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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is really odd behaviour

354 replies

MelbaToast · 28/12/2018 01:40

Been with BF together a while now (about a year). The reason why I'm wondering this is because he has never invited me to his house. Ever. Our whole relationship has taken place from my house and a couple of bars in between our houses, which we go to once a month. He told me this was because he was doing work to his house. The other week I was really direct and asked him when he was going to invite me over and he said when the work is finished, ie, mid 2019. I've driven past his road a couple of times and there is scaffolding outside, so I do believe he's having work done. I just find it really odd that he wouldn't want to show me where he lives. He's also never introduced me to any of his friends (I'm digging my heels in with this one and not introducing him to any of my friends until he initiates).

I think my concern is that he has someone more serious that he doesn't want me to know about.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 28/12/2018 10:26

So he comes to your house (presumably for sex) or you go to the pub.

Doesn't sound much fun.

alansleftfoot · 28/12/2018 10:29

He's married, you're the ow

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 28/12/2018 10:29

What's an amazing account?

steff13 · 28/12/2018 10:30

I think she meant Amazon account.

rainbowstardrops · 28/12/2018 10:34

It sounds a bit dodgy to me. Definitely go and knock on the door

alansleftfoot · 28/12/2018 10:36

He didn't see you over Xmas because he was with his family. He's obviously lying. Knock on the door.

Holidayshopping · 28/12/2018 10:38

Very very odd.

Confusedbeetle · 28/12/2018 10:39

Married

babysharkah · 28/12/2018 10:40

I'm afraid I think double life too, sorry.

vampirethriller · 28/12/2018 10:40

I had a boyfriend who didn't introduce me to anyone or take me home, didn't spend Xmas with me,a couple of years ago. Turned out he didn't take me home because his long term partner and baby were there and he didn't introduce me to anyone because they all knew her.

ShesABelter · 28/12/2018 10:40

He could be like my grandad and a massive hoarder his house is a shit hole. He is so proud he'd fall out with us if we mentioned it or tried to tidy it. We aren't allowed there but it's never been discussed why. He just makes an excuse of why he will come to us and we know exactly why but not sure if he knows we know why. His last two "lady friends" as he calls them moaned at never being invited round and when they came and stayed in our town he actually booked a hotel room! Then when they started really pushing to see him he stopped seeing them.

So could be ashamed of a messy place BUT combined with the going to brothers at Xmas and lack of meeting friends or family and only going to limited places. It does sound like you are the bit on the side.

cuppycakey · 28/12/2018 10:44

Married Sad

TitOfTheIceberg · 28/12/2018 10:46

Over Christmas he has been staying with his brother (apparently) and he called me every day.

Married. Sneaking away from his wife (and possibly kids) to ring you, the unwitting OW, when he can. Sorry OP, you deserve better.

LoniceraJaponica · 28/12/2018 10:48

Anyone else reminded of Mrs Wilson?

Going to the same 2 places every time also sounds dodgy. It sounds like they are places that his friends never go to, and he is afraid of bumping into someone he knows if you go elsewhere.

Have you met any of his family?

brighteyeowl17 · 28/12/2018 10:48

Check electoral role see if he lives there

LoniceraJaponica · 28/12/2018 10:48

Is he on Facebook? Can you suss out anything from there?

Chickoletta · 28/12/2018 10:52

I suspect that he's married. Sorry.

Seaweed42 · 28/12/2018 10:59

If someone is having work done to their house, they are usually very excited about it and would be dying to show someone around.

DianaT1969 · 28/12/2018 11:02

Does he have friends? Some men don't have friends locally (just old school/college mates). What does he say his relationship history is? Previously married, last girlfriend etc?
What type of job does he do? Know that turning up at his house might mean it's over, even if he isn't married. But would you be losing anything if it is over?

trulybadlydeeply · 28/12/2018 11:02

Yes, check who is on the electoral roll at the address. Also look for clues on any social media.

It's not going to be good though, OP, I'm afraid. If you have been seeing each other for a year and he was doing lots of building work, then I would expect him to perhaps show you what he's been doing, the progress he's making etc. At this stage of your relationship you would also want to be meeting friends and family. I presume you haven't met any of his family either - parents, siblings etc?

Lynne45 · 28/12/2018 11:03

It does sound suspicious but if there’s scaffolding up then he could be telling the truth! I didn’t let anyone into my house when I was having work done as it was a mess. Fingers crossed it’s innocent.

FlamingJuno · 28/12/2018 11:04

I'm not sure it's anything suspicious, especially as you know his address. I'm assuming he's just not that into you.

Natsku · 28/12/2018 11:04

Sorry OP but he is almost certainly in another relationship. But if a woman does answer the door maybe you should tell her so that she can make up her own mind about her relationship, just do it gently. A friend had to do that recently with someone on Tinder as she did some digging and found out he was married so she messaged the wife so she could make an informed decision.

Kione · 28/12/2018 11:06

"Over Christmas he has been staying with his brother (apparently) and he called me every day.

Married. Sneaking away from his wife (and possibly kids) to ring you, the unwitting OW, when he can. Sorry OP, you deserve better."

I am with this. Also i encourage you to knock and if a woman answers, do ask her if she is his wife (could be a house mate after all) and I think she would deserve to know what he is up to if she is his wife.

OrdinarySnowflake · 28/12/2018 11:06

To be honest, his behaviour has made you suspicious, he's not treating you like a potential life partner, by keeping you away from his home, family and friends. Even if he does live there, doesn't have a secret second life and the spidy senses are wrong- this relationship doesn't work for you does it?

Go check for your own sanity, but really, do you see a future with him if you have to force every bit of normality out of him?