Adults who won't drive

[Homethroughthepuddles]

I'm not talking about those who have health difficulties or can't afford a car. Just those who can't be bothered to learn, or who learn but can't be bothered to sit their test.

I'm once again spending Christmas having to do all the ferrying around and staying off the wine, while my sister, who has learnt to drive and even bought a car but has refused to sit her test, has been chauffeured around and been able to drink as much as she likes.

With my mother getting older and more reliant on lifts it's very annoying.

I don't drive for medical reasons (prone to fainting even from a sitting position so not safe behind the wheel). However I would never ask for a lift anywhere, but do make it clear that if it's not within walking distance or accessible by public transport I won't be able to go places as I can't afford taxis. My family and friends are understanding and will offer lifts or plan events at places I can get to easily.

However my SIL doesn't drive for no reason, she has a license and a car but will ask for lifts everywhere from MIL or BIL. It's infuriating because if I could drive I 100% would.

Thing is you either offer a lift graciously or you don't offer.

I think the people who play the martyr are equally ridiculous. Don't wanna do it then songs offer. Or don't agree to it. But don't say you will then turn it into some massive big deal moaning about it.

Your thread title is patronising. As if by by not driving, you are somehow immature.

I don't drive. I am bemused when people react in horror to the fact I don't. I am bemused by drivers that think it's not possible to get anywhere without a car - and most do use their cars unnecessarily.

There are far too many cars on the road. My area of work is Safe and Sustainable travel. I can tell you now there is a huge push by the government to reduce car driving. It causes endless problems.

I don't depend on anyone else for lifts - in fact I prefer alternative methods of travel given that I am prone to travel sickness. I get by quite nicely on foot, tubes, trains and buses. Maybe the occasional cab if really necessary, but rare seeing as I live in London.

How frustrating op. Is there any way you can say something like - oh I’d like to have a drink or two at this event so I’m not going to drive. Mum, sis do you fancy sharing a taxi? We can split the costs.

Hopefully it might remind people that as the driver you are missing out on aspects of the get together.

Maybe use it as a time to ask sis when she’s going to take her test if she has a car.

Say no and give them the number of local taxi firm

Blimey, you are being really unreasonable. 'Can't be bothered to learn'?!

Some of us don't want to drive, it's too expensive to take lessons and then buy, insure and MOT a car. Having to pay to park your car outside your home, cost of petrol. Then there's the environment, other idiot drivers on the road. It's not that we can't be bothered.

You're pissed off with your sister, but generalising about a whole lot of us who never learnt to drive for a whole load of perfectly valid reasons.

It's annoying if you become the chauffeur, but on balance I think we are all much better off when people who don't feel comfortable behind the wheel of a car don't drive.

In fact I think the bigger problem is people who are over confident about their driving skills.

See also the US and guns.

MIL who was widowed at the age of 58 can drive, but since losing FIL, has refused to do so. When he died, they had a nearly new car but it sat for 10 or 12 years in the garage before she saw sense and sold it. DW has tried to persuade her to drive, if only locally, but she never has. Result - for the past 30 years we have had to drive 150 miles there and back each time we visit her or have her to visit us. Approaching the age of 90, it’s too late now, but it’s just one of many things she knows she should have done after FIL died, but she prefers to bury her head. We are know bearingbthe consequences of her inability to take a decision or take the right course of action and we aren’t getting any younger!

Thanks Christmas

It is really hard to explain to people what it's like. I'm far from lazy in all aspects of life, but I'm just scared of being on the road. People are more accepting of people who won't get rid of a spider and accept someone else to do it, than people who are fearful of driving a machine which is capable of killing someone! Some people are fine with driving and are just lazy though!

I drive, but am one of those apparent saddos who drives to and from work (same 12 mile roundtrip route, I never go the motorway way which would be quicker). I also drive to Tesco. That’s it. I hate driving in strange places and in the dark.
Anything else, my DP drives.
Odd thing is I passed my test 37 years ago and have even driven massive automatics in places like Toronto, hire cars in Athens (never again!!) and mopeds in India.
I’m not sure what happened (aside from a long period of not driving as I had no car) to make me so different from when I was in my 20’s (I’m 54 now).

Yes I have a SIL who is well able to drive but keeps making excuses not to sit her test. I am sure she would come onto a thread like this insisting she's no bother to anyone, always happy to use public transport etc.

But there have been so many times we have said 'if only X had her licence.......'

I think non drivers see 'being no trouble' simply in terms of not always asking for lifts, but don't see the many occasions when they cannot help out in a certain situation, or be asked to run over and check on an elderly relative etc etc etc.

*Expect not accept!

I don't drive and never bothered to get to the point of sitting a test because I didn't like it plus I live in an area with brilliant public transport (bus stop outside my house!) and had to commute to London for work, I'm in walking distance to local shops and there is no where to bloody park if I did drive. (Also I can't afford it now if I wanted to, can't even afford to renew my passport!)

