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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving Christmas presents in black bags

192 replies

Instamummy123 · 27/12/2018 18:23

Just wanted some people’s opinions.
My husband my daughter and myself all go to my MIL house for Christmas Eve which is a 3 hour drive away. Anyway we had a lovely Christmas Eve loads of extended family etc, later on when everyone had left I took our 3 year old to bed who had already fallen asleep on the sofa then my husband and myself brought all her Christmas presents in from the car which were all packed in black bags we sat them in the lounge but did not unpack them plan was to do it before we went to bed. Our daughter woke up and came walking along the hallway towards the lounge so I hurriedly took her back to bed and fell asleep with her. I woke in the middle of the night and thought I would go take a peek into the lounge at all her presents laid out but to my surprise they were all still in black bags I was really annoyed nobody had unpacked them as she at an age where Santa comes and leaves all her presents out he doesn’t leave them at the side of the table in black bags Christmas is supposed to be magical for 3 year olds it’s the lovely surprise of getting up in the morning to see Santa has left you lovely gifts!! Anyway later on in the morning when I got a private moment with my husband I asked him why he never unpacked the gifts his reaction was one of anger he took it really personal saying I was bringing him down, looking for fault purposely trying to cause an argument etc etc it became really quite heated and I got quite upset his mother got involved siding with him and I just wished I hadn’t opened my mouth but it was merely a question I did not expect it to escalate to what it did. I ended up feeling so upset and uncomfortable I never went for Christmas dinner at another family members house and on Boxing Day the atmosphere was so bad I had to get a friend to come and pick me up.
I now feel utterly miserable was I really so unreasonable and such a dreadful person
I can’t believe something so trivial has caused so much crap

OP posts:

DiaryofWimpyMum · 28/12/2018 17:46

I'm sorry your Christmas was ruined by this I don't think you were being unreasonable at all. I hope the argument isn't continued when he gets home.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 28/12/2018 18:48

So basically it's his way or he emotionally abuses you until you shut up.

He's not a good man.

He's a weak man, frankly, if he can't cope with you as an equal.

AcrossthePond55 · 28/12/2018 19:10

I feel for you! I well remember that sinking feeling knowing my ex was on his way home and 'whatever it was ' was sure to be rehashed in a unpleasant and very loud way!!

Notice I say my EX. I think you need to make 2019 your year of change. What shape that change takes is up to you.

Angelf1sh · 28/12/2018 20:31

I think the strop you threw for the rest of the Christmas period would have upset your DD far more than finding her presents in a bin bag would have. Especially as Father Christmas absolutely does deliver presents in sacks.

It was never your ILs responsibility to put the presents out so yabu for expecting them to do this. If you’d agreed ahead of time with your DP that the bags should be unpacked, then yanbu for having asked why your DP hadn’t done it. If you hadn’t previously discussed it then yabu about the whole thing.

Imissgmichael · 28/12/2018 20:52

Angel have you read the thread?

The OPs husband was abusive as was her MIL all because she asked her so called DH why he hadn’t put them out. Should the OP not query anything with her DH and when he shouts at her meekly stand there and not be upset? I don’t call being upset about abuse and getting away from the situation having a strop. I think a child, especially a female one, witnessing mum being bullied and taking it more damaging then mum going home.

Oh and no, Santa doesn’t leave presents in black bin bags.

brizzledrizzle · 28/12/2018 20:55

It's down to you and your husband to do it and not anybody else.

Imissgmichael · 28/12/2018 21:12

Brizzle the OP finished up doing it and was shouted at by DH when she queried him as to why he left them in dustbin bags. Do you think the OP deserved to be shouted at by DH and MIL?

lily2403 · 28/12/2018 21:53

You left your dd, hell would have froze over before that happened.

He was an ass for shouting at you. I would have told mil to mind her own business and sat at the table with my dd

Imissgmichael · 28/12/2018 22:01

She didn’t abandon her DD to wolves did she. DD was with her DF.

madmum5811 · 28/12/2018 22:20

My parents would behave like this at Christmas and other family events. My Mother would flounce off. Those experiences never leave you. I feel sorry for that child.

arranbubonicplague · 28/12/2018 22:25

I hope that this has all resolved well for you, OP! And that you had a lovely reunion with your DD.

