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Original poster

I am finding my DS difficult

194 replies

Doggydoggydoggy · 27/12/2018 14:37

To the point where me and my DH don’t want to spend much time with him due to his horrible attitude.

It is causing immense tension between my DH and me and I am getting more and more depressed for feeling this way and not knowing what to do.

He is almost 10 and OBSESSED with the PlayStation.
When I say obsessed I mean that he won’t eat or drink or get dressed or brush teeth or anything when on it.
You can talk to him but he doesn’t take on anything you say, for example, you can ask him to turn it off and take the plug out and he will respond with yes okay then turn off the PlayStation and leave without taking out the plug.
When questioned you get ‘I forgot’ or ‘I didn’t hear you’

He is super insanely reactive, he will get incredibly angry or incredibly emotional screaming and crying over absolutely nothing!
Like the internet going down for a second or today when I didn’t want to tell him what his birthday surprise is because then it wouldn’t be a surprise.

PlayStation is all he talks about, the only thing he wants for gifts, when not on PlayStation he wants to watch videos of other people playing PlayStation.

He doesn’t want to try any sports, try any hobbies, he doesn’t want to read, or go for walks or go for days out or visit relatives.
Just game.

Christmas Eve was a turning point when he went to see his grandparents and spent the whole time complaining about bored he was, he wanted to go home, how much longer he has to stay.
He even asked my mil how long he had to stay tomorrow after receiving his presents!!

We have drastically reduced his game time as a result cue lots of crying, your so horrible, I hate you etc.

The time he isn’t on PlayStation He isn’t enjoyable.
He spends the whole entire time arguing with his sister and arguing with us, doing stupid fortnite dances, calling us stupid, telling us to shut up.
Any little thing he has to disagree with.
He nags relentlessly, constantly demanding to know the time so he knows how long he has until PlayStation.
Anything, he will not take no for an answer!
Or today, constantly insisting to know what his birthday surprise was despite me repeatedly saying it was a surprise, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.
Then crying because he doesn’t like surprises apparently.

Me and DH have now had a massive row because of it because he said (to DS) that he would rather he just stay on his PlayStation all day because his behaviour is so unpleasant that he doesn’t want to spend any time with him.
That he isn’t having the surprise anymore, he can just have what he wants instead - more PlayStation vouchers.
And that he won’t even bother asking him to go out on the walk to the woods tomorrow.

I am so fed up of this!

I wish I had never bought the cunting bastard PlayStation.
I want to get rid of it completely but his attitude away from it is really seriously trying and he flat out refuses to do anything else. At all!

OP posts:
Thewifipasswordis · 27/12/2018 20:26

A kid his age should NOT have a console at all.

Get shut. Now. And any other screens. Deal with 2 weeks of tantrums and then you'll have a more normal child again.

If you don't you are actively being a crappy parent. He cannot handle the console - remove it totally.

LegoandiPads · 27/12/2018 20:29

Some children do not cope with gaming well. He is one of them. DS1 was not allowed to game until he could show some self control (generally). He has to have it heavily restricted , which he understands and usually respects.

In the holidays the rules are:

no gaming/tv before 3:00 pm.

He must always ask before turning it on.

If we would like to do something as a family (board games or film) instead and he strops then it is banded indefinitely.

I wish I didn’t have to have these rules but I do. He is obsessive about things and gaming is particularly addictive.

If you don’t want to

LegoandiPads · 27/12/2018 20:33

Sorry one last thing.

We also discuss with him and read articles with him about how these things are designed to be addictive.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 27/12/2018 20:36

Get rid of the PlayStation.

He'll be moody for a while after, but will get over it and find other things to replace it.

Lizzie48 · 27/12/2018 20:39

It really does sound like he's addicted to playing this game and needs to go 'cold turkey'. Our DD1 (9) has an addictive personality; she doesn't have a PlayStation as yet, it's games on the iPad/you-tube. I think we'll be very careful about introducing PlayStations to our two girls.

It's possible there's autism involved as well, but I think there's a good chance that once you've weaned him away from the gaming that you'll find that his behaviour becomes much more manageable. (I think that if he was on the spectrum you would have seen a lot more evidence of this in his behaviour before this, is this a new thing?)

user1461609321 · 27/12/2018 20:59

Watching

ThatsWotSheSaid · 27/12/2018 21:10

I’d remove the play station for ‘a while’ then try to never give it back. Is he playing fortnite? Or is it any game that causes the behaviour?
If he does have autistic traits he may be even more susceptible to the negative effects of gaming. There is lots of research about the stress hormones and the sort term and long term effects.

Cheerbear23 · 27/12/2018 21:19

My DS is older than yours but still addicted to bloody fortnite. We ration his time in evenings and weekends, enforce a strict turn off time, and make him participate in sports and family walks / days out.
Your son sounds ‘deeper’ into it than mine though, I would consider removing for a month or 2 and seeing how he does.

nolongersurprised · 27/12/2018 21:33

“He is super insanely reactive, he will get incredibly angry or incredibly emotional screaming and crying over absolutely nothing!
Like the internet going down for a second or today when I didn’t want to tell him what his birthday surprise is because then it wouldn’t be a surprise.”

