online comes under that category.

And if I don't ever cause a fuss then my wishes will be ignored forever. Why is tjat reasonable? Why does it have to be me who puts up and shuts up every time?

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 28/12/2018 14:40

Presents are usually what the giver wants to give.
Unopened toiletries can go to a foodbank or charity shop.

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2018 14:40

Christmas is not all about you OP

It's a time for giving and giving makes so many people happy.

I don't see why the thought of making others happy, makes you so grumpy.

Box them up and pass them to a food bank.

Userplusnumbers · 28/12/2018 14:41

I've been ignored and my wishes belittled.

This is one of those situations where you just have to suck it up I think - why does your desire not to receive outweigh someone else desire to give?

Donate the presents to charity, give them to a friend, throw them away.

Personally, it would make me really uncomfortable to be exchanging gifts with family and have someone sat there with nothing - what is your actual issue with receiving gifts?

SheDancesOnTheSand · 28/12/2018 14:41

Ask them if they've kept the receipt as you would like to exchange/refund it for something you would actually like. Do that every time you get a gift - I'm sure they'd get the message? (Obviously quite a blunt thing to do, I guess it depends if you want to keep a relationship with them?)