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Original poster

I am finding my DS difficult

194 replies

Doggydoggydoggy · 27/12/2018 14:37

To the point where me and my DH don’t want to spend much time with him due to his horrible attitude.

It is causing immense tension between my DH and me and I am getting more and more depressed for feeling this way and not knowing what to do.

He is almost 10 and OBSESSED with the PlayStation.
When I say obsessed I mean that he won’t eat or drink or get dressed or brush teeth or anything when on it.
You can talk to him but he doesn’t take on anything you say, for example, you can ask him to turn it off and take the plug out and he will respond with yes okay then turn off the PlayStation and leave without taking out the plug.
When questioned you get ‘I forgot’ or ‘I didn’t hear you’

He is super insanely reactive, he will get incredibly angry or incredibly emotional screaming and crying over absolutely nothing!
Like the internet going down for a second or today when I didn’t want to tell him what his birthday surprise is because then it wouldn’t be a surprise.

PlayStation is all he talks about, the only thing he wants for gifts, when not on PlayStation he wants to watch videos of other people playing PlayStation.

He doesn’t want to try any sports, try any hobbies, he doesn’t want to read, or go for walks or go for days out or visit relatives.
Just game.

Christmas Eve was a turning point when he went to see his grandparents and spent the whole time complaining about bored he was, he wanted to go home, how much longer he has to stay.
He even asked my mil how long he had to stay tomorrow after receiving his presents!!

We have drastically reduced his game time as a result cue lots of crying, your so horrible, I hate you etc.

The time he isn’t on PlayStation He isn’t enjoyable.
He spends the whole entire time arguing with his sister and arguing with us, doing stupid fortnite dances, calling us stupid, telling us to shut up.
Any little thing he has to disagree with.
He nags relentlessly, constantly demanding to know the time so he knows how long he has until PlayStation.
Anything, he will not take no for an answer!
Or today, constantly insisting to know what his birthday surprise was despite me repeatedly saying it was a surprise, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.
Then crying because he doesn’t like surprises apparently.

Me and DH have now had a massive row because of it because he said (to DS) that he would rather he just stay on his PlayStation all day because his behaviour is so unpleasant that he doesn’t want to spend any time with him.
That he isn’t having the surprise anymore, he can just have what he wants instead - more PlayStation vouchers.
And that he won’t even bother asking him to go out on the walk to the woods tomorrow.

I am so fed up of this!

I wish I had never bought the cunting bastard PlayStation.
I want to get rid of it completely but his attitude away from it is really seriously trying and he flat out refuses to do anything else. At all!

OP posts:
userschmoozer · 27/12/2018 14:40

that sounds awful and I cant see things improving without an intervention. I'd take it away from him, he isn't mature enough to manage it.

NotAnotherJaffaCake · 27/12/2018 14:40

Well, his behaviour isn't going to get any better as long as the PlayStation is in the house. Some kids can self regulate, yours clearly can't. And even though there's been a thread slagging off the phrase "parent your child" today - you need to step up and bin the PlayStation entirely. No, it won't be easy but it's the only way it will get better. You'll be doing him (and you) a favour in the long run.

Weightsandmeasures · 27/12/2018 14:43

Take the PlayStation away. He will be very angry but that will be short term pain for long term gain.

What measures did you have in place before to control the amount of time he spends on the PlayStation?

He is clearly addicted now and with any addiction, behaviour will become problematic.

Has his school expressed concerns with his academic attainment or his behaviour?

Cherries101 · 27/12/2018 14:44

You got a 10 yo a playstation and now from the sounds of things he has become addicted. Talk to your GP about how best to manage this. If this were me, the Play Station would be junked and I’d let DP deal with the aftermath.

Celebelly · 27/12/2018 14:44

Take it away. He'll be horrible at first, I'm sure, but he will hopefully start to engage with other things. Some kids just have more addictive personalities than others and can't self-regulate at all. It looks like he hasn't developed the ability to control himself with it and it's becoming an obsession, so I'd take it away until he's a bit older.

