PIL completely ignored my wishes again

[DappledThings]

I'm so grumpy right now. I hate presents. Hate them. Everyone knows this. I thought this year I had managed to make it so I had nothing to unwrap but PIL refused to accept this and I now have a small pile of stuff I don't want or need that probably represents a waste of a a good £100.

I asked for either a charity present (the goat type) or to just be included in DH's presents and make them joint. SIL did the latter which was great. But PIL utterly refused. Have just overheard a conversation between MIL and SIL about me not appearing too thrilled. Because I'm not.

I'm pissed right off that yet again my desire to not receive anything has to come second to someone else's desire to go shopping. It's bollocks and I'm so unhappy.

I've never had any other complaint about PIL. I love them both, they're great people. But simply refuse to actually ever get me what I want for Xmas or birthday.

Do you buy presents for other people OP? If so, why

Because they want them. Because I like to do what other people want in general. All I'm asking is for the same courtesy.

Clearly not just online though if they are talking about your attitude? Just re-gift or take to a local women's/homeless shelter.

You're not saying "No presents please

I've tried that. It was made clear this was unacceptable. So I tried a compromise.

I just don't get it.

Hold that thought. That feeling of not "getting" why they buy presents. Now try and understand that's how they feel about your wish for no presents.

Clearly not just online though if they are talking about your attitude

I was polite. Just not ecstatic.

I feel the exact same OP. I don't had the courage to say it to my new in-laws yet but my family and friends respect and understand my wishes. My in-laws have a very different view on Christmas and giving. They give token presents and cards to everyone and regift often. I just don't see the point.

Toiletries etc will be very welcome at a food bank. People are often in need of soap, shampoo etc.

BTW - YANBU.

Are you always prone to such drama OP, or is it just the festive season that makes it reach a peak?

The 'I don't understand' routine is wearing thin already.

You do understand, you just like to control other people from the sound of it.

Food bank or refuge and then find something else to control.

I think people mean you are emotionally and mentally exhausting.

You do come across a bit stroppy.

OP I know you asked for a charity gift or to be included in DH's gift but have you actually said " I don't want any present as I feel uncomfortable opening them so please don't buy me anything " ?

The 'I don't understand' routine is wearing thin already
But I don't! Why can't I be given what I want.

And I'm only like this 2 days a year!

Why can't you use the shower gel etc? Or give them ideas for things you will use? Unless you never buy anything there must be useful items you want?

I’m not keen on receiving gifts either unless it’s something I have asked for.

I give toiletries to the school raffle (Easter, Christmas etc..), other things can be given to charity shops, food items to food banks.

I hate opening gifts in front of people though I am good at making out “I love it” 🤣

It’s much easier if someone asks me what I want, I’m not fussy and there are a few simple, useful items Thant I am happy to receive (such as a diary or some warm gloves).

OP I know you asked for a charity gift or to be included in DH's gift but have you actually said " I don't want any present as I feel uncomfortable opening them so please don't buy me anything

Yes, they think it's funny.

This is a case of:
AIBU,
yes,
no I'm not.

You're not articulating the why very well OP - I'd put it down to one of two things - either you have some self esteem issues and don't feel worthy of gifts from other people, or you have some sort of anxiety around asking for what you really want.

Either way, your taking what is your issue, and making it other people's. If you feel that strongly about it - why not opt out of Christmas completely? Don't buy gifts for others, make it clear, and ask for the same in return - then bugger off out of the way for Christmas?

Anyway no more replies for a bit my battery's dying and we're off out.

There's whole threads devoted to reducing plastic use and waste, but when people try to actually make any sort of real change they get called names.

Give the presents back to them for their birthdays or save till nect Christmas.

Anyway no more replies for a bit my battery's dying and we're off out

You should have asked them to buy you a portable battery charger.

Well OP, they could buy you a goat but they gave you something that a local women's charity would be very happy to receive. So that's kind of the same thing.

Other option is to flog on FB and give the proceeds to a goat.

If they see that you end up selling it every Christmas they may well stop buying for you. I think it would feel awkward for them to sit and watch you receive nothing while they open gifts which is why they ignore your wishes. Is there something tangible you could ask for that you open but is actually useful?

Either for home improvement or your car. A tool? A new kettle?

'You should have asked them to buy you a portable battery charger.'

What a fantastic idea Op

Add it to....

Your 'goat'

Toiletries kind of stuff would be so well received by women's refuges.

It happens. I like presents but have developed quite an attitude about what we don't need, so my parents bought us a matching green kettle and four slice toaster (just moved, kitchen/lounge is going green) and for once I was pleased with a functional present 😂

But I'm really thinking about asking next year for a goat or water fountain or something, for the third world. We have no space in the flat.

Although I've always wanted a real goat...

I don't think YABU, but people don't really get it, I think particularly people from older generations who had to make so much more effort for each other during rationing and so on. Any little thing was precious as a gift. Times are changing though.

I think you need perspective. You are dwelling on this far too much. This isn’t really a problem to get worked up about.

Let it go. Some people have real problems over Christmas. This is not one of them.

Next time ask for a Book token and give it to a local school for special needs.
The OP has said the main problem is about her not like opening presents in front of people and being embarrassed.
So it sounds like it's about trying to avoid that happening.
If you asked for a Book Token and knew (even secretly) that it was going to a really good cause maybe you could turn your discomfort dial to endure 3 minutes of uncomfortableness.

OP you are coming across very stroppy and a bit of a drama queen. People have the right to give you gifts if it makes them happy. You have the right to take those gifts back to the store to exchange or donate them to charity or worst case, throw them in a bin. You getting pissed off and grumpy is extremely unreasonable.