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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is really odd behaviour

354 replies

MelbaToast · 28/12/2018 01:40

Been with BF together a while now (about a year). The reason why I'm wondering this is because he has never invited me to his house. Ever. Our whole relationship has taken place from my house and a couple of bars in between our houses, which we go to once a month. He told me this was because he was doing work to his house. The other week I was really direct and asked him when he was going to invite me over and he said when the work is finished, ie, mid 2019. I've driven past his road a couple of times and there is scaffolding outside, so I do believe he's having work done. I just find it really odd that he wouldn't want to show me where he lives. He's also never introduced me to any of his friends (I'm digging my heels in with this one and not introducing him to any of my friends until he initiates).

I think my concern is that he has someone more serious that he doesn't want me to know about.

OP posts:
PumpkinPie2016 · 28/12/2018 14:26

I would also be suspicious OP Sad sorry! Do me is know how you get on with title deeds/going around though!

After an entire year it's weird that you haven't met a single friend/family member or been to his house. Renovations isn't really an excuse if he has nothing to hide. We are friends with a family down the lane who are doing major renovations on their house (think rebuilding parts!) And a have been there loads of times (and they have been to us). The fact that there is mess due to renovations just doesn't matter - a are friends and want to see eachother - this is how it should be with your boyfriend.

The same two pubs is also odd - sounds like he knows where he won't bump into anyone.

Puggles123 · 28/12/2018 14:29

That is weird, if it was one or the other such as not been to his house but met his friends then not so much; but after a year you would think he would want you to meet his friends or see his house. He is probably either hiding something or doesn’t see much of a future so is limiting the exposure you have to his friends etc.

notapizzaeater · 28/12/2018 14:31

It's weird, has he been burnt before ? Do you know any of his friends / family ? Are you his friend on Facebook ? Ever posted any pictures ?

HollowTalk · 28/12/2018 14:32

So you are going now?

I was going to ask whether you were able to call him at any time you liked, eg over Christmas, or whether he insisted he called you.

Fiveletters · 28/12/2018 14:35

Wow! I hope you get answers. It’s shifty behaviour imo but sometimes there are rational explanations.

WhatwouldCJdo · 28/12/2018 14:42

Baffled on how you could have been together a year and his life and your life hasn't interwoven more as you seem to live pretty local to each (to drive by and see scaffolding).

Hope it's not a hideous reason but more of a 'ashamed 'of home situation

Thewifipasswordis · 28/12/2018 14:43

@UhUhUhDennis my Mum lived a second life. She had a 20yr affair and I think it's still ongoing though she denies it and says it ended years ago. She used to leave me and my sister with my arsehole father while she spent time away, days with his daughters, trips away under the guise of college and create arguments out of thin air to go and stay at my Nans house, except then she'd leave and leave me to sleep there and be a little confused. I only really realised that's what it was ... a second life... recently and it's made me feel somewhat worthless about my childhood. She would rather have her cake and eat it than leave my father for this man and create a bigger happier family (he wanted her to leave and bring us with her).

Kione · 28/12/2018 14:44

"I was going to ask whether you were able to call him at any time you liked, eg over Christmas, or whether he insisted he called you."

That's a good call, and the OP says he called her every day.

He could have two phones tho. A bit extreme, but to keep it for nearly a year...

MsChookandtheelvesofFahFah · 28/12/2018 14:44

Do you see him regularly or extremely regularly? I.e often and different nights and weekends or e.g. every Tuesday 8.30 and Friday till late but never staying over?

Original poster
MelbaToast · 28/12/2018 14:50

I finish work in an hour. He says his last relationship ended really badly. They were all ready to get married and start a family. Lives were very intertwined and then she broke off with him and left him for someone else. He doesn't talk about it but the one time he did I got the sense she broke his heart. The problem I'm having is that when we got together it was so different to how it is now. We went to different places all the time initially and my gut really told me he was a good guy who had had a difficult time. I just think I haven't been ready to confront the reality of what has become our relationship until now.

OP posts:
MulledWineMayhem · 28/12/2018 14:53

The sooner you find out what’s going on the better you don’t want to invest time and feelings into something that’s false.

Original poster
MelbaToast · 28/12/2018 14:54

I usually see him twice a week on a Monday and Friday. From 8pm onwards. He's stayed over a few times but not regularly (usually because he works on Saturdays - he's a plumber and Saturday is his biggest earning day).

OP posts:
SydneyFrexkle · 28/12/2018 14:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SoniaShoe · 28/12/2018 15:15
Brew
Pfingstrose · 28/12/2018 15:43

Good luck OP. Doesn't sound great.

TeddybearBaby · 28/12/2018 15:46

Good luck. Hope he’s just messy. I’m picturing him answering the door looking shocked to see you but not up to no good 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Boyskeepswinging · 28/12/2018 15:55

Yes, I also thought of Mrs Wilson ...

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 28/12/2018 15:56

I really hope you do it OP, don’t go on any longer with this hanging over you. You deserve to know either way.

Letthenamesbegin · 28/12/2018 16:00

Is he on social media?

BitOutOfPractice · 28/12/2018 16:02

If it's not dodgy it's odd. Good luck

CodeGeen · 28/12/2018 16:09

Good luck OP

newyearnamechange · 28/12/2018 16:14

Best of luck op

ApproachingATunnel · 28/12/2018 16:21

Sorry, he’s lying.
Pretends to be oh so heartbroken so that you dont ask more details about past relationship
Never around on sat- i bet he’s at home giving his wife break with the kid(s)
Seeing him on fri - he probably tells her he’s popping into a pub with mates after work
Mondays- fakes a late job/hobby
Meeting you after 8pm - he has a young child and manages to spin a lie and leave the house after his/her bedtime.
If he was uncommitted you would be seeing more of him at random times and days, i suspect he’s a liar...
But then im cynical like that...

HoneyDoo · 28/12/2018 16:22

You have already said it, this relationship is not good for you and while you're lovely and compassionate regarding his history, you matter too and right now you don't trust him, with good reason because he's turned something so simple into this huge monster.

Follow your instinct and do what you need to so you can feel at peace. Be prepared for a fallout either way, either you'll find something that will hurt you, a lot or he will be so upset that you're checking up on him that he'll end it regardless.

You are worth being treated with respect, do what your gut tells you.
Head held high and shoulders back and straight.

You've got this.

JeffJarrett · 28/12/2018 16:24

I went to DP's for the first 4 months as his place was much fancier than mine and I was a little embarrassed. A year is a long time though. Hope it works out well OP.