Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS’s DP was rude about her gifts?

196 replies

Madcatmolly · 25/12/2018 21:45

DS1 and his DP are spending Xmas day with her family. DS2 and his wife and DGD were eager to meet up and exchange gifts with them as they wouldn’t be seeing them today.

Yesterday evening, everyone was at our house and we had a meal, a couple of drinks and exchanged gifts.

DGD(8) was in charge of getting the presents from under the tree and handing them out. It was a lovely gentle evening, everyone was in good form except for DS1’s DP. She refused to open her presents in front of us. She said she doesn’t do ‘performance present opening ‘

Was she BU? Or AIBU to expect her to open her gifts with us. I know DS2’s DW was very disappointed too as they had put a lot of thought into selecting something for her, as did me and DH.

I’m getting tired of her churlishness. DS1 loves her so much and she makes him happy but feckin hell, she is hard work. We haven’t had a text to acknowledge the presents, I don’t expect one either.

This is just one more example of how she interacts with DH and me. AIBU?

OP posts:
InspectorIkmen · 25/12/2018 21:48

doesn’t do performance present opening

Shock

Who even talks like that?

DS's DP or not - it would be the last time in my house. I can't stand rude and churlish behaviour at any time but even less so at Christmas

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/12/2018 21:48

My best friend has anxiety issues over various things. She finds public opening of gifts (by/from her) massively stressful. She’s fine it when forced but really hates it.

No need to be rude and not say thank you.

Ellieboolou27 · 25/12/2018 21:48

No not ur, it would make me feel uncomfortable, the only performance, is her making one out of nothing.

TheBaltictriangle · 25/12/2018 21:48

Spoilt brat, let's hope she doesn't become your dil and your son gets tired of her sulky behaviour. However, you must never say a word to him as that will draw him closer to her. Say nothing and hopefully he'll see the light and dump her for someone with better manners.

ItWasntMeItWasIm · 25/12/2018 21:48

I hate opening presents in front of people except really close family. Makes me feel awkward and I always think I sound so insincere when saying thank you even when I love the present.

NWQM · 25/12/2018 21:49

How rude & ungrateful of her just refusing to join in. I could kind of maybe had some sympathy if she felt strongly about opening on Christmas Day....well actually no even then I think you go with what the hosts want. We let our DC’s open some present early so the giver can see their reaction and enjoy them enjoying them.

SassitudeandSparkle · 25/12/2018 21:49

Perhaps she wanted to save them for Christmas Day? Difficult to say, she may not like an audience for this kind of thing or she could be a bit controlling - you seem to think the latter. But it may be something that her family doesn't do or in a much quieter way.

Your comments do make me think you were watching her closely and wanted to see her reaction - I can see why you'd want her to be pleased with her presents but the flipside is that she is very aware that your and your DIL are watching her reactions!

lastqueenofscotland · 25/12/2018 21:49

I never open presents in front of people and always wait till Christmas Day. I couldn’t get worked up about this.

joopy79 · 25/12/2018 21:50

It is rude, I love seeing people open gifts I have bought and if people send gifts for my son I try to photograph him playing with them so that they can see he is enjoying them.
She's basically saying that she doesn't want to fake liking her present, which is rude. Does she suffer from anxiety?

ItWasntMeItWasIm · 25/12/2018 21:51

And re the thank you - surely up to your ds1 too?

ChristmassyContessaConSparkles · 25/12/2018 21:51

Well she sounds delightful Hmm even if she does feel that way, there are kinder and more tactful ways to say it ("Thank you, I'm a bit superstitious about opening gifts before the day but am really looking forward to opening it tomorrow"). YANBU!

MrsJayy · 25/12/2018 21:51

She sounds an arse I couldn't be bothered with that nonsese however maybe the girl is shy or a drama queen either way don't feed it ignore her and move on.

Huntawaymama · 25/12/2018 21:53

My SIL always comes to pick gifts up before Christmas so she doesn't have to open in front of others, I've always found it weird and tbh rude. Last year she wasn't able to pick them up before hand and husband and I were interested to see how she'd behave in front of everyone but she just quietly put all her gifts to one side and took them home without opening them. This year she came and picked up her daughters present and I'd been so tempted to be out when she called as i love watching kids open presents and I'm disappointed she took them

JiltedJohnsJulie · 25/12/2018 21:53

She may dislike “performance present opening” but I dislike ill mannered people even more.

What even is performance present opening anyway?

Bet your DS1 is having an absolute blast with her family. Hopefully it might make him realise that she is very little fun.

MorningsEleven · 25/12/2018 21:53

She's rude. Bit tricky when she's your son's partner and you can't punt her out of the door. Bet everyone else thinks she's a pain in the arse.

TinselandToblerones · 25/12/2018 21:54

I see two separate issues here.

I dont think she was unreasonable to not want to open the gifts in front of everyone. I hate doing that, it makes me very anxious.

She was very unreasonable to not say thank you the next day though

Celebelly · 25/12/2018 21:55

Rude. Should have taken the gifts back and said 'Oh our mistake, we don't give to ungrateful harpies'.

If she does have actual anxiety about opening gifts, she certainly doesn't seem to have any anxiety about being rude to people.

MirriVan · 25/12/2018 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePinkOcelot · 25/12/2018 21:57

I hate opening presents in front of people, but I do anyway. She was really rude. I hope your son gets sick of her soon!

Moussemoose · 25/12/2018 21:57

I don't like opening one present at a time and everyone looking for a reaction.

BUT if I was at someone's house and that is what was being done I would get on with it because that is what you do. Good manners pure and simple.

Behave!

wictional · 25/12/2018 21:58

*I see two separate issues here.

I dont think she was unreasonable to not want to open the gifts in front of everyone. I hate doing that, it makes me very anxious.

She was very unreasonable to not say thank you the next day though*

This

Youvebeenmuffled · 25/12/2018 21:59

I also hate opening gifts infront of people, DPs family go round one by one and everyone watches the opener. It makes me feel so sick. Not so bad if it isn’t so structured but to have a room full of people watching is horrid

RuggerHug · 25/12/2018 22:00

Yeah that's just looking for attention/being a brat. Would have taken no effort to say 'Oh thank you but if you don't mind I prefer to keep them for the day, that X you got from your DGPs is lovely DN, show me how it works' (for a toy or whatever).

katekat383 · 25/12/2018 22:00

It’s rude.

ToffeePennie · 25/12/2018 22:01

She should have phrased it better and put a thank you in there, but I get it.
I massively hate opening gifts in front of people, I’m a part time actress and even the most genuine, sincere thanks and gratitude just don’t sound sincere. However, rather than saying anything, I will either quietly put my gifts aside and bean dip, or I will speak to the hostess and just explain that I like to open my gifts in private due to anxieties. And always, always follow up with a thank you!