Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving Christmas presents in black bags

192 replies

Instamummy123 · 27/12/2018 18:23

Just wanted some people’s opinions.
My husband my daughter and myself all go to my MIL house for Christmas Eve which is a 3 hour drive away. Anyway we had a lovely Christmas Eve loads of extended family etc, later on when everyone had left I took our 3 year old to bed who had already fallen asleep on the sofa then my husband and myself brought all her Christmas presents in from the car which were all packed in black bags we sat them in the lounge but did not unpack them plan was to do it before we went to bed. Our daughter woke up and came walking along the hallway towards the lounge so I hurriedly took her back to bed and fell asleep with her. I woke in the middle of the night and thought I would go take a peek into the lounge at all her presents laid out but to my surprise they were all still in black bags I was really annoyed nobody had unpacked them as she at an age where Santa comes and leaves all her presents out he doesn’t leave them at the side of the table in black bags Christmas is supposed to be magical for 3 year olds it’s the lovely surprise of getting up in the morning to see Santa has left you lovely gifts!! Anyway later on in the morning when I got a private moment with my husband I asked him why he never unpacked the gifts his reaction was one of anger he took it really personal saying I was bringing him down, looking for fault purposely trying to cause an argument etc etc it became really quite heated and I got quite upset his mother got involved siding with him and I just wished I hadn’t opened my mouth but it was merely a question I did not expect it to escalate to what it did. I ended up feeling so upset and uncomfortable I never went for Christmas dinner at another family members house and on Boxing Day the atmosphere was so bad I had to get a friend to come and pick me up.
I now feel utterly miserable was I really so unreasonable and such a dreadful person
I can’t believe something so trivial has caused so much crap

OP posts:
masterstef · 27/12/2018 18:27

I can't quite understand what you're trying to explain, mainly due to lack of punctuation (not trying to be arsy but it makes things clearer if you write in sentences) - were you sleeping over at your mil's or at your house?

MrsDrudge · 27/12/2018 18:27

Why didn’t you unpack them when you went downstairs later during the night?
YABU and sounds like you are in a childish strop.

Chocolate1984 · 27/12/2018 18:29

I’m with you. There were other adults there who knew the plan so why not show initiative and Just do it instead of expecting you.

masterstef · 27/12/2018 18:29

When you say 'nobody unpacked them' do you mean your husband or other family members? Was it just you and your husband there?

Allthewaves · 27/12/2018 18:29

If u were that bothered why didn't u unpack them when u came down to check?

NotAnotherUserName5 · 27/12/2018 18:30

If you came down in the night,surely you unpacked them and laid them out? Confused

Maybe you could of reminded DH to do it when you went to bed.

I don’t see why you had to bring it up on Christmas Day.

Is there a back story? It seems like he got pretty mad over you bringing it up.

Original poster
Instamummy123 · 27/12/2018 18:32

Apologies for lack of punctuation.
Yes I absolutely unpacked them when I got up in middle of the night.
There were 3 other adults in the house one of them being my husband.

OP posts:
keenkaren · 27/12/2018 18:33

he doesn’t leave them at the side of the table in black bags

Given he's not real there's no defined way that he leaves gifts unless you invented one in your own head. The gifts were there, big deal if you have to explain to your kid he dropped them off in black bags as he was in a hurry this year. So easy to explain away.

Celebelly · 27/12/2018 18:33

I don't really understand why it escalated like that. It is really very trivial. Tbh it probably wouldn't have occurred to my DP to do it unless I asked him to –not out of spite or purposefully, but just because it's not something that would occur to him as his Christmases as a child were different to mine, so some of the traditions I have aren't anything he's familiar with.

For it to ruin two days of celebrations seems bizarre and unnecessary. How did it go from you asking, presumably nicely enough, to his mother getting involved?!

KarmaStar · 27/12/2018 18:33

Which part of all this ,op,are you asking if you are being unreasonable about?

LongWalkShortPlank · 27/12/2018 18:33

Obviously she did, but if she hadn't woken up during the night noone would have unpacked them, and there were many adults able to do so awake and went to bed leaving them like that. I do think they were being unreasonable, but maybe it just didn't occur to them and that's why he was so defensive. Sounds like it's one of those storm in a teacup moments.

NotAnotherUserName5 · 27/12/2018 18:34

Maybe it was an oversight? Everyone else thinking someone else was going to do it?

