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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adults who won't drive

452 replies

Homethroughthepuddles · 26/12/2018 11:55

I'm not talking about those who have health difficulties or can't afford a car. Just those who can't be bothered to learn, or who learn but can't be bothered to sit their test.

I'm once again spending Christmas having to do all the ferrying around and staying off the wine, while my sister, who has learnt to drive and even bought a car but has refused to sit her test, has been chauffeured around and been able to drink as much as she likes.

With my mother getting older and more reliant on lifts it's very annoying.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 26/12/2018 11:57

Yanbu!

topcat2014 · 26/12/2018 11:57

That is annoying, isn't it.

DMil sold her car a few years back, deciding (for no particular reason) to stop driving.

The theory was she would get taxis.

It has never happened.

Shoxfordian · 26/12/2018 11:58

Yeah that is annoying, you could say no though

Username24682 · 26/12/2018 11:58

YANBU. It also bothers me hugely when you’re expected to shoulder all of the burden of driving but you’re regarded as doing ‘nothing’ because ‘you’re just sitting there’ Hmm

SnuggyBuggy · 26/12/2018 11:58

Just say you can't do so many lifts. Can't your mum get an account with a taxi firm?

masterandmargarita · 26/12/2018 11:58

Just say no

NC4Now · 26/12/2018 11:59

I’ve been very casually seeing a bloke who doesn’t drive recently. I must admit, I did a sharp intake of breath when he told me.

BumDisease · 26/12/2018 11:59

We have this thread every bloody week.

Say "no". Problem solved.

Holidayshopping · 26/12/2018 12:00

I would just say no.

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/12/2018 12:00

I think it's fine to not learn to drive. There's too many cars on the road as it is.

I didn't learn til my 30s. But then I got wjere I needed to go via public transport. The odd car pool and petrol contribution.

I would never have assumed though that someone else would do it. If I couldn't get there by bus train or taxi I'd not agree to go.

bullyingadvice2017 · 26/12/2018 12:00

I'd dump him. So many women I know spend half their life sorting out men who can't or won't drive. I'd find that a massive turn off

Lydiaatthebarre · 26/12/2018 12:00

I knew the 'let her take taxis' comment would be made before long.

Who's going to refuse an elderly and frail mother lifts and tell her to just use taxis? Even assuming she can afford to.

Sugarformyhoney · 26/12/2018 12:00

Yanbu if people are expecting lifts.. however I’ve spent lots of time and money learning to drive and find it incredibly difficult. In the same way some people find reading, maths hard.
I’m often blasé and make a joke of it because I find it humiliating and frustrating. It doesn’t come easy to all of us.
Also- you can say no to giving lifts you know.

Lydiaatthebarre · 26/12/2018 12:01

Bumdisease no one is forced to open threads they're not interested in, let alone post on them.

AgentProvocateur · 26/12/2018 12:01

Worse that that is those who can drive, but only on local roads they know. So they won’t go on motorways or anywhere that they don’t know how to get to. So ridiculous.

cheesywotnots · 26/12/2018 12:02

I don't drive, I have tried but it scares me. I don't ask for or expect lifts, I get trains, buses and book taxis.

Ethel80 · 26/12/2018 12:02

My partner won't learn and doesn't really drink so shelling out on taxis really pisses me off. We also have family who live a long drive away and don't see them that much because I have no-one to share the drive with.

It makes me so mad.

Lydiaatthebarre · 26/12/2018 12:03

It's not just about not asking for lifts. It's about, as OP has said, siblings not being able to do their share of looking after the needs of elderly parents.

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/12/2018 12:03

Worse that that is those who can drive, but only on local roads they know. So they won’t go on motorways or anywhere that they don’t know how to get to. So ridiculous

As long as it doesn't impact on you why is it a problem?

ScreamingBadSanta · 26/12/2018 12:03

I think YABU to generalise. I don't drive because I can't - I find it too difficult to pass a test. I don't know why, it's just something I am bad at. I don't expect other people to ferry me around. The problem is with your sister's attitude, not with all adults who don't drive.

Holidayshopping · 26/12/2018 12:03

How does your sister get around normally? Presuming she doesn’t ring you up daily to get her to work, the shops/cinema/pub?

I would refuse and say it’s chxristmas you want to have a drink and relax. What have you not done this?

SnuggyBuggy · 26/12/2018 12:03

My DGF was frail and elderly and had to get taxis because he had no family nearby. Elderly people need to let their descendants have a life of their own and take some responsiblity.

treaclesoda · 26/12/2018 12:04

I don't give lifts to people who are perfectly capable of transporting themselves but just choose not to. I will happily provide lifts to anyone who is unable to drive due to their health. Or if they can't afford to run a car.

When I was younger I happily gave lifts to all my friends and then discovered that they just expected me to, and thought nothing of asking me to drive them around for hours on end, never contributing to petrol and never making any effort to learn to drive themselves. It happened over and over with different people. I stepped away from the friendships and never made the same mistake again.

AgentProvocateur · 26/12/2018 12:06

It’s only a problem when it does impact on me. When it doesn’t, I don’t give a shit where people can or can’t drive to.

But if you sign your kid up to go to band camp / scout camp etc miles from home, it’s unfair to expect normal drivers to do the taking and collecting because you “can’t drive” to somewhere new.

Original poster
Homethroughthepuddles · 26/12/2018 12:06

Holidayshopping we have various events to go to involving extended family and my mother needs to be driven. Because my sister can't drive it means she also gets to be driven to these things, instead of being able to drive to some of them and let me be the one to relax and have a glass of wine.

OP posts: