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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is really odd behaviour

354 replies

MelbaToast · 28/12/2018 01:40

Been with BF together a while now (about a year). The reason why I'm wondering this is because he has never invited me to his house. Ever. Our whole relationship has taken place from my house and a couple of bars in between our houses, which we go to once a month. He told me this was because he was doing work to his house. The other week I was really direct and asked him when he was going to invite me over and he said when the work is finished, ie, mid 2019. I've driven past his road a couple of times and there is scaffolding outside, so I do believe he's having work done. I just find it really odd that he wouldn't want to show me where he lives. He's also never introduced me to any of his friends (I'm digging my heels in with this one and not introducing him to any of my friends until he initiates).

I think my concern is that he has someone more serious that he doesn't want me to know about.

OP posts:
Loveweekends10 · 28/12/2018 01:42

Like another woman living there? Or maybe he’s a hoarder?

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 28/12/2018 01:42

I would be worried sorry

EduCated · 28/12/2018 01:43

I think this is one of those times where you have to listen to your gut. If something feels off, it very likely is.

I could just about imagine home not inviting you if he’s having substantial work done, but would expect the answer to be more ‘you’re more than welcome to come, but there’s no floor/ceiling/a massive hole in the wall’

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 28/12/2018 01:43

Just go there and knock. Or leave him

DelightfulCunt · 28/12/2018 01:52

I’d insist on popping in one day, sounds dodge

CottonTailRabbit · 28/12/2018 02:00

How do you know scaffolding house is his house?

Poppylizzyrose · 28/12/2018 02:08

I was with someone who led a double life, it causes massive emotional damage. Taken me 4 years to get out of an off on relationship, when I found out I was already in too deep and head over heels believe any lies love. He’s now with an ex friend of mine and got his ex pregnant....we don’t speak at all but it’s still sad I wasted all that time and energy. Please get out now!!!!

Redglitter · 28/12/2018 02:09

Sounds like he has another relationship. He wont let you see his home or meet his friends? Could it be because you're unknowingly the OW.

How often do you see him? Is he easily contactable?

Dreamscomingtrue · 28/12/2018 02:12

Maybe look his name up on the local council website to see if he is the owner of the house? If there’s more than one person living there it should show up because it’s the register that’s used for voting.

I’ve been married for donkeys years, but previous to that I visited all of my boyfriends homes, And met their families and friends, it all sounds a bit odd to me. The combination of not visiting the house nor meeting friends would ring alarm bells for me, I’m afraid.

Lovingbenidorm · 28/12/2018 02:16

The not introducing you to friends thing bothers me more than the house thing tbh.
If his house is a shit tip and he’s having work done I can understand.
If you’ve been together a year and haven’t met his mates, very suspicious.
Sorry

Marcipex · 28/12/2018 02:16

I answered the door to a woman looking for my husband and explaining that she was his girlfriend. She too had been looking at the house for a while. It was a dreadful shock. I'd had no idea.
Please be kind if you do this ( not to him)

nicenewdusters · 28/12/2018 02:20

I'd definitely just drop by. No one is that house proud.

steff13 · 28/12/2018 02:21

I'd assume he was married.

Fairenuff · 28/12/2018 02:22

How do you know he even lives there?

LuluJakey1 · 28/12/2018 02:23

Listen to your gut instincts- that's why we have them, to protect us. He is hiding something or someone.

LuluJakey1 · 28/12/2018 02:27

Have you really never been anywhere but the same two pubs once a month and your house?
No restaurants, cinemas, concerts, walks, cafes, shopping, hotels? Not met a single friend of his or his family? That is weird. Honestly it is weird. Is he mean with money? What has happened over Christmas and will happen at New Year?

MattFreisCheekyDimples · 28/12/2018 02:28

Oh dear, married, I'd say, or at least a total timewaster. A year is a hell of a long time to have put up with this nonsense, OP.

LilQueenie · 28/12/2018 02:33

look his address up online it will tell who lives there.

ShowerOfClowns · 28/12/2018 02:39

Probably double life.

UnicornSlaughters · 28/12/2018 02:40

The most likely scenario is that you've inadvertently become the OW. I'm sorry Flowers

user1473878824 · 28/12/2018 02:42

OP, I’m really sorry, but I got to the end of “Ever.” and just thought ‘well of course not, that’s where his wife lives’. And then I read the rest of your post and nothing changed....

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 28/12/2018 02:43

He doesn’t live in that house.

category12 · 28/12/2018 02:48

No introduction to any of his friends and no visit to his home in a year?! Something ain't right there.

Donkdonkgoo · 28/12/2018 02:55

There's a reason he's keeping you separate from the rest of his life. You need to find out why and before you waste anymore of your life with him.

SadOtter · 28/12/2018 02:59

When I lived with my parents I never invited anyone round, the house was fucking disgusting (mouldy, dirty, messy), they are racist and nasty and their dog bit, but boyfriends met my friends as soon as things were semi serious.

A year in they would have been to mine. Not as a regular thing, but at least once, by which time they'd know theirs was the better option. The fact you haven't been once makes me think other woman, sorry.

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