Returnofthesmileybar · 27/12/2018 18:34

He should have unpacked them yes but it got done, I assume, your dd was happy etc etc. The further reaction from both of you is ridiculous! You no showed for dinner at another family members house and then left early? Madness

SpotlessMind · 27/12/2018 18:34

It sounds like you and your husband have different expectations about what Christmas morning should look like - what was obvious to you (that the presents should be taken from the bags) was not to him - ultimately it doesn’t matter though, your daughter got the presents and that is probably how he thinks about it.

That it blew up into an argument suggests that there is some underlying issue going on (maybe he feels you pick fault frequently or that you don’t speak to him nicely or something - not saying either of these are true, or that he would be reasonable to be annoyed by the way, just throwing them out as possible reasons it escalated).

ISdads · 27/12/2018 18:35

Before people start picking on 'why didn't you do it' '.. that's not your issue, is it?

Sounds like your husband massively.over reacted, and mil should never have got involved. Is he often like that? Xmas stress? Or a pattern of behaviour?

TeeBee · 27/12/2018 18:35

OP, this is the story of my bloody life. If I don't do what needs doing, nothing gets fucking done. Got rid of one husband partly due to this. Drives me bloody mad that another adult can't see what needs doing and does it without needing a bloody instruction manual.

Returnofthesmileybar · 27/12/2018 18:36

It's definitely not the responsibility of the other two adults in the house that's for sure. To be honest I get the feeling that if he had unpacked them and laid them all out that you would have said he should have woken you to help and do it together

NotAnotherUserName5 · 27/12/2018 18:39

I ended up feeling so upset and uncomfortable I never went for Christmas dinner at another family members house and on Boxing Day the atmosphere was so bad I had to get a friend to come and pick me up.

This is the bit I’d be more concerned about, over the actual present issue. You left, what about your child? It all sounds OTT and such a shame the day was spoilt. I’d say this would spoilt Christmas more than presents in a bin bag.

Chamomileteaplease · 27/12/2018 18:39

I understand your thinking OP. Did the unpacking of the bags just not occur to your dh as he is used to you doing everything?

Is he usually so defensive? I wonder why he couldnt' have said sorry and why he had to make such a fuss about it? Do you really think that he thinks black bags would be ok for your daughter to find? Or is he unable to admit it when he is in the wrong?

Is he normally such a argumentative sod?

toucan12 · 27/12/2018 18:40

I think YABU to have caused such a fuss and got a friend to pick you up.

YANBU to expect your DH to think to unpack the bags, but YABU for solely blaming him for this - you also forgot and fell asleep so I can see why he would be annoyed if you tried to blame him without also acknowledging that you too went to bed without doing it.

theymademejoin · 27/12/2018 18:40

I think this is a perfect example of wife work. The child has two parents. Why should the op have to take responsibility for ensuring the presents are taken out of the bag? She fell asleep. The child's father should have checked everything was sorted before going to bed, rather than assuming it was op's responsibility. Presumably, if the situation had been reversed and the father had fallen asleep, the mother would have looked after the presents?

Op - you were definitely not unreasonable to expect you dp to sort out the presents. I'm not sure about the rest of it as it's not clear whether you were over reacting by not going for lunch or by getting a friend to collect you. It sounds a bit OTT though.

Wearywithteens · 27/12/2018 18:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Original poster
Instamummy123 · 27/12/2018 18:42

Yes I was perhaps hoping another adult would have done it but as many of you have said, I done it so it got done.
It’s the massive overreaction from my husband that is most upsetting, I don’t understand how he can interpret a question into a personal attack on him. It’s left me feeling really devastated

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 27/12/2018 18:44

A massive strop about a non issue. You might like the presents all laid out beautifully but your three year old really doesn’t care and will be just as excited pulling presents from a black sack.
I’m not even sure why you needed to raise it again later. I can see why he might felt put down for no real reason.
Far more destructive and upsetting for the child is a mother who can’t get over herself and refuses to go for Christmas lunch. Just plain rude to whoever was cooking. Unpleasant for the child too. You then carried it over to Boxing Day. It sounds very immature if you and very selfish towards your child. You wanted a ‘magical p’ Christmas with all the present so piled up but ended up destroying it because a few wrapped gifts were in your mind more important than reasonable behaviour.

BottleOfJameson · 27/12/2018 18:46

I don't think OP was being unreasonable at all. It's just common sense to unpack the gifts not leave them in black bin liners. Fair enough if her DH just didn't think of it but why get so offended when she asked politely? It was also unfair of MiL to stick her nose in. Sorry the atmosphere was so bad OP sounds horrible for you. Flowers.

Swipe left for the next trending thread