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Original poster

I am finding my DS difficult

194 replies

Doggydoggydoggy · 27/12/2018 14:37

To the point where me and my DH don’t want to spend much time with him due to his horrible attitude.

It is causing immense tension between my DH and me and I am getting more and more depressed for feeling this way and not knowing what to do.

He is almost 10 and OBSESSED with the PlayStation.
When I say obsessed I mean that he won’t eat or drink or get dressed or brush teeth or anything when on it.
You can talk to him but he doesn’t take on anything you say, for example, you can ask him to turn it off and take the plug out and he will respond with yes okay then turn off the PlayStation and leave without taking out the plug.
When questioned you get ‘I forgot’ or ‘I didn’t hear you’

He is super insanely reactive, he will get incredibly angry or incredibly emotional screaming and crying over absolutely nothing!
Like the internet going down for a second or today when I didn’t want to tell him what his birthday surprise is because then it wouldn’t be a surprise.

PlayStation is all he talks about, the only thing he wants for gifts, when not on PlayStation he wants to watch videos of other people playing PlayStation.

He doesn’t want to try any sports, try any hobbies, he doesn’t want to read, or go for walks or go for days out or visit relatives.
Just game.

Christmas Eve was a turning point when he went to see his grandparents and spent the whole time complaining about bored he was, he wanted to go home, how much longer he has to stay.
He even asked my mil how long he had to stay tomorrow after receiving his presents!!

We have drastically reduced his game time as a result cue lots of crying, your so horrible, I hate you etc.

The time he isn’t on PlayStation He isn’t enjoyable.
He spends the whole entire time arguing with his sister and arguing with us, doing stupid fortnite dances, calling us stupid, telling us to shut up.
Any little thing he has to disagree with.
He nags relentlessly, constantly demanding to know the time so he knows how long he has until PlayStation.
Anything, he will not take no for an answer!
Or today, constantly insisting to know what his birthday surprise was despite me repeatedly saying it was a surprise, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.
Then crying because he doesn’t like surprises apparently.

Me and DH have now had a massive row because of it because he said (to DS) that he would rather he just stay on his PlayStation all day because his behaviour is so unpleasant that he doesn’t want to spend any time with him.
That he isn’t having the surprise anymore, he can just have what he wants instead - more PlayStation vouchers.
And that he won’t even bother asking him to go out on the walk to the woods tomorrow.

I am so fed up of this!

I wish I had never bought the cunting bastard PlayStation.
I want to get rid of it completely but his attitude away from it is really seriously trying and he flat out refuses to do anything else. At all!

OP posts:
bluefolder · 27/12/2018 15:22

Don't throw the PS out, follow the GP's advice. Hopefully they can refer your son to a specialist

Grin

are you aware of the grim situation in NHS mental health advice? If there is a local service, which there probably isn't, the wait will be 6-12m. just get rid of the damn thing.

namechangeforthisobviously · 27/12/2018 15:23

He's 10! You bought him an incredibly addictive thing and expected him to be able to handle it. At 10! Would you have given him cocaine?

I just don't get why parents give their children these games.

marmaladecats · 27/12/2018 15:27

Can you think of the new year as a new chance to rescue him? Can you sit down with your DH and make up a list of good outdoorsy and indoor activities you can try together eg (sounds corny) but forest walks/kite making/den building. Indoors could be trying out new board games as a family, card games, cooking etc. Anything to tempt his interest. Personally I would tell him the PlayStation is broken and it won’t be replaced (hide it really well). When he’s 11 or12 and a bit more mature he could have it back. He’s still a young child so v sad he doesn’t like doing anything! But I understand how difficult it is.

Blatherskite · 27/12/2018 15:32

Fortnite has an age rating of 12 for a reason. It's not supposed to be played by 10 year olds!

My son gets snappy and rude when allowed too much Xbox time. If I were you, I'd be getting rid of it or at least severely reducing the time he is allowed on it.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 27/12/2018 15:34

(I wouldn’t necessarily get rid completely, but maybe remove to a trusted grandparents house? On the understanding that your son doesn’t know it could come back).

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 27/12/2018 15:34

*He's 10! You bought him an incredibly addictive thing and expected him to be able to handle it. At 10! Would you have given him cocaine?

I just don't get why parents give their children these games.*

Oh give over.

DelightfulCunt · 27/12/2018 15:38

He’s at a social disadvantage by behaving like this! Remove it now. You’re the parent, you’ve said his behavior improved in the time it was taken from him. Don’t make it more complex, just get rid immediately.

Billben · 27/12/2018 15:40

Any sensible person would have removed that Playstation from their home a long time ago🙄

Veganforlife · 27/12/2018 15:40

My child is 9. He has autism.he has the same issue s you describe
We are regularly seeing camhs for partly this reason
Camhs advice is not to remove the console
To set limits and stick to them.parents keeping calm.same time on and off each day..my son is similar to how you describe yours.
Term time is easier than holidays.happy to chat if you want to pm me x.good luck op.its very hard on the whole family .i do understand

ReanimatedSGB · 27/12/2018 15:40

Remember that it is OK to have one passion and that people do not have to spend their leisure time doing what other people think is appropriate. So stop, right now, demanding that he go for walks or play sports or any other things he has no interest in, just because you want him to be 'normal'. Normal is irrelevant.

You've already found that temporary confiscation or restriction of his playing time as a negotiating tool has had some success. Do more of that. Negotiate with him. He may be a child, but he is a person, not your property, and your opinion of his preferred leisure activity is completely irrelevant. Let him play/watch Youtube in all his free time rather than whining at him to do something else just because you think that's more 'appropriate'.

And don't listen to the morons telling you to ban it, or restrict him to 10 minutes a day. Screen panic is no more reasonable than the old panics about kids who liked reading books too much. It just leads to some fuckwit parents thinking that bullying their children is OK if it stops them playing those baaaaad computer games.

KateAdiesEarrings · 27/12/2018 15:41

You and DP need to be on the same page with all this. He's undermining you by saying DS can just stay on it all the time and that he won't get his birthday surprise. As parents you need to agree an approach and stick to it.
Some of the behaviours you're mentioning are normal but you're linking it all together and catastrophising it eg arguing with siblings, being emotional, doing dances.
I'd definitely limit the PS and make him try other activities. However, I'd also be having a chat to see if there is anything else going on eg was the bad behaviour in school just related to the PS or were there other issues? There's been a spate of low-level bullying behaviour around Fortnite in our school.

namechangeforthisobviously · 27/12/2018 15:45

why give over diana?

It is a game designed to be addictive. It hits the brain's dopamine centres in the same way that heroin/cocaine does. You only have to read the OP to see that her son is completely addicted, to the detriment of himself and those around him. I'm not medically minded enough to compare the physical/mental effects on health of cocaine addiction/ gaming addiction, but suspect that gaming addiction has some pretty huge detrimental affects on physical and mental health.

No way is my nine year old DS getting fortnite. He occasionally plays mario kart or football games on his dad's PS with his dad. He occasionally gets a shot at the family tablet. But there is NO WAY he would be having his own, or being expected to regulate his time . There is no way I would let him get addicted . Any more than I'd let him drink or take drugs.

Readysteadygoat · 27/12/2018 15:47

Sounds just like my 12yo. We removed Fortnite from his xbox and his behaviour improved considerably especially towards his younger brother.
That said he's still very trying, yesterday he embarrassed me no end by getting into a shouting match with both of my parents. He shows a complete lack of respect.

luckylavender · 27/12/2018 15:49

I'll get flamed for this I'm sure, but 9 is too young for a Playstation. Take it away.

PerverseConverse · 27/12/2018 15:50

Makes me wonder now if all the gaming at their dad's is making my DDs behaviour worse. They don't want to see him, they just can't wait to play minecraft it's all they do when there.

Readysteadygoat · 27/12/2018 15:51

namechange you have the advantage of having a younger child and being able to see the bad press Fortnite is receiving. For those of us with older kids who asked for it a year or more ago, there was no press only pestering kids saying "well so and so has it"

Mayhemmumma · 27/12/2018 15:53

You've just got to get rid of the computer games full stop.

I know it's easier to plonk him in front of a screen but this is not healthy.

Bool up tons of activtie

Mayhemmumma · 27/12/2018 15:56

Tons of activities for him I mean and make him go. He's 10, he can behave at school, he's capable.

Don't leave it until he's 14 and it's a total nightmare.

Sorry to say it but he needs parenting now before it gets worse (I'm saying this as a mum to a boy who I fear if I let him have a computer would go the same way)

ChelseaBabbage · 27/12/2018 15:58

Time limits and rationing will not work with this child. Maybe if you'd had them in place in the beginning but it's too late. What happens if you allow a limited time is that their entire life revolves around that time, looking forward to it, refusing to do anything else that might jeopardise it and being down when the "slot" is over for the day.

You took it away for a month and his behaviour improved. So you already know this will work but of course he will hate you for a while. Unfortunately it's your job as a parent to make them do stuff they don't want to whether that is going to bed, eating their greens or forgoing an activity which has caused a personality change.

bumbleymummy · 27/12/2018 15:58

‘So and so has it’ has never been a good enough argument imo. I agree with others - take it away or reduce it to a certain amount of time on weekend mornings. Time on it has to be earned with good behaviour during the week and if he kicks off it just gets taken away completely.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 27/12/2018 15:59

Give it to grandparents to look after for a year.

It’s cocaine. It’s addictive. It’s unfair on him to allow him to have it.

Weightsandmeasures · 27/12/2018 16:00

Luckylavender, I'm with you. My son is 7 and is constantly asking for Xbox, Nintendo Switch, or PlayStation. I said no. He thought he would ask Santa. I told him under no circumstances is Santa allowed to go against parents' wishes and that any presents Santa gives us always in consultation with parents.

I've told him he can have any one of these or all of it when her turns 18. He is allowed to play PlayStation, Xbox, and Nintendo Switch when he visits friends and relatives who have them.

He has an Ipad on which he plays games. His time on it is controlled. My hope is that his involvement in sport will eventually trump the desire to play these games. I'm hoping by him being engaged in other activities that are fun to him, he will develop a good balance.

I can see the allure for kids and so I very much sympathise with the OP because addiction isn't easy to get rid of once it has set in.

orangecushion · 27/12/2018 16:00

This child will possibly be at your shoulder now in terms of height?

Fast forward, he could be 6 foot and 13 stone in a couple of years time.

Its going to be easier to say no now.

pasanda · 27/12/2018 16:02

Ffs. He is 9 years old!

NINE!!

Taking the fecking thing away from him. Or at the very least, limit the time he has on it. It's really not rocket science.

If you don't, all the very best to you when he is 15yrs old.

Trust me, it will be a million times worse. And he will be expected to be working hard for GCSE's etc. at 15.

Except your son won't want to work hard at all, he'll be even more obsessed with it by then (if that's possible!)

Seriously, taking it away is so much easier when they're 9 than in the midst of adolescence.

EthelHornsby · 27/12/2018 16:07

These threads drive me mad! YOU are the parent, he is a child. YOU are in charge. The PlayStation is damaging your child, remove the PlayStation. Don’t ask him, tell him. He is not old enough to self-regulate, so he needs you to do it for him. Saying no is not child abuse!