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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adults who won't drive

452 replies

Homethroughthepuddles · 26/12/2018 11:55

I'm not talking about those who have health difficulties or can't afford a car. Just those who can't be bothered to learn, or who learn but can't be bothered to sit their test.

I'm once again spending Christmas having to do all the ferrying around and staying off the wine, while my sister, who has learnt to drive and even bought a car but has refused to sit her test, has been chauffeured around and been able to drink as much as she likes.

With my mother getting older and more reliant on lifts it's very annoying.

OP posts:
WomanOfTime · 26/12/2018 13:18

Woman the OP made it perfectly clear she wasn't talking about someone like you

My point was that when making general statements about 'adults who won't drive' it's impossible to know if they're someone like me or not. OP knows whether her own sister has good reasons or not - my comment was directed more at the others who have made generalised statements in the thread, like the pp saying that even those who never ask for lifts are still a burden.

TurquoiseDress · 26/12/2018 13:20

YANBU!

Really gets my goat too.

My younger sister is a complete pain in the arse for this.

She has a shiny, beautiful Mini Clubman sat on her driveway, courtesy of her DH.

However, she's too lazy to actually sit her driving test/have lessons etc.

I end up giving her lifts to lots of things or she tends to get taxis everywhere

SnuggyBuggy · 26/12/2018 13:20

@Piglet, definitely. I know more than one older person who would love to take a well deserved long holiday or cruise but can't because they look after grandchildren. Doesn't seem fair.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 26/12/2018 13:20

Aeroflotgirl good luck!

I told my examiner that I’m autistic and was extremely nervous and he was really reassuring. In fact, I didn’t realise I’d been driving for as long when he told me the test was over, I thought I’d failed!

Do it at your own pace, and for yourself. You’ve got this!

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2018 13:23

Thanks so much ChristmasTwattery that is awsome, really awsome. I have dyspraxia and dyslexia, so it has taken me longer, but so want to crack this and drive. I am currently saving up for a car, and to run it. Though dh has been against me driving because of difficulties, I have ignored him, and will do it for me Smile.

Holidayshopping · 26/12/2018 13:23

Are you offering them a lift?
Are they asking you?
Are they assuming and saying eg-‘what time are you picking us up and can we stop at Tesco on the way etc?

I think there is quite a difference.

cheesenpickles · 26/12/2018 13:24

I hold a full driving license but have MAJOR anxiety. The thought of driving gives me the shakes. No idea why and it's something I'm working on. I only passed my test because of beta blockers.

Lydiaatthebarre · 26/12/2018 13:25

Jacqueshammer how is refusing to give elderly parents a lift, take them to buy heavy shopping, bring them to medical appointments and so on 'adult'?

SilverApples · 26/12/2018 13:28

Yet another nasty, judgemental thread about people who either can’t or choose not to drive. Stop whinging and just say no. Perhaps your mother should have learnt to drive instead of relying on the charity of a daughter.
I can drive. Motorways, night time, snow all no problem. None of the other adults in my home can, so I either give them a lift, they use public transport or they walk. I don’t think less of them, and anyone who judged them for currently lacking the skill is a waste of space and not worth bothering about imo.

icannotremember · 26/12/2018 13:28

I don't drive and I don't ask for lifts. I get buses or the occasional taxi or walk. My bus pass is £18 a week and lessons, test, a car, insurance, tax and petrol would cost much, much more. DH drives, has an oldest car, 10 years ncb and doesn't make unnecessary journeys- insurance costs us £66 a month, tax £20 and petrol £130. I don't want to spend an extra £140 A month just because some people look down on non drivers, and that's before I even think about the cost of lessons...

JacquesHammer · 26/12/2018 13:28

how is refusing to give elderly parents a lift, take them to buy heavy shopping, bring them to medical appointments and so on 'adult'?

Um. I was referring to the people on the thread bemoaning having to drive sisters etc. As in the OP “whilst my sister has been chauffeured around”.

Pinkkittens292 · 26/12/2018 13:29

If people offer me a lift I would usually decline anyway for that exact reason.

JacquesHammer · 26/12/2018 13:29

The equation of adult who doesn’t drive with being a person who takes advantage of others is foolish.