I work with a child psychologist who is concerned about the effect of gaming on some children. She says that, for some children, it affects their emotion regulation and the way the game is set up - with fast-paced rewards and dopamine hits - is highly addictive.

Kleinzeit · 27/12/2018 21:58

Could you please direct me to any research that cites trying to take control and constantly get what you want is a recognised symptom of autism?

No I couldn't, it's just what the clinical psychologist said.

strugglingatwork · 27/12/2018 22:10

I have an 8yo recently diagnosed with autism who is extremely similar to what you describe. He too was a very placid child before computers got involved. I have to parent him very differently now I know autism is there. It was always there but traditional methods of parenting don't work with autism and now I know what causes his behaviour it is much easier to manage. I also look through the checklist and thought he definitely wasn't based on him not ticking enough boxes but he was diagnosed.

orangecushion · 28/12/2018 09:38

No I couldn't, it's just what the clinical psychologist said

How odd.

FlashByReputation · 28/12/2018 11:02

I would be more worried about him being socially disadvantaged because he's horrible to people than because he can't play an online game. No PlayStation, no problem. Be the adult here.

Kleinzeit · 28/12/2018 11:55

How odd.

Not odd really once you know about anxiety, sensory problems, social boundary issues etc which are all associated with ASCs and can all lead to almighty control issues. Of course at the time I didn't know that either, I thought I was just grumbling at the assessment interview about DS's need to be in charge until the clinical psych said "ah, now you're giving me symptoms". And surely a very common one according to scads of other parents and partners of people with ASCs (especially the people who used to get Asperger's diagnoses) that I've talked to since then, read about, and commiserated with over the years because the control issues are not easy to deal with and can indeed turn the whole family's life upside down.

None of which means the OP's DS has an ASC, or that taking away / severely restricting the Playstation wont be a good first step. Well, getting her DH to join her in taking her DS out of himself (even if DS isn't too happy about it) is the first step of all. It's going to be hard to achieve anything while DH throws his toys out of pram like that.

orangecushion · 28/12/2018 13:33

Thanks for the information Klein.

ThatThingYouDo · 28/12/2018 13:44

Get rid of it. I don't understand why you still have it if his behaviour is that bad when he's using it!

safetyfreak · 28/12/2018 13:52

Omg get rid of the PlayStation for good. The only problem here are the boy parents!

Aftereights91 · 28/12/2018 14:29

He sounds exactly like my brother who has Asperger's. Exactly the same. I could have written this myself

youarenotkiddingme · 28/12/2018 15:14

I read that thinking of autism.

My sons autistic.

He is much improved nowadays and he never had the bad behaviour (he was much more the passive type) but between age 8-12 when he was most confused by life gaming was his safety net.

He started swimming at 11 for a club and now does that really well - there's time obsessing is a godsend - he never misses training Wink

O think you need to look at what he's been like since birth. We're there any symptoms or signs before the PlayStation came into his life?

Whatever the cause of his behaviour if needs addressing because the rehanging behaviour has to stop. I'm just not sure a 'typical' approach will work with your son now.

FixItUpChappie · 28/12/2018 16:10

It's so hard and if you are the parent who severely limits or steers clear of the game systems altogether, they can go to their friends houses where there are plenty of parents like Reanimate who allow it to be a free for all Hmm. We wonder why boys in particular are dropping toy play younger and younger - like everyone is excited to have a teenager in their home starting age 8.

I'm desperately worried about the whole topic with a 5 and 8 yr old at home - it seems like all my 8yr olds friends do. My kid is already obsessed with just the concept of it.

Neurotrash · 28/12/2018 16:19

Ask the school to find out from their IT advisors what software is available to help curb his access.

My local school did a partners eve meeting and talked a lot about time limits etc but also software that helps manage the whole household's internet and game access.

As a teacher of children with asd I agree he sounds a tad on the spectrum or very like those I've taught who have computer addiction.

We have to have strict time limits / timers that count down plus reward systems where they can earn time on it - which is strictly kept to. Eg 5 min vouchers for collecting 5 points, points being given for all sorts of things like tidying up etc.

I'd also consider sending him on some sort of outdoors adventure camp or horse therapy or something.

Neurotrash · 28/12/2018 16:21

Just spotted a pp mentioned koala box - that's the sort of thing I mean.

If it's not you curbing the access, literally a this is what the internet company are allowing us, he can't get mad at you.

Neurotrash · 28/12/2018 16:24

The trait of computer addiction tends to be in people with autism and adhd; people with adhd have brains that need the constant instant reward dopamine gratification that computers give.

APositiveMind · 28/12/2018 16:25

Cut it out while he's young still.
My OH is 31 and exactly like this on his PlayStation. Plays it until the early hours, like getting blood from a stone while he's on it. It has put straining our relationship, causes arguments as he doesn't listen or help with dinner/tidying while he plays it.

Set up a schedule. My SIL gives my DB 3 days/nights a week on it. For a 10 year old I'd suggested maybe 2 nights a week.
My SIL and DB get on so much better now he doesn't go on it every waking minute.

APositiveMind · 28/12/2018 16:27

And, I forgot to mention. My DM once threw my DB PlayStation out of his bedroom window for telling her to shut up while on his game. He has been much more respectful since. My mum doesn't take any shit.