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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adults who won't drive

452 replies

Homethroughthepuddles · 26/12/2018 11:55

I'm not talking about those who have health difficulties or can't afford a car. Just those who can't be bothered to learn, or who learn but can't be bothered to sit their test.

I'm once again spending Christmas having to do all the ferrying around and staying off the wine, while my sister, who has learnt to drive and even bought a car but has refused to sit her test, has been chauffeured around and been able to drink as much as she likes.

With my mother getting older and more reliant on lifts it's very annoying.

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 28/12/2018 13:15

Wouldn’t it have been better to just say-‘see you at 4pm xmas eve!’ and not discussed how you were getting there?
I did! She said ‘how are you getting here?Are you driving? I thought you didn’t like motorways! Hence the debate.

2rebecca · 28/12/2018 13:18

I think if someone is always late they are prioritising themself over the person they are meeting. 5-10 minutes is fine, more than this on a regular basis and you need to get your act together if you want anyone to actually meet you. If they have too much going on in their life to meet up they should just say no. People who don't drive aren't a problem unless they are unwilling to sort out public transport or taxis and expect to be ferried around by friends and relatives.

treaclesoda · 28/12/2018 13:19

For touring Scotland or Ireland you really need a car although I am sure someone will come on here and say you can do it by bus

I can't speak for all of Ireland, but most of Northern Ireland is fairly inaccessible without a car. I often see tourists arrive off the airport bus into the main bus station in Belfast and go to the enquiries desk to see how they can get to various places only to come back looking fairly glum. It's ridiculous for a country that has made such an effort to attract tourists.

FishCanFly · 28/12/2018 14:27

owning a car is expensive - its not about learning or sitting the test, its the car itself, the never ending-repairs, the mot, the insurance, the tax, the parking fees...

2rebecca · 28/12/2018 15:30

I've done a lot of Scotland by public transport. We did a 10 day tour taking in Rum, Skye and Aviemore using train, bus and ferry. I did have to plan it all in advance though

MagnificentSevenHeaven · 28/12/2018 16:31

"That's a pity, you'll be able to see it when I put the pics on Facebook" is my standard answer.

MagnificentSevenHeaven · 28/12/2018 16:34

On Mn on these threads, 95% of non drivers say they never ask for lifts or help.

They never ask, they just huff & puff & make pointed comments to their children/partners/cats/God until someone finally cracks & offers them one....

ForalltheSaints · 28/12/2018 16:37

I wish more people did not learn to drive. And that government would have the guts to ban aggressive drivers, anyone convicted of drink-driving a second time, and those with certain health conditions or refuse to declare them, for good.

Though if you are accepting the kindness of others, accept this as a gift not entitlement. Conversely, if your elderly parents need the help, and you find it 'annoying', then I feel sorry for your parents having such an unloving brat.

As for public transport alternatives, this government has frozen fuel duty for seven years, but not rail fares for one.

Florries · 28/12/2018 16:39

I just keep seeing Jay from the Inbetweeners in my mind leaning out the passenger window yelling 'WAHHEYY, BUS WANKERS!!'

MagicalUnicornPoo · 28/12/2018 18:37

I didn’t learn to drive/pass my test until I was 25. Only because I was in a car accident when I was 11 and had a fear of being behind the wheel. I’m now nearly 30, and I’m also tee-total so I’m just expected to give EVERYONE lifts all the time, especially at family get togethers. I’m happy to help, but the thing is I don’t actually get asked nicely beforehand, I’m just told (usually RIGHT BEFORE we were wanting to leave ourselves) that I’ll be giving people lifts home. The last time was DH’s grandma’s 100th birthday party, and I wanted to leave at 9pm as I was shattered and the kids were playing up. But MIL told me I was having to be the one taking GrandMIL home and she didn’t want to leave so early at her 100th birthday party 😓 I was legit yawning every 5 seconds and glaring daggers at MIL because she just put it all on me once again. On Xmas day, MIL was professing very loudly that I am a “godsend” because I drive and don’t drink. So it’s just assumed I am forever the taxi driver now 😐

CoughLaughFart · 28/12/2018 18:54

On Xmas day, MIL was professing very loudly that I am a “godsend” because I drive and don’t drink. So it’s just assumed I am forever the taxi driver now 😐

Again, as an adult nothing is stopping you from saying otherwise.

