AIBU to feel so angry over a Xmas present

[Allegf]

Ok bear with me it could get long

My GrandMIL has always been cold with me. We visit her regularly and I always make polite conversations with her. Over the last year things have got worse with the way she is towards me.For some reason anything I do is wrong.

I’ve been with my DP for 7 years, we have 2 kids and are getting married next summer. My DPs uncle recently got married and had a baby. His new wife and him were only together around 6 months before marriage but she has only been in the picture for around 3 years - relevant

Anyways this brings me to Christmas. Every year my DP small family (12 people) exchange a gift for everyone. I always get a joint gift with my DP from both of us spending around £30 on each person with a thoughtful gift. Over the past 3 years from my GMIL I have recived a keyring with the wrong initial, used hand soap and this year a bloody fruit cake?!
GMIL is not short of money. She actually previous has gloated about this so that isn’t the issue, my DP, BIL, FIL and my DP uncles always get generous gifts or money.
This year as I open my fruit cake and stare down in disbelief I look up to see my DPs uncles new wife hugging my GMIL thanking her for the generous gift clutching a handful of cash. The response was ‘I know, the men always get everything from me on Xmas I thought it was time I spoilt the ladies too so I got you and (MIL) a little treat

I didn’t know how to react so walked out the room and into the toilet where I actually welled up. It not the money. I wouldn’t care if it was a voucher for £5. Its the fact I was never considered.

AIBU or do I need to just shove fruitcake in my face and shut up!

I’m appalled people are calling the OP grabby! Or boasting that “I must just be less grabby than some”! FFS!!! That isn’t the point! She doesn’t need to share the £200 gifted to her DP and DC because IT’S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY!! Or how much is spent on her. It’s about her being openly and blatantly humiliated by being presented with awful tat (and not just cheap tat, but insultingly awful tat which the giver has put thought into!) in front of the rest of the family all of whom are given generous gifts! It’s done on purpose. This isn’t about her being grabby.

Has she been humiliated though? Really? By opening a fruit cake. Her husband received £100 which I’m sure she will jointly spend. Her 2 children received £50 each. They are the blood relatives. I really don’t think you can expect a partner’s grandmother to treat you the same as she treats her own daughter. What’s so wrong with a fruit cake anyway? Previous gifts were awful, but this one wasn’t.

Has she been humiliated though? Really? By opening a fruit cake.

But the fruitcake is the third crappy gift. Actually, it is less crappy than a keychain with the wrong initial and half used soap, but it is still crappy.

Just forget about it though. It’s the grandmother of the partner, not a close relative. Just continue to be civil, put it down to age, possibly attitude to having children before marriage, possibly some other problem she has with OP. If she has a problem, it’s hers. Just thank her for the gift and move on with your life.

YABU, you’re expecting way too much

Expecting a gift that is to prevent germs (soap) to be new and clean is expecting way too much? Okay then..

SingaporeSlinky prefers her soap 1/4 full. Half is too much.

You can't make someone buy you a better gift. It's a gift so accept gracefully. Talking about it to her would only make things worse. Forget it and move on. Next year you'll expect much of the same so won't be dissapointed. Like a previous poster said, you gave her a £30 gift and she gave your family a lot more. Buy yourself something nice instead as a treat. Save the fruit cake and regift it to her next year though maybe!

The used soap was from a previous Christmas. Old news. You can’t keep going on about it. This year was a fruit cake and £100 to her partner.

I would just think the person is a bit mad for the previous random crappy gifts, but no need to overthink. No need to raise it as an issue. She’s been very generous to your family on the whole.

I would stop going to see her. Go visit your family instead. Your dp can take the children, and can report back. He may take a bit more notice if you're not there. Interestingly, next time you'll be his wife and so youmight get that same as everyone else.

It's wasted anger.

You knew she was being a cow before
Xmas, and she didn't disappoint.

Move on and distance yourself. Or call her out on the unfair behaviour.

Agree it will be interesting to see if things are different once you are married.

SingaporeSlinky I don’t think it works like that. If something is nasty multiple times, then it adds to the upset. You wouldn’t say to someone that a nasty comment should be forgot about because a new nasty comment has been aimed at them.

Learn to smile sweetly, gush over the (awful and thoughtless) gift, plot to give back to her a keyring and/or variation on the fruit cake next birthday or christmas.

I think it is called karma!

Just remember that people (usually) give gifts that they rather fancy themselves. Hence I nearly always give chocolate/wine!! It also relieves you from the pressure of wondering what to buy her.

What I am trying to say is life is too short to fret this kind of stuff. Take care hun xxx

Quack no, but the recent gift was a cake. Hardly crime of the century. I’m not saying OP shouldn’t be annoyed by the previous crap, but a fruit cake from a partner’s grandmother isn’t that bad. My main point is that it’s such a distant relation it doesn’t matter. I don’t expect anything more than that from my DH’s grandma and would feel grateful for the rest if she’d given that to my DH and DC. My earlier comment about expecting too much was just meant in regards to the level of relationship. Different if it was OP’s MIL but it wasn’t.

If OP feels she’s being left out deliberately or humiliated by it, stop visiting.

SingaporeSlinky I agree with being a distant relation a token gift is more than fine. I think the fruit cake was just a tip of the iceberg situation. I second stop visiting or at least don’t put any thought into anything for her either, let your partner take that on.

Think about this the other way. While I assume the Op and partner give a joint gift. What would Op give if they did seperate gifts?