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AIBU?

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Original poster

I am finding my DS difficult

194 replies

Doggydoggydoggy · 27/12/2018 14:37

To the point where me and my DH don’t want to spend much time with him due to his horrible attitude.

It is causing immense tension between my DH and me and I am getting more and more depressed for feeling this way and not knowing what to do.

He is almost 10 and OBSESSED with the PlayStation.
When I say obsessed I mean that he won’t eat or drink or get dressed or brush teeth or anything when on it.
You can talk to him but he doesn’t take on anything you say, for example, you can ask him to turn it off and take the plug out and he will respond with yes okay then turn off the PlayStation and leave without taking out the plug.
When questioned you get ‘I forgot’ or ‘I didn’t hear you’

He is super insanely reactive, he will get incredibly angry or incredibly emotional screaming and crying over absolutely nothing!
Like the internet going down for a second or today when I didn’t want to tell him what his birthday surprise is because then it wouldn’t be a surprise.

PlayStation is all he talks about, the only thing he wants for gifts, when not on PlayStation he wants to watch videos of other people playing PlayStation.

He doesn’t want to try any sports, try any hobbies, he doesn’t want to read, or go for walks or go for days out or visit relatives.
Just game.

Christmas Eve was a turning point when he went to see his grandparents and spent the whole time complaining about bored he was, he wanted to go home, how much longer he has to stay.
He even asked my mil how long he had to stay tomorrow after receiving his presents!!

We have drastically reduced his game time as a result cue lots of crying, your so horrible, I hate you etc.

The time he isn’t on PlayStation He isn’t enjoyable.
He spends the whole entire time arguing with his sister and arguing with us, doing stupid fortnite dances, calling us stupid, telling us to shut up.
Any little thing he has to disagree with.
He nags relentlessly, constantly demanding to know the time so he knows how long he has until PlayStation.
Anything, he will not take no for an answer!
Or today, constantly insisting to know what his birthday surprise was despite me repeatedly saying it was a surprise, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.
Then crying because he doesn’t like surprises apparently.

Me and DH have now had a massive row because of it because he said (to DS) that he would rather he just stay on his PlayStation all day because his behaviour is so unpleasant that he doesn’t want to spend any time with him.
That he isn’t having the surprise anymore, he can just have what he wants instead - more PlayStation vouchers.
And that he won’t even bother asking him to go out on the walk to the woods tomorrow.

I am so fed up of this!

I wish I had never bought the cunting bastard PlayStation.
I want to get rid of it completely but his attitude away from it is really seriously trying and he flat out refuses to do anything else. At all!

OP posts:
Original poster
Doggydoggydoggy · 27/12/2018 15:05

grandmaJane it is interesting you mention autism.
My MIL has mentioned more than once she thinks he might be.

OP posts:
Charles11 · 27/12/2018 15:07

Does he do any activities? Sign him up for scouts or a sport.

ShawshanksRedemption · 27/12/2018 15:07

I know for the kids I work with (I work in a school with this age group) many of them meet up on Fortnite as a way to interact with each other. They want the latest stuff, like "skins", to show off to each other.

I think you need to delve into whether it's the gaming that's an addiction, or whether it's the social interaction. From there you can formulate a plan!

scatterolight · 27/12/2018 15:07

Get rid of the PlayStation. Your son has a drug habit. If he was this hooked on crack you would see it for what it was and you wouldnt be saying things like "my plan is for limited crack cocaine consumption" or "all his friends are on crack I worry it will limit his social life if I take it away".

Get rid of it now. It will be hell for a short time but your lovely child will eventually come back. I wish to god parents would realise how damaging hyper-stimulating games and screen time really is. A whole generation of kids are being ruined.

HolesinTheSoles · 27/12/2018 15:08

It does sound like he has some kind of addiction to the playstation. When it's taken away he is going to be incredibly difficult for quite a while so be prepared for it but set limits on the kind of behaviour which is acceptable. I do agree with seeking further advice from someone with experience in gaming addiction in children.

Biologifemini · 27/12/2018 15:09

Poor you.he needs a total detox from the PlayStation, screens and WiFi
I’d actually go as far as getting rid of it but at least reduce it to 1 hour per day at most.
You only have a small window to sort this out before he becomes an extremely aggressive teen.

Meangirls36 · 27/12/2018 15:09

He's displaying all the symptoms of aspergers syndrome I would recommend a counsellor and a trip to the Dr. Let him play on the PlayStation in his room after he has dome all his chores and homework and possibly some exercise. He will probably love games for the rest of his life. Its just not a very desirable hobby like tennis or violin. If he is SN he probably uses the PlayStation to calm himself and manage his emotions. You need to find out what is going on with him. The hammer and tongs can wait awhile.

orangecushion · 27/12/2018 15:10

I can't imagine playdoh would help?

