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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel so angry over a Xmas present

317 replies

Allegf · 26/12/2018 20:16

Ok bear with me it could get long

My GrandMIL has always been cold with me. We visit her regularly and I always make polite conversations with her. Over the last year things have got worse with the way she is towards me.For some reason anything I do is wrong.

I’ve been with my DP for 7 years, we have 2 kids and are getting married next summer. My DPs uncle recently got married and had a baby. His new wife and him were only together around 6 months before marriage but she has only been in the picture for around 3 years - relevant

Anyways this brings me to Christmas. Every year my DP small family (12 people) exchange a gift for everyone. I always get a joint gift with my DP from both of us spending around £30 on each person with a thoughtful gift. Over the past 3 years from my GMIL I have recived a keyring with the wrong initial, used hand soap and this year a bloody fruit cake?!
GMIL is not short of money. She actually previous has gloated about this so that isn’t the issue, my DP, BIL, FIL and my DP uncles always get generous gifts or money.
This year as I open my fruit cake and stare down in disbelief I look up to see my DPs uncles new wife hugging my GMIL thanking her for the generous gift clutching a handful of cash. The response was ‘I know, the men always get everything from me on Xmas I thought it was time I spoilt the ladies too so I got you and (MIL) a little treat

I didn’t know how to react so walked out the room and into the toilet where I actually welled up. It not the money. I wouldn’t care if it was a voucher for £5. Its the fact I was never considered.

AIBU or do I need to just shove fruitcake in my face and shut up!

OP posts:
Angrybird345 · 26/12/2018 20:18

What a cow! I'd stop visiting her. How nasty. Did your DH not say anything?

checkingforballoons · 26/12/2018 20:19

YANBU, but enjoy the fruitcake and start plotting some ‘thoughtful’ gifts for her...

BottleOfJameson · 26/12/2018 20:19

YANBU what a cow. Obviously the solution is to try not to let it get to you but that's easier said than done. What does DP say?

breakingthebank · 26/12/2018 20:20

Do you think it's because you're not married?

Santaisonthesherry · 26/12/2018 20:20

Shove it in her face op.
Back away guilt free. No one should make you feel so shoddy and expect a moment of your time in future.
Old woman or not she is a nasty cow.
Flowers

AGHHHH · 26/12/2018 20:20

Yanbu that's fucking horrible. I'd have binned the fruitcake in front of her.

AGHHHH · 26/12/2018 20:21

By binned I mean squashed it on her head.

breakingthebank · 26/12/2018 20:21

Her behaviour is horrible by the way, I wouldn't bother to visit her again if I were you.

youcanthaveitchyteeth · 26/12/2018 20:22

Stop wasting your time on this spiteful old trout OP

mammy0f0ne · 26/12/2018 20:23

Go visit her tomorrow and throw the fruit cake at her. What a cow!!

BlueSuffragette · 26/12/2018 20:23

Not sure id want to carry on visiting her. Ask DP to talk to her another time to find out what the problem is. Maybe if she is called out on it, things may improve. If not then just back away from contact with her.

Belindabauer · 26/12/2018 20:24

What does your dp say.
I don't even like fruit cake so be annoyed.

loubluee · 26/12/2018 20:25

Not married is the issue I think....

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 26/12/2018 20:25

I think you would be absolutely within your rights to have as little to do with this miserable woman as possible. And give her the same kind of consideration as she gives you when exchanging gifts.

ListenLinda · 26/12/2018 20:26

Oh OP, that’s awful! What does your DP say?

KC225 · 26/12/2018 20:26

Has your DH asked what the problem is? It seems odd to single you out like that for no reason.

Quite frankly, unless DH got answer, I would not be visiting regularly and I would not let my children see someone be rude and mean spirited to me. Send your DH by himself - spend the time on something you enjoy, rather than a spiteful old woman.

Neverunderfed · 26/12/2018 20:26

I'd leave the cake behind when I left, without necessarily saying anything. She'll notice.

It must be the getting married/doing things 'properly' thing.

LokiBear · 26/12/2018 20:26

What did your dp say? That is very mean. Id have to go out of my way to rise above it tbh. No way would I allow the bitch to see me upset.

JennyHolzersGhost · 26/12/2018 20:28

I don’t quite understand. This is your partner’s grandmother ? That’s not a particularly close relationship. You’re comparing the presents that she has given you to the presents she has given to the partners of her actual children, is that right ? You’re another degree separated so I really don’t think the outrage is justified. Tbh you’re lucky to get anything in my opinion.

chipsnmayo · 26/12/2018 20:28

I would have chucked the fruit cake in her face tbh

Cat1nthehat · 26/12/2018 20:28

I think it’s because you are a grandchild/ partner of grandchild and therefore got a token gift and her children/their partners got cash. You’re not at the same “level”

gamerchick · 26/12/2018 20:29

If you're still there leave the fruitcake when you go. Or make a big song and dance showing everyone your beautiful fruit cake while getting bowls and spoons?

It's obvious she doesn't like you very much, why do you bother with her? Next year just don't go. Save yourself a few quid.

JennyHolzersGhost · 26/12/2018 20:29

And what’s wrong with fruit cake ?!

RebelWitchFace · 26/12/2018 20:29

@Cat1nthehat what level is keyring with wrong initial and used handsoap?
How many times removed do you have to be for that to actually become acceptable?

ButteryParsnips · 26/12/2018 20:29

I wouldn't be bothering to visit anymore. This is your partner's grandma, right? Does he visit her with you and does he ever visit her by himself? What has he said about all this?