SparklyMagpie · 27/12/2018 14:44

I'd be getting rid of the bloody thing. He's 10 ! This is ridiculous

lastqueenofscotland · 27/12/2018 14:47

Yes to getting rid of it.

neverreadadverts · 27/12/2018 14:49

He sounds addicted. And deeply unhappy. These games are designed by clever adults to be utterly absorbing so not surprising that a young child has become obsessed by them.

Do you think it's bad enough that he need help? It sounds beyond normal. Sounds like he has wiped out the rest of his life for it.

Houseonahill · 27/12/2018 14:50

I agree I think the PlayStation needs to go. Not forever but maybe for a month or so. Sit your son down and have an honest conversation about why it is going and that he can have it back when you feel he has earned it by being pleasant to be around (don't give him a time frame just say when I feel you're ready) then reintroduce it slowly with strict rules about feline in attitude means it goes away again.

He will most likely cry and shout (for days) but try to avoid getting into a argument about, keep calm and give him the facts. My mum had to do this with my brother when he was about 13 and it did improve things when he realised playstation was a treat and not a right.

Escolar · 27/12/2018 14:51

Clear consequences for poor behaviour, OP. He loses time on the PlayStation every single time he behaves like this.

ladybee28 · 27/12/2018 14:51

In the bin.

Immediately.

No question.

Having it in the house is setting him up to fail – he'll be a total nightmare for a while, but he won't spontaneously combust.

Out. And have a rock-solid game plan between you and your DP for expectations, boundaries, consequences, celebrations and rewards (non-gaming related, obvs) for the weeks afterward.

GrandmaJane · 27/12/2018 14:54

Stop!
He doesn’t like surprises? Autistic people don’t. They get scared and upset by them. Tell him.
He has one special interest. Many autistic people do. Don’t deprive him of it. Sit him down and explain that the way he is behaving at the moment is creating problems for other people. Be ready with a child friendly list of three things you want him to do and reward those with ps time. So he might get 2 hours a day ps as standard but if he wants more he has to be polite, or tidy his room. After a month make those things standard, up his ps time if he wants that and introduce three new targets and rewards. Slowly, slowly, with lots of praise and reassurance that you love him.
I am not saying he is autistic. But I am. I would find the advice given by others to be unhelpful and likely to make things worse.

donkir · 27/12/2018 14:54

He's addicted. I'd be speaking to the gp about how best to deal with it. Most people do t go cold turkey when trying to wean off so I'm not sure how he'd cope with it being taken away just like that. You all need some professional help.

WombOfOnesOwn · 27/12/2018 14:56

You get rid of it, and any devices he might put the addiction onto instead (i.e. smartphone, handheld gaming device, etc.).

I always think it's amazing when it goes on this long without that already having happened. At the point when you got him the gaming system, it sounds like you didn't impose too many limits or help him to construct a structure to regulate himself. It was treated like an indulgence, and now he's gorging himself on it.

If you brought a one-ton slab of chocolate into the house and didn't talk ahead of time about how to have a sensible portion, it wouldn't be surprising if your child was fat and acted entitled to sweets by the end of the year. And at that point, there'd be no point at all in telling him how to eat just an ounce at a time...the chocolate would have to go away completely to form new and healthier habits.

This is the sort of thing where you really need to nip it in the bud, or it spirals out of control. The first time your child rejects toothbrushing or other normal activities because of the playstation, it goes away for a while. Child has a tantrum over the internet going down for a few minutes? Internet passwords all get changed and they can deal without it for a week.

The message for children needs to be: these are entertainment devices you're being allowed to have because they are supposed to be fun. If they are clearly making it so you're not having fun but your eyes are still glued to them, you need a break. If you're making the family not have fun because you're too glued to them, you need a break.

ThistleAmore · 27/12/2018 14:56

Take it away.

Yes, he'll be horrible for a week or so, as he's clearly addicted and will therefore genuinely be going through 'cold turkey'. Studies have proven that it's just as possible to become addicted to gaming as drugs/alcohol/gambling etc (it stimulates dopamine levels in the brain in the same way). This is clearly affecting your family life and cannot be allowed to continue.

What would you do if a family member was spending all their spare time smoking weed or going down the bookies?