Definitely take him to the GP.

Nobody here is qualified to diagnose autism.

KoshaMangsho · 27/12/2018 15:10

I don’t understand why you can’t make him go cold turkey. What is more important- ‘a social disadvantage’ or his overall behaviour? You seem quite afraid of him and his reaction even though you admit that each time you removed it his behaviour improved.

Biologifemini · 27/12/2018 15:11

I just saw that his behaviour improved when you took the play station away. I think you have your answer then.

AnxiousMama101 · 27/12/2018 15:12

One of my friends got so fed up with her son's behaviour and attitude about his games console that one day when he started to strop and tell the parents how much he hated them, she took the PlayStation outside and smashed it up.
Best decision she ever made. His behaviour improved massively afterwards.

2isur2isubicurtis4me · 27/12/2018 15:12

I think he sounds autistic too maybe with ADHD?

Charles11 · 27/12/2018 15:12

It was an idea of using it more as a stress toy. Whatever works.

Obviously if he’s autistic then that’s a different matter.

PerverseConverse · 27/12/2018 15:13

My ten year old dd is similar. I've had to take her tablet away. We don't have a games console and won't get one because of the addiction issues they seem to cause. I have an ex who was addicted to gaming and lost his marriage and then me because if it, an exH who faves instead of having sex then complained we didn't have sex Hmm They are the cause of much rot in my opinion. Your ds is addicted and like any addiction it's causing family problems. Get rid of it. Cold turkey won't be pleasant but worth it long term.

Original poster
Doggydoggydoggy · 27/12/2018 15:13

I don’t know, me and DH did look into autism after MIL kept mentioning it but a lot of the points in the checklist he just didn’t fit!
So I don’t know.

He wasn’t impulsive or angry/reactive like this before, he was always quite a patient, tolerant little boy which makes me think it’s not autism. But I don’t know for sure without a specific list.

OP posts:
brizzledrizzle · 27/12/2018 15:13

Yes, I'd be getting rid of it too and seeking help for him to deal with his addiction.

Original poster
Doggydoggydoggy · 27/12/2018 15:14

specialist even

OP posts:
KoshaMangsho · 27/12/2018 15:15

If he wasn’t like this BEFORE the PlayStation AND his behaviour improves when he doesn’t have it, then I think it is fair to assume that the PlayStation is at fault rather than jumping to the conclusion that he is autistic?

Fairenuff · 27/12/2018 15:15

Yes, school have been concerned.
we removed the PlayStation as punishment for a week and for a while he was much improved.

Then he started swearing in school.
We actually banned him from PlayStation completely for over a month as we were absolutely livid with his behaviour by this point.
Since then, he has been absolutely fine at school.

I wish I never allowed it in the house

It does seem clear that the PlayStation has to go. I would buy him other things for his birthday rather than pour more money on the problem.

How long has he had it? What was his behaviour like before he had it?

GreenTulips · 27/12/2018 15:16

Look at a koala box

It regulates the time allowed on the internet - so takes you out of the equation

He can earn more or take some away etc

It’s brilliant

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/12/2018 15:17

Your mil has questioned if he is on the spectrum. I think it’s time to get this checked out. I also think you need to see the gp with some urgency abut the gaming. Your ds has an addictive personality at the the very least so for now I would take it away completely. You’ve done it before. You need a game plan.

I know people, whose ds would be like this given a chance. He can earn the privilege of gaming but is only allowed 15 mins a day if not earnt, which clearly doesn’t work for fortnite unless you save and use at the weekend.

orangecushion · 27/12/2018 15:21

Why , when a child is basically running the show, is it assumed he is " on the spectrum".
Maybe he just likes having his own way.

WeirdCatLady · 27/12/2018 15:21

Why haven’t you just taken the tech away? You know it doesn’t do him any good, you know his behaviour will improve without it, and yet you are fannying about talking of limited use etc. Be the parent, put your foot down and get this sorted.

Fairenuff · 27/12/2018 15:21

X post. I see he was fine before he had it. All the pointers are that the PS is causing the behaviour. Get rid of it. Put it in the loft for a while and let him rant and rage. He will get over it and find something else to do.

But don't let him get away with bad behaviour. He needs boundaries or this could go very bad over the next few years.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 27/12/2018 15:21

We’re a family of gamers and DTS1 is currently having a go on his new game. However, none of us are as obsessed as your boy.

I would also take it away. I’m not qualified to comment on any additional needs that others have mentioned, but do you think a good behaviour set up might work? So he has a cool down in January with no PlayStation, but can earn time back with good behaviour? And maybe at least trying some other activities?