Best wishes for a reconciliation with your DH.

Imissgmichael · 28/12/2018 22:37

I feel sorry for your mum madmum if you think walking away from abuse is flouncing off.

OP you really need to think about leaving. Do you want your daughter to be indoctrinated to believe women should put up with this shit and being upset about verbal abuse is flouncing. Set your bar higher for you and your daughter.

ElevenSmiles · 28/12/2018 23:13

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Imissgmichael · 29/12/2018 00:20

Iv reported your post Eleven. Nasty, nasty women daring to question a women. What on earths wrong with you.

Imissgmichael · 29/12/2018 00:21

I meant questioning a man.

Schmoobarb · 29/12/2018 00:51

After 15 years OP would know how to press his buttons......He might be fed up of his passive aggressive wife.

Oh, fuck off.

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 29/12/2018 07:56

Having read the full thread all I see is projection from a lot of posters.
The OP asked why the presents weren't taken out of the bag, he got defensive started shouting, hIs mother came to find out what happened, took his side, OP was hurt and upset at their abuse so didnt go to dinner and the atmosphere got worse over the next 24 hours because of husbands increasing anger so she went home to protect herself and defuse the situation.

Husband went to car to get the presents, wife fell asleep upstairs with child, others went to bed, wife woke in night, presents weren't how she liked them whicjh made her annoyed so set them all out in her way, in the morning, still annoyed OP complained at husband that he hadnt done it her way, he got defensive, both argued and his mother came in to see what was going on, instead of all apologising and moving on for sake of the daughter OP refused to go out for dinner causing further embarrassment and hurt for family and daughter , when family get back they are still upset and angry. OP and husband don't take chance to discuss and make up when they have opportunity at night so OP decides to phone for lift home.

OP is used to having own way at home as husband works away, husband didn't do it now she wanted, she then had a go at him and he defended himself, his mother agreed with him, OP refused to go to family dinner as she hadn't got her own way, everyone else went so she was left on her own sulking, when the others for homethey didn't fuss her, everyone ignored her sulking, she was still sulking next day, no one took any notice so she phoned a friend so she could get a lift home expecting people to react but they just let her go in a strip and enjoy their Christmas.

With the very edited and one-sided story it impossible to know what has happened, but one thing is for sure your daughter is the one who has lost out and is the one who wasn't considered here. You both need to sort it out before it happens again

PurpleFlower1983 · 29/12/2018 08:17

You should have kept your mouth shut as the situation had been resolved. You could have always mentioned it casually a few days later when you were alone to avoid conflict,

PurpleFlower1983 · 29/12/2018 08:19

You have brought this on yourself but I’m not surprised you’re still upset after ruining your own Christmas!

MyOtherProfile · 29/12/2018 08:29

How are you OP? Did they get back ok?

Schmoobarb · 29/12/2018 08:35

You should have kept your mouth shut as the situation had been resolved. You could have always mentioned it casually a few days later when you were alone to avoid conflict,

Yes, that’s right OP. You just stay quiet like a good little wifey. It’s all your fault for not knowing your place.

wakemewhenitsallover · 29/12/2018 08:37

Instamummy I'm truly shocked by the responses from people on tbis thread.

You have done nothing wrong.

I know AIBU is full of small minded aresholes who like having a go at people for their own entertainment, but this thread is the pits. I pity them and their sad lives tbh. I can't imagine how a person ends up with that mentally.

Please, please ignore the people saying you were at fault. It's completely obvious from your OP and subsequent posts that the problem is your DH can't handle being challenged and treated you terribly.

Well done for standing up for yourself.

Please consider reposting this in Relationships, you'll get a better response from more posters who want to support you in a difficult situation, not petty people having a go.

PurpleFlower1983 · 29/12/2018 08:39

Yes, that’s right OP. You just stay quiet like a good little wifey. It’s all your fault for not knowing your place.

Rubbish! Unless it had been discussed as to how Santa would have laid out the presents, there’s no reason they couldn’t have been left in the sacks. Santa has a sack after all! I don’t see why it needed to be brought up at all. Not everything is a feminist issue and some things don’t need to be said!

PurpleFlower1983 · 29/12/2018 08:40

The subsequent posts make the husband seem much more unreasonable - I wonder why?!

wakemewhenitsallover · 29/12/2018 08:42

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