Original poster
Doggydoggydoggy · 27/12/2018 14:57

Yes, school have been concerned.
He had been getting into fights with other boys and showing poor self control with anger/flaring up super quick.
we removed the PlayStation as punishment for a week and for a while he was much improved.

Then he started swearing in school.
We actually banned him from PlayStation completely for over a month as we were absolutely livid with his behaviour by this point.
Since then, he has been absolutely fine at school.

My plan, is to force him to do things in the new year while maintaining limited PlayStation time.
I am concerned that as literally all the other kids are on bastard fortnite removing him completely might put him at a social disadvantage?

I want to get him into the local rugby club because I think a group sport would be beneficial for him.
And for his birthday I have found an ‘experience day’ learning how to drive a car (age 8 plus) and lots of books and kits to build a car and a plane.
With just a few PlayStation vouchers.

But if his god awful attitude doesn’t change i will have to get rid of it.
I wish I never allowed it in the house

OP posts:
ShawshanksRedemption · 27/12/2018 14:57

Ask him what he wants to do when not on the PS and do that. If he doesn't want to walk in the woods then it's not something he will look forward to.

Is he gaming online with friends? That can feel like he will miss out if he's not on there with them. Could you take one of his friends out with you to do something?

When you visit parents/grandparents tell him how long you are going for (eg DS, we are going to be there from 2pm until 5pm) so it cuts down on the whingeing/asking when you'll be leaving. Doing Fortnite dances is what a LOT of kids his age do so that wouldn't bother me so much, but telling anyone they are stupid or to shut up would be an immediate sanction and an apology (that means for everyone in the family, even adults should apologise if they say it to the kids as you need to model good behaviour).

I would find the stupid

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 27/12/2018 14:57

Get rid of the playstation.

There will be a massive storm to.ride out but it will be worth it.

Seriously, he's 10 now and gaming has.already turned him.into.an arsehole........don't let things spiral until he's a teen and bigger than you. Some kids just cant cope with access to.gaming........sounds like your son is one of them.

HollowTalk · 27/12/2018 14:59

The OP hasn't said he's autistic.

What was he like before he had his PlayStation, OP? What were his interests then? Has he always been obsessive about things?

Confusedbeetle · 27/12/2018 15:00

I think you may need to find an expert behaviourist to help you get rid of this obsession

ThistleAmore · 27/12/2018 15:02

I wish people wouldn't use autistic as shorthand for 'being an arsehole'.

I have Asperger's and have always had special interests (bordering on the obsessive in some instances), but as a child, my needs were never allowed to exceed those of the greater good.

Being autistic is a (partial) explanation, not an excuse.

ShawshanksRedemption · 27/12/2018 15:02

"I would find the stupid" - have no idea why that's at the end of my post!

Original poster
Doggydoggydoggy · 27/12/2018 15:02

I am disgusted to say shawshanksRedemption I have asked multiple times what he would like to do instead.
There is literally nothing!
Nothing!
At all!

PlayStation, Nintendo switch, watching videos of people playing PlayStation.
That is it.

I am going to force him into stuff in the new year.
I am not looking forward to it.

OP posts:
posthistoricmonsters · 27/12/2018 15:04

It sounds like gaming addiction which the DSM-5(?) now recognises as a mental health condition.

Your first stop is to make a GPs appointment. Don't throw the PS out, follow the GP's advice. Hopefully they can refer your son to a specialist. Whether he may turn out to have autism or adhd (which has hyperfocus also) is something they can look at, but from your description it sounds like gaming addiction. It has led to stories in the papers about kids sitting and wetting themselves because they refuse to leave the gaming device to answer the call of nature.

Charles11 · 27/12/2018 15:04

Yes take it away.
Remove the play station and have some other activities in place. You can’t expect him to entertain himself yet so take him out for fresh air and exercise and have activities on the table for him.
Let him scribble out his frustrations on paper and bash out ideas on play doh.
Let him play in the garden if you have one. Give him a patch to dig up and a ball to kick at a wall.
Give him books like choose your own adventure ones to help try to get him back into reading. The Fighting Fantasy ones are popular for that age.
Be at hand for him pretty much constantly for a couple of days.

It’ll take him a few days to sort himself out but it’ll be worth it.