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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adults who won't drive

452 replies

Homethroughthepuddles · 26/12/2018 11:55

I'm not talking about those who have health difficulties or can't afford a car. Just those who can't be bothered to learn, or who learn but can't be bothered to sit their test.

I'm once again spending Christmas having to do all the ferrying around and staying off the wine, while my sister, who has learnt to drive and even bought a car but has refused to sit her test, has been chauffeured around and been able to drink as much as she likes.

With my mother getting older and more reliant on lifts it's very annoying.

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 26/12/2018 12:08

I think I just probably wouldn’t go to all the events. I hate being forced to be the designated driver all of the time.

Original poster
Homethroughthepuddles · 26/12/2018 12:08

Not a very nice attitude snuggybuggy. My mum doesn't expect to be ferried 'everywhere', but there are lots of times when she genuinely needs a lift and I'm certainly not going to expect her to fork out for taxis all the time.

OP posts:
NotUmbongoUnchained · 26/12/2018 12:08

It’s pathetic.

You can’t just say no either, because then you just come across as a bellend.

SnuggyBuggy · 26/12/2018 12:09

It would be the same situation if your sister lived abroad or something. Drive if you want, take people if it's convenient and get a taxi if you want a drink. She doesn't have to learn to drive to please you.

xsquared · 26/12/2018 12:09

I've passed my test and Be for a bit when dcs were little. Had a couple of accidents

  • one wasn't my fault and the other did not involve a third party thank goodness; I'm still not entirely confident and avoid it if I can.
I think it's safer for everyone if I didn't drive. I don't ever demand lifts and prefer walking where possible. I will drive if there is no other solution but prefer not to.
ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 26/12/2018 12:09

I recently passed my test (late 30s), which is none of any one else’s business.

However, I never asked for nor expected lifts, so that’s why it’s nobody else’s business.

I pointedly had a baileys yesterday so couldn’t be available for lifts, DP had a whisky. Just one each but enough to prevent SIL doing her usual

Original poster
Homethroughthepuddles · 26/12/2018 12:09

Holiday the problem is my mum would be sorry to miss these things and she probably doesn't have that many Christmases left. I don't grudge her the lifts, but I do think it would be great if my sister could be available as well.

OP posts:
LakeIsle48 · 26/12/2018 12:10

There is no way I would date someone who choses not to drive. If a man who couldn't drive asked me out I would say no. I don't find it attractive. Obviously it is different if the person is disabled.

I know I sound sexist but it's how I feel.

xsquared · 26/12/2018 12:10

That should be "drove" for a bit.

Spudsandspanners · 26/12/2018 12:10

Some people like myself pass their test, then realise that they are terrified of driving and avoid it at all costs. It's horrible, I feel absolutely terrible about it and am trying to overcome it. It's probably one of the biggest phobias you can justify having, as driving can be quite dangerous and does kill people. It's just one of those things, some people just don't take to it very well, but other just take it for granted.

I wouldn't expect someone to not drink so they can pick me up on Christmas day though.

Original poster
Homethroughthepuddles · 26/12/2018 12:10

But she doesn't live abroad SnuggyBuggy.

OP posts:
Sinead100 · 26/12/2018 12:11

My MIL (early 50s, still works, completely fit and healthy, has her own fancy pants car in the driveway), has lived and driven in several countries (both sides of the road!), and after being in the UK for nearly two decades, still refuses to drive anywhere further than the one mile radius around her house.

For no other reason than she is lazy and wants to be driven around. These people exist too Angry

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 26/12/2018 12:12

Spudsandspanners I felt like that too, I get it. I only drive because I have to. I hate it, really hate it and can’t do motorways yet (weeks since I passed). I learned the routes I use most often, and am comfortable with those.

SnuggyBuggy · 26/12/2018 12:13

It's still not her responsibility to drive. You have choices, so does she. Do the driving and favours you can cope with.

Thisnamechanger · 26/12/2018 12:13

Some meanies on here today. Fair enough if you have someone particular in your life taking the piss but to start painting swaiths of people as pathetic and unattractive (wtf?) Is just bonkers. I don't drive because I've tried and I have panic attacks behind the wheel so frankly I think you're all safer if I keep taking the bus!

llangennith · 26/12/2018 12:16

I think you need to have that conversation with your sister. Tell her to hurry up and pass her test as it's unfair on you to have to do all the ferrying around and always be the designated non-drinking driver.
Obviously you're not begrudging your DM a lift anywhere but it would piss me off too that your sister is taking advantage.

NC4Now · 26/12/2018 12:16

Your sister needs to start paying for taxis.

Gina2012 · 26/12/2018 12:16

Worse that that is those who can drive, but only on local roads they know. So they won’t go on motorways or anywhere that they don’t know how to get to. So ridiculous

This is me

I am paralysed with fear about driving anywhere I'm not sure of

It's utterly ridiculous but I have no idea how to get over it - I've tried 'practice' but it just makes it worse Blush

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/12/2018 12:19

Some meanies on here today. Fair enough if you have someone particular in your life taking the piss but to start painting swaiths of people as pathetic and unattractive (wtf?) Is just bonkers. I don't drive because I've tried and I have panic attacks behind the wheel so frankly I think you're all safer if I keep taking the bus!
Well exactly.

Piss takers take the piss. You need to deal with the behaviour because if it wasnt the car it would be something else. say no. They can go bug someone else til they get fed up and start refusing.

Personally I think multiple people travelling to the same place one person per car is ridiculous. But this is where you would take turns. And pay for petrol.

Or all chip in and get a taxi or something.

But then I'm happy tobuse public transport. Or walk . Most the time it's easier anyway. Especially when by the time you have found some deserted side street you so far away you might as well have walked anyway

Between expensive parking and people who park like idiots taking up entire rows for 2 cars Its far less stressful getting the bus.

MereDintofPandiculation · 26/12/2018 12:20

MN regularly has "driving" threads on which people are told in no uncertain terms that if they can't parallel park, or don't like reversing half a mile down a country lane, or some other largely avoidable aspect of driving, that they shouldn't be on the road and should give up driving immediately.

But if someone doesn't drive, often because they haven't taken to it easily and know they're a shit driver, then they're totally selfish, lazy, and totally lacking in attractiveness.

ashtrayheart · 26/12/2018 12:20

I’m even more ridiculous as I passed my test a few years ago then didn’t drive again. I just don’t think I have the aptitude for it. Not everyone does.

PavlovianLunge · 26/12/2018 12:20

You could all share a taxi. Everyone can drink if the want to, and you can split the cost. It also puts down a marker that it can’t be assumed you’ll do all the driving in future.

ElspethFlashman · 26/12/2018 12:21

You can’t just say no either, because then you just come across as a bellend

Exactly. It's a very well to say "tell them to get a taxi" but you turn into the bad guy awful fast doing that. You with your 3 spare seats! So unobliging! So selfish! And it's only down the road anyway! (It's never just down the road....)

InsomniacAnonymous · 26/12/2018 12:23

I have asked for a lift precisely once in my entire life (I'm 64), and that was from my husband when a bus had been cancelled and the next one was in 2 hours time. He was at home and I was 2 miles away. Hardly using people is it?

Nenic · 26/12/2018 12:26

Yes, let’s get people to drive who would be a danger to other road users and also contribute to the pollution. I drive but it amazes me that there are people who want more cars on the road. You’d be the first to complain if the roads were gridlocked all the time. It’s also very expensive to learn to drive and maintain a car.

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