SnuggyBuggy · 26/12/2018 13:30

I really don't like accepting lifts from someone who would be going out of their way. I certainly don't expect them from people.

NameChangeToAvoidBeingFound · 26/12/2018 13:32

I’m almost 24 and I’ve never learned how to drive and my mum or two of my sisters who can drive, drive me (maybe once or twice a year if I’m doing something with or for them). I’ve put it off till this year though because my mum is a carer and provides all the childcare for my sisters and there is an expectation that I’m going to take over the caring responsibilities when she no longer can (despite having five aunties and uncles and around 20 cousins who live closer yet refuse to help at all) and provide the childcare when at home and driving would just add to that responsibility. Rather than them finding alternatives for when mum is busy with caring or childcare my aunties and uncles and siblings would come out with well NameChange can drive she can do it. I’m only learning now because I’m at uni and have no intention of moving back home afterwards.

Maryjoyce · 26/12/2018 13:32

Do not offer a lift ever I don’t and if I’m asked I say I have things I am doing that will take too long etc.
I will never be a taxi driver for others for free again as I learnt the hard way once give an Inch they take a mile.
They never understand cars cost money and not just a little bit. Running costs are beyond crazy and it’s also annoying to constantly be bothered by passengers you don’t even want.

ShotsFired · 26/12/2018 13:33

OP, there's also that category of people who make a pious song and dance about how they never expect lifts and get taxis and buses everywhere....'

...while making a huge PA song and dance about "JUST CALLING A CAB FOR THAT SHORT JOURNEY AREN'T TAXIS SO EXPENSIVE HA HA OF COURSE I'D NEVER EXPECT ANYONE TO GIVE ME A LIFT HA HA EVEN THOUGH ITS ONLY 5 MINUTES..."

Hmmok then, buh-bye!

Lydiaatthebarre · 26/12/2018 13:33

"Perhaps your mother should have learnt to drive instead of relying on the charity of a daughter."

Wow, Silverapples, and you call the poster nasty and judgmental.

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/12/2018 13:33

Jacqueshammerhow is refusing to give elderly parents a lift, take them to buy heavy shopping, bring them to medical appointments and so on 'adult'?

And how do you think people managed before? Or when their husbamds/wives had the car for work.

This 2/3 car household isn't that common surely?

There's hospital transport

You can at up online orders and pop over on the bus to go deal with it.

Many people work or live far away from their parents so arent able to make the trio often or at all any way.

I work evenings so if anything happened to my parents my dp who doesnt drive would have to go round via his or taxi anyway.

And frankly of people chose to remain living out on the sticks rather than downsize somewhere more accessible to services they require, or refuse a care package or refuse to do anything like online shopping then they have to take the hot that it's not always going to be possible for somone to drop everything and go round.

If you couldn't afford to fix the car or had a c section and weren't able to drive for 6 weeks or were injured in an accident you'd not the able to do it anyway.

NameChanger22 · 26/12/2018 13:35

Adults who keep bringing this subject up on Mumsnet every 5 minutes.

We've had this exact same thread at least a hundred times. It's so boring.

Live and let live.

Peace

Lydiaatthebarre · 26/12/2018 13:36

Jacques

The OP made it perfectly clear that she is driving her mum around and the sister, who is also present, gets the advantage of the lift and being able to have a drink, because she refuses to sit her test and therefore can't take her turn at driving.

So keep your 'ums' to yourself, thank you.

Lydiaatthebarre · 26/12/2018 13:37

So boring you went to the bother of opening it and posting on it namechanger

JacquesHammer · 26/12/2018 13:37

So keep your 'ums' to yourself, thank you

Oh dear, have I touched a nerve? Chill out, it’s Boxing Day Grin

GreenMeerkat · 26/12/2018 13:38

YABU to assume that everyone should learn to drive an own a car. There are already too many cars in the road and it's perfectly acceptable for someone to choose not to drive.

YANBU to be annoyed at being expected to drive everyone around. Just say no.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 26/12/2018 13:39

Another non driver here. I have tried to learn but I’m very nervous in cars and tbh I think I would be a complete liability on the road. My eyesight isn’t great either. Fortunately I live in a city with great public transport. There are some people who just shouldn’t drive and I think I’m one.