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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving Christmas presents in black bags

192 replies

Instamummy123 · 27/12/2018 18:23

Just wanted some people’s opinions.
My husband my daughter and myself all go to my MIL house for Christmas Eve which is a 3 hour drive away. Anyway we had a lovely Christmas Eve loads of extended family etc, later on when everyone had left I took our 3 year old to bed who had already fallen asleep on the sofa then my husband and myself brought all her Christmas presents in from the car which were all packed in black bags we sat them in the lounge but did not unpack them plan was to do it before we went to bed. Our daughter woke up and came walking along the hallway towards the lounge so I hurriedly took her back to bed and fell asleep with her. I woke in the middle of the night and thought I would go take a peek into the lounge at all her presents laid out but to my surprise they were all still in black bags I was really annoyed nobody had unpacked them as she at an age where Santa comes and leaves all her presents out he doesn’t leave them at the side of the table in black bags Christmas is supposed to be magical for 3 year olds it’s the lovely surprise of getting up in the morning to see Santa has left you lovely gifts!! Anyway later on in the morning when I got a private moment with my husband I asked him why he never unpacked the gifts his reaction was one of anger he took it really personal saying I was bringing him down, looking for fault purposely trying to cause an argument etc etc it became really quite heated and I got quite upset his mother got involved siding with him and I just wished I hadn’t opened my mouth but it was merely a question I did not expect it to escalate to what it did. I ended up feeling so upset and uncomfortable I never went for Christmas dinner at another family members house and on Boxing Day the atmosphere was so bad I had to get a friend to come and pick me up.
I now feel utterly miserable was I really so unreasonable and such a dreadful person
I can’t believe something so trivial has caused so much crap

OP posts:

Schmoobarb · 29/12/2018 08:47

Even if that’s your opinion PurpleFlowers (although who ever heard of Santa leaving presents in black bags?) there was no need for the husband to react in the way he did to the OP to a perfectly reasonable question. I’d have said the same to my husband. No it’s not a big deal per se of course but it’s fucking annoying when someone who is supposed to be an adult and equally as capable as you doesn’t see things in front of their face and deal with them but is happy to leave it to his wife.

Your suggestion that the OP should hold her tongue from questioning her husband to avoid conflict is ridiculous. He caused the conflict, not her. He could have given a civil answer and said he didn’t think, forgot, whatever, and it would all have immediately moved on. As it would if I had said this to my husband because he’s not a controlling arsehole.

PurpleFlower1983 · 29/12/2018 08:54

Something just doesn’t sit right with me, the fact that she was ‘really annoyed’ suggests to me that she did not approach it in a calm manner in the first instance which is why the husband reacted like he did. The subsequent drip feed of course paints a better picture for the OP and makes the husband look like a dick. Fair enough if it’s all true but it just screams of a situation that could have been avoided to me. I feel for the little girl.

PurpleFlower1983 · 29/12/2018 08:55

And no, wakemewhenitsallover, I don’t believe men shouting at women is ok in the same way I don’t believe women shouting at men is ok.

Schmoobarb · 29/12/2018 08:58

I’d have been “really annoyed” as well if I’d had to unpack the presents in the middle of the night when he could have taken his head out of his arse and done it before he came to bed. OP also said that she only spoke to him privately later in the morning it’s not like she woke him up or had a go at him in front of everyone.

Nanny0gg · 29/12/2018 08:59

@MrsFassy

The lack of comprehension on this thread is astounding

No it's not. It's par for the course these days.

And can people imagine the scene if shed tried to take her rd home?

When does he go away again, OP?

PurpleFlower1983 · 29/12/2018 09:00

Fair enough.

I hope things are calmer for you today OP and you have a happier new year together as a family.

SpikyHedgehogg · 29/12/2018 09:32

I really feel for you OP I can't imagine what a time you've had the last few days on your own, and not with your daughter over Christmas.

I think in couples we make mistakes, we get irritable, we get snappy... but then we make up. I can't imagine how a little thing got blown up in to a situation where you are on your own over Christmas and your husband hasn't missed you and wanted to make up with you.

DameSquashalot · 29/12/2018 09:57

I hope things are better now OP. You shouldn't have to stay quiet because of how he may react.

ElevenSmiles · 29/12/2018 14:27

Imissgmichael.......I'm nasty nasty you say WHY ? is it because I don't buy what OP is saying and I don't buy what others are implying, her husband is some kind of monster. Well you got my post removed in my eyes that makes you a KH.................Schmoobarb thanks for reposting my lines....I may fuck off who knows....ya little KH.

Original poster

Instamummy123 · 29/12/2018 15:43

Hello everyone today is a better day I’m pleased to say.My husband and daughter got home late afternoon/early evening yesterday and it was so nice to have them home. My husband did actually apologise and made me a really nice meal last night so I’m just glad that it’s finished with now. I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to respond to me, both good and bad it’s greatly appreciated

OP posts:

BlueJag · 29/12/2018 16:16

Great news. To a bright and happy New Year 🥳

Sweetpea55 · 29/12/2018 16:23

Out of interest..what did they say when you refused to go for christmas lunch with them ,,what did you eat instead and did your dd go?
I can imagine you were the topic of conversation at the dinner table,,

Original poster

Instamummy123 · 29/12/2018 16:37

Sweetpea55
They were not happy at all that I refused to go to Christmas dinner with them, and yes my daughter did go with them.
As I am vegetarian I had already prepared (in part) the main part of my meal so I did have that.
Undoubtedly I would have been topic of conversation at the dinner table

OP posts:

AutumnCrow · 29/12/2018 17:26

I'm glad he apologised. He should never have got this mother involved, shouting at you with him, from the same doorway. Dreadful behaviour from them.

CottonSock · 29/12/2018 17:40

I'm so pleased for you. It all sounded so horrible

BackforGood · 29/12/2018 21:55

Excellent post by onlyjoinedforthisthread

Glad you feel happier today OP.

Sweetpea55 · 31/12/2018 14:48

Im glad that things are a bit more sorted for you OP. Hope your feeling better today,

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