I spend xmas day at a friends up the road and for many years walked there and back again (30 mins each way, a bit longer at night if I was squiffy) but she now offers me lifts as she doesn't drink anymore and it means we can have a good gossip in the car on the way there and home again (we've even sat outside her house for 20mins having a good bitch)

My mum never drove either and when she was alive we got taxi's everywhere or used the bus/ train so we didn't have to rely on family members who drove giving the "martyr" speech "oh I'll come and take time out of MY day and get you as you don't drive... " No, fuck off, we are adults and can make our own way there ta.

De-nail yourself from your cross and just learn to say "no". Being elderly doesn't mean you can't get a taxi to and from a destination.

I think non drivers see 'being no trouble' simply in terms of not always asking for lifts, but don't see the many occasions when they cannot help out in a certain situation, or be asked to run over and check on an elderly relative etc etc etc

And how many of those elderly relatives eityer quite happily go out and do their own thing when no one can go over.

How many are on that coach to Eastbourne and Turkey and tinsel trips. How many can sort themselves out.

And how many turn down carers etc

Its all very well being angry at people who cant help you out. But you are the one enabling them to be so dependant on you when they don't need to be.

Obviously not all old people who blah blah blah but sometimes the running abiut is what causes the problem.in the first place and you can't go blaming someone who refuses to pander to it or can't pander to it

I have no sense of direction, no money for driving lessons and no money for a car.

On the rare occasion I need a lift for work related things I'll go out of my way to avoid inconveniencing anyone too much.

I won’t learn to drive.

But I would never expect anyone to ferry me around, I actually think that’s very out of order especially on Christmas. I have not been in a car for nearly a year nor my children even though my stepdad can drive and does offer lifts occasionally. We have public transport and that suits us very well.

I do have a fear of driving though and refuse to risk my children’s lives by driving. There’s so many drivers I see on their phones and near misses of crashes I see every week.

but don't see the many occasions when they cannot help out in a certain situation, or be asked to run over and check on an elderly relative etc etc etc.

Has she not passed on purpose because she thinks she will constantly be asked to do things for her DH’s elderly relatives?

YANBU. Obviously some people have good reasons to not drive, but people who just can't be bothered are a bloody nuisance in this day and age.

Obviously they're perfectly entitled not to bother, but we're perfectly entitled to sometimes sigh to ourselves and wish they would.

I think car drivers are selfish so many times they could use public transport or walk for short distances but are to lazy and would rather pollute the environment further and use a car.
I don't drive hated every minute of my driving lessons and unsurprisingly failed 4 tests.
Not everyone is cut out to be a driver and at least that's one less car on the road.
Can you imagine if everyone of driving age did drive?
The roads would be a nightmare and even more pollution than there is now.

I have driven since 1973 and would give up in a heartbeat if I didn't need to drive for work. The idiots on the road is alarming. The dangerous driving and 'rage' and distractions like phones and the fact that you can pass a test within a week without experiencing any type of hazardous weather - aargh, you take your life in your hands when you get behind a wheel let alone as a pedestrian. Unless you have stacks of confidence take no notice of the sneerers, you're right to not drive. The comment about frail old people who need to let their descendants lead their own life. What a selfish attitude. On the other hand I can't believe that so many people know non-drivers who are piss-takers. I know none.

I think non drivers see 'being no trouble' simply in terms of not always asking for lifts, but don't see the many occasions when they cannot help out in a certain situation, or be asked to run over and check on an elderly relative etc etc etc.

I see what you are saying, but there are many situations that might mean a friend or relative can't help out in certain situations - e.g. living abroad/at the other end of the country; having a young baby or being pregnant; working odd shifts. It isn't reasonable to single non-drivers out as particularly troublesome or useless. What is reasonable is for everyone to be as helpful as they can, within the parameters of their individual capabilities.

I dont drive. Never bothered to learn. I dont expect lifts anywhere. Walk most places as do my kids although the youngest is 16 now but they happily walked 3 miles each way to secondary school. If I need transport bus or cab is ok.

Start learning to say NO to your sister and family. Just that. They expect you tell them in advance, this year, you need to get around on your own. I'd like a drinkie in the evenings when I'm off work so I won't be driving.

I think a lot of it is because the UK is so backwards with all these manual cars. It's so much easier to drive an automatic and far more common in Europe and other areas outside the UK. My DD is dyspraxic and dyslexic and does fine driving an automatic car, passed first time in an automatic car but failed 3 times in a manual.

I drove a manual for decades but I'd never got back to one again. I got an automatic after I had to have loads of foot and ankle surgery on my left foot after a RTA and never looked back.

As for a bloke whom I was dating who didn't drive and expected me to? Nope. I would dump immediately.

@Wintertea how exactly am I a bloody nuisance?