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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving Christmas presents in black bags

192 replies

Instamummy123 · 27/12/2018 18:23

Just wanted some people’s opinions.
My husband my daughter and myself all go to my MIL house for Christmas Eve which is a 3 hour drive away. Anyway we had a lovely Christmas Eve loads of extended family etc, later on when everyone had left I took our 3 year old to bed who had already fallen asleep on the sofa then my husband and myself brought all her Christmas presents in from the car which were all packed in black bags we sat them in the lounge but did not unpack them plan was to do it before we went to bed. Our daughter woke up and came walking along the hallway towards the lounge so I hurriedly took her back to bed and fell asleep with her. I woke in the middle of the night and thought I would go take a peek into the lounge at all her presents laid out but to my surprise they were all still in black bags I was really annoyed nobody had unpacked them as she at an age where Santa comes and leaves all her presents out he doesn’t leave them at the side of the table in black bags Christmas is supposed to be magical for 3 year olds it’s the lovely surprise of getting up in the morning to see Santa has left you lovely gifts!! Anyway later on in the morning when I got a private moment with my husband I asked him why he never unpacked the gifts his reaction was one of anger he took it really personal saying I was bringing him down, looking for fault purposely trying to cause an argument etc etc it became really quite heated and I got quite upset his mother got involved siding with him and I just wished I hadn’t opened my mouth but it was merely a question I did not expect it to escalate to what it did. I ended up feeling so upset and uncomfortable I never went for Christmas dinner at another family members house and on Boxing Day the atmosphere was so bad I had to get a friend to come and pick me up.
I now feel utterly miserable was I really so unreasonable and such a dreadful person
I can’t believe something so trivial has caused so much crap

OP posts:
AWishForWingsThatWork · 27/12/2018 19:11

I get it, OP.

Spending Christmas at the inlaws who you're not close to is probably already stressful, but then to be stuck on child duty (you put her to bed, you put her back to bed and stayed with her to keep her there), only to (luckily) wake up in the middle of the night to find out that none of the other adults could even be arsed to sort out the presents before they went to bed. Had a pleasant evening socialising, did they, while waiting for you to sort it out after you sorted out the little one?

Fun times.

Your DH over-reacted, and you were not unreasonable to be cross.

Missingstreetlife · 27/12/2018 19:12

Had he been drinking or he just a twit? Xmas is a nightmare, too many expectations

Vehivle · 27/12/2018 19:12

Lol sorry typing on my phone so I can see I parroted myself a bit there! Apols! And yes as pp said - I doubt you will get an apology - but you do deserve an apology from your Mil especially. She sounds a nosy cow.

UserName31456789 · 27/12/2018 19:13

Bloody hell OP is clearly NBU. You must have horrible home lives if you can't say to your other half "hey why didn't you do XYZ?" without getting shouted at and treated horribly by the extended family for the whole of Xmas. Glad I don't have a marriage like that. OP YADNBU people obviously haven't read the OP properly. If my DH shouted at me at Mil's house and she got involved I'd be very very upset.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 27/12/2018 19:14

I don't think any of you covered yourselves in glory here. DH ridiculously over reacted to a reasonable question, your Mil shouldn't have got involved unless to try and calm the waters a little and you not going for Christmas dinner certainly can't have helped the atmosphere.

Sorry, I get that he was a dick but I think when you're staying in someone else's home and were due to be guests at another relatives Christmas dinner then opting out because you're "too upset" might well be seen as a bit dramatic and makes a couples argument into an unavoidable thing for everyone else. It doesn't seem like any of you tried to de-escalate.

Chapterandverse · 27/12/2018 19:14

Those who are saying the OP "fucked up" how did she???

She's not the child's only parent. If I were in a strangers house and realised they'd fallen asleep before laying out the santa gifts, i'd do it for them!!

In this case the OP was in her in-laws house. And neither mil or her dh laid out the gifts. It's common sense!!!!

If they thought OP should have done it then they could have taken the child to bed or wakened OP and asked what the plan was.

There must be more to this, but OP I can see why you asked him why he didn't set out the toys.

MaybeMaybeNotJ · 27/12/2018 19:14

Well everyone is being extremely judgmental on this thread.

I completely understand where you’re coming from. This same scenario is highly likely to happen in my house, but my husband would say “oops sorry I should have done that” not have a massive go at me and keep up the attitude over Christmas.

The issue seems to be a bit bigger, how your husband speaks to you. If he speaks to you like this on other occasions I would say there are issues that need addressing?

Hope you’re ok now?

GabsAlot · 27/12/2018 19:15

soundslike this is more than what just happened with the presents

is he always so defensive-i dont know if i wold have missed dinner for the sake of your dd though

Cheeeeislifenow · 27/12/2018 19:15

Are people reading a different Post? She asked him a simple question!?
He could have said.."whoop's I forgot" instead he completely list the plot and yelled at her and so did her mil!
How in God's name is op bu?

Touchmybum · 27/12/2018 19:15

Make sure you don't spend another christmas with the interfering witch! And that your 'H' understands that he doesn't get to speak to you like that.

Rachelle3211 · 27/12/2018 19:16

But what is the point of the question? Asking someone why they didn''t do something Christmas morning? Who cares? It wasn't a big deal and the only thing it accomplishes is pointing out to dh he forgot to do something. To make him feel bad. Maybe my marriage is different but I just don't see the point in this. I would just do it and get on with things. I don't need to know "why" my dh forgot.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 27/12/2018 19:22

Not EVERYONE is being judgemental. Is he a mummy's boy OP? I suspect he raised his voice so she could here, knowing she would join in and intefere.

3out · 27/12/2018 19:23

Christmas time, much like after a death in the family, is an extremely stressful time. People completely overreact, and everyone is hypersensitive.

Perhaps the way you worded the question has been misconstrued as a massive dig by your DH. Personally, I wouldn’t have bothered asking him. It was done, he didn’t unpack the sack, you can’t turn back time, there was no malicious intent by his lack of unpacking (presumably).

Things that are important to some people aren’t important at all to others. This doesn’t mean they didn’t think or didn’t do something deliberately.

He shouldn’t have shouted. Your MiL shouldn’t have got involved. You perhaps could have reacted differently too.

Next year, just have Christmas in your own home together. Far less stressful, and you can set up the magic in a far more manageable way. It’ll be fab :)

Original poster
Instamummy123 · 27/12/2018 19:23

My issue is with his reaction but I obviously had to explain what happened beforehand ie: not putting the presents out to show how outrageous his response was to such a trivial thing.
I’m not having a strop about him not doing it (slightly disappointed yes) but definitely did not want Christmas to turn so horrible
Why can’t I ask him what I thought was a simple question without him shouting at me, was I wrong to ask, and if so is it then a receipt for him and his mother to treat me like crap?
Perhaps I should have just said nothing

OP posts:
3out · 27/12/2018 19:24

Ah, Rachelle said it much better than me!

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 27/12/2018 19:24

God, anyone past the age of 12 saying that I was just "bringing him down" when I had simply asked why he hadn't done something would get short shrift from me. Is his name Kevin? He sounds very reactive, I mean he could have just said sorry I forgot, or I didn't think it mattered and that should have been the end of it. His mother should have kept her beak out of it, you never get involved in arguments between couples. Just be grateful he is away working so much if he always responds to questions like that.

3out · 27/12/2018 19:25

I agree you should have said nothing. It wasn’t worth the fallout

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 27/12/2018 19:26

Last time! Is he a mummy's boy? I promise, this is relevant.

ISdads · 27/12/2018 19:27

Yes op. Just don't ever say anything. After all, you never know when he will choose to massively over react and also get his family to shout at you. It's just not worth the fallout Confused

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 27/12/2018 19:27

Absolute nonsense! All the child will be interested in is the presents, not whether they are wrapped in a black bag or wrapping paper. Maybe Father Christmas didn't have time to wrap everything nicely this year! If OP wants to create such a contrived scenario, then she cannot expect other adults to carry it out if she is not there herself!

greenpop21 · 27/12/2018 19:27

If this happened to me, I'd do what you did and unpack them. I'd probably say to my DH that I did it and he'd say "Oh yeah I forgot, thanks." then we would forget about it.

NotAnotherUserName5 · 27/12/2018 19:28

Rachelle3211-agree. There was no need to bring it up, as no harm done. Can’t believe it was still On your mind on Christmas Day! It seems to me like both of you forgot.

Why couldn’t it be laughed off? Confused

His reaction was OTT too-I suspect there is more going on with you two,given how this played out.

Tistheseason17 · 27/12/2018 19:29

How very weird.
You expect someone else to unpack items that you brought to someone else's house.

I can see the MIL writing on here about the time she unpacked presents a family guest had brought and everyone jumping on her for getting involved in other people's property!

Wasn't this just a simple breakdown in communication between you and your DH?

steff13 · 27/12/2018 19:30
  • Your husband should have done it.
  • It wasn't necessary for you to have a quiet word or any other kind of word about it, because it wasn't really a big deal. It was done and should have just been forgotten.
  • Your husband shouldn't have reacted the way he did.
Cheeeeislifenow · 27/12/2018 19:31

Absolute nonsense! All the child will be interested in is the presents, not whether they are wrapped in a black bag or wrapping paper. Maybe Father Christmas didn't have time to wrap everything nicely this year! If OP wants to create such a contrived scenario, then she cannot expect other adults to carry it out if she is not there herself!

It's not decorating the house like Santa's grotto, it's taking presents out of a. Bag and laying them out. Ffs

Fair enough he forgot, he could have just said that but instead yelled at his wife for daring to ask him, why didn't he do it.