PIL completely ignored my wishes again

[DappledThings]

I'm so grumpy right now. I hate presents. Hate them. Everyone knows this. I thought this year I had managed to make it so I had nothing to unwrap but PIL refused to accept this and I now have a small pile of stuff I don't want or need that probably represents a waste of a a good £100.

I asked for either a charity present (the goat type) or to just be included in DH's presents and make them joint. SIL did the latter which was great. But PIL utterly refused. Have just overheard a conversation between MIL and SIL about me not appearing too thrilled. Because I'm not.

I'm pissed right off that yet again my desire to not receive anything has to come second to someone else's desire to go shopping. It's bollocks and I'm so unhappy.

I've never had any other complaint about PIL. I love them both, they're great people. But simply refuse to actually ever get me what I want for Xmas or birthday.

But your other thread is discussing things you may like

Afternoon tea vouchers
Primark vouchers

Double standards perhaps??

Women’s Aid, foodbanks etc will thank you for spare toiletries.

And if I don't ever cause a fuss then my wishes will be ignored forever. Why is tjat reasonable? Why does it have to be me who puts up and shuts up every time?

This is really ridiculous. You sound like a stroppy teenager. It is one thing they do that you don't like and it makes them happy. Suck it up.

You might be right about charity shops inundated with toiletry sets. How about nursing homes, women’s refuges, hospitals? That stuff can be so useful to some people. Or wait and donate them to school fair for tombola prizes? I do this with things I have no use for.

But your other thread is discussing things you may like

Afternoon tea vouchers
Primark vouchers

Double standards perhaps??

That whole thread was me trying my hardest to find something if they were going to be absolutely insistent on getting me something under sufference. I thought they had agreed to make DH's present joint so it was moot.

why does your desire not to receive outweigh someone else desire to give?

This is indeed the nub of it. Why does my desire not outweigh it?

YABU
Get over it. Be bloody grateful you have people in your life that care about you.

And thank you for suggestions re shelters etc. DH works in a hospital, that might be somewhere I can take body lotion (which I've never used in my life)

Ohhh my first biscuit! Love it!

You know what they are like OP. You aren't going to change them so next year ask for something that you would consider useful and wouldn't mind unwrapping, like socks or a book or whatever else you would find acceptable.

They are otherwise lovely people. I would just move on and appreciate the thought. You sound exhausting.

'body lotion (which I've never used in my life)'

Ooo try it Op

Might even soften you up a bit

This is indeed the nub of it. Why does my desire not outweigh it?

Because their desire to give it born out of sheer kindness

Your desire not to receive is born out of control freakery and drama from the sound of it.

And if you don't want presents, then don't be asking for donations or anything else.

Stick to your guns if you must and you'll soon find they'll get the measure of you eventually.

Might even soften you up a bit

Good one!

Why does my desire not outweigh it?

Because in society we tend to follow social "norms". Your desire is not the social norm so it is difficult for others to understand. It's how societies work.

I'm with you op - there is such waste at Christmas.

My side of the family has stopped presents for the adults and it is so much better.

My in-laws buy me a load of rubbish. No point in saying no, they wouldn't listen. I don't buy them anything but dh does. I know he'd prefer it my family's way but he's stopped asking as consumerism is like a juggernaut.

My MIL buys me some bloody awful gifts. Really ugly or horrible stuff that I would never normally use or wear. Anyone who has met me would know that the stuff she buys is a million miles from my taste. But, I just smile sweetly, thank her, give it away to charity or someone else who has a use for it and then I move on and forget about it. Everyone’s happy.

Marthas

And if you don't want presents, then don't be asking for donations or anything else.

But that's my compromise. That was they get to spend money on something I'll appreciate. Why is that not Ok? I just don't get it.

This is indeed the nub of it. Why does my desire not outweigh it?

Because its Christmas OP, there's a whole weight of cultural and societal expectations, ingrained expectations, and high emotions. The giving of gifts is intrinsically tied up with how you feel about someone, in a way that goes back centuries.

Do you buy presents for other people OP? If so, why?

. You sound exhausting.

Again, how? I'm asking people to make the minimum effort possoble by clicking a few times on a website. How is that exhausting?

Ohhh my first biscuit! Love it!

Tbh I doubt you would, it’s probably make you feel like your wishes are being ignored or something!

OP, really this is a minor thing. They’re trying to be kind. If you don’t want the gifts there are plenty of causes who’d be pleased of them

But that's my compromise. That was they get to spend money on something I'll appreciate. Why is that not Ok? I just don't get it.

Because you're giving mixed messages.

You're not saying "No presents please"

You're saying "I'm a control freak and this is what I'm telling you to spend your money on".

Well this is a new one I guess. The majority of threads regarding Christmas presents are from people complaining they didn't get something or it was the wrong thing.

Just charity shop it or regift it back to them on their birthday or next Christmas