MagicalUnicornPoo · 28/12/2018 19:04

It’s very awkward to do that when you’re the only sober person in a room full of drunk/tipsy people who are all DH’s family 🤷🏻‍♀️

WhatOnEarthDoIDoNow · 28/12/2018 19:06

I'd go with sorry 'no I won't be the taxi for you, I learnt how to drive for my own convenience not yours' when people are taking the mick expecting lifts, especially when it's inconvenient.

WhatOnEarthDoIDoNow · 28/12/2018 19:07

It's one of the phrases I'm memorising now before I start my lessons as I don't drink and my family will expect me to play the part of taxi driver.

Mummadeeze · 28/12/2018 19:10

I am scared of driving because I am terrible at it and nearly caused many accidents when I did drive. So I don’t. I never ask people for lifts anywhere though. I prefer taking public transport anyway.

FoxFoxSierra · 28/12/2018 19:38

I know very few pisstakers thankfully and they are pisstakers about other things too not just lifts. I really don't mind at all giving lifts as most people don't expect it all the time and will look for alternatives if it's not convenient for me. I have noticed a difference in expectations between people who can drive but don't have a car and people who have never driven, I had to explain to my ex that it was too much to expect me to make a 6 hour round trip to visit family and then go off to work and he still didn't understand that I would be knackered whereas my friend who lives in the city centre and sold her car didn't even consider asking for a lift to the train station when she came to stay because she thought I would be too tired

everythingisginandroses · 28/12/2018 19:46

I don't want to drive and I hate cars. I don't expect other people to chauffeur me around, having decided in my v early 20s that I would never live anywhere that would make me car-dependent, and tailoring out lifestyle and activities towards stuff we can walk to or use public transport. Having a car tends to turn people into lazy arses.

IdaBWells · 29/12/2018 08:52

Well I take my lazy arse to the gym in my car.

LiveSleepSnore · 29/12/2018 11:39

It's cheaper to walk to the shops and carry shopping home! 😆

Holidayshopping · 29/12/2018 11:53

But MIL told me I was having to be the one taking GrandMIL home and she didn’t want to leave so early at her 100th birthday party 😓 I was legit yawning every 5 seconds and glaring daggers at MIL because she just put it all on me once again. On Xmas day, MIL was professing very loudly that I am a “godsend” because I drive and don’t drink. So it’s just assumed I am forever the taxi driver now 😐

Well speak up and say no, then-there is nothing stopping you.

You: MIL-just to let you know we’ll be leaving at 9pm as I am knackered and need an early night.
MIL: but I wanted you to take x home.
You: Oh dear, no-I can’t do that. You have enough notice to find someone else though.

What’s the worst that can happen?

SnuggyBuggy · 29/12/2018 12:02

I think the real issue here isn't driving at all it's saying no to CFs

MagicalUnicornPoo · 29/12/2018 12:47

It’s difficult to refuse though when literally EVERYONE bar children are drinking heavily, so they can’t drive anyway. And because of her age she is vulnerable so doesn’t like getting taxis as she needs assistance getting in/out the car and into her living room and sat down in her chair with her panic button. Taxi drivers refuse to do that kind of stuff. There is another soirée tonight and I’ve already firmly told DH we are not staying late. So hopefully I don’t have to play Mrs taxi driver tonight 😂

InSightMars · 29/12/2018 13:32

When it’s made clear that a thread isn’t about non drivers who don’t take the piss getting lifts, why do so many rush in to proclaim they never take the piss? This is tiresome enough but we also have the ones who have to, well, drive the point home with “will no one think of the environment?” Just stop it with the sanctimonious twattery. What do you want? A gold star? NANDALT on a t-shirt? It’s not about you.

Holidayshopping · 29/12/2018 13:41

@MagicalUnicornPoo good for you!

Make sure you tell anyone you suspect might have already earmarked you for a lift home (MIL??!) that now!!

LiveSleepSnore · 29/12/2018 13:49

With the infirm relative someone needs to do the taxi with her then get themselves home. Mil?