To think DS’s DP was rude about her gifts?

[Madcatmolly]

DS1 and his DP are spending Xmas day with her family. DS2 and his wife and DGD were eager to meet up and exchange gifts with them as they wouldn’t be seeing them today.

Yesterday evening, everyone was at our house and we had a meal, a couple of drinks and exchanged gifts.

DGD(8) was in charge of getting the presents from under the tree and handing them out. It was a lovely gentle evening, everyone was in good form except for DS1’s DP. She refused to open her presents in front of us. She said she doesn’t do ‘performance present opening ‘

Was she BU? Or AIBU to expect her to open her gifts with us. I know DS2’s DW was very disappointed too as they had put a lot of thought into selecting something for her, as did me and DH.

I’m getting tired of her churlishness. DS1 loves her so much and she makes him happy but feckin hell, she is hard work. We haven’t had a text to acknowledge the presents, I don’t expect one either.

This is just one more example of how she interacts with DH and me. AIBU?

So if the rules are say what you think should the OP say what she thinks?

No the OP smiled and said something polite.

Whether or not your natural instinct is to wait until Christmas day, or to prefer to hide away to open presents or whatever, when you are joining another family for any sort of social gathering, then you make an effort to go along with what they are doing - it is just good manners

If it were me and this was the case then I’d rather not go, which would probably cause more self righteousness from people like the OP.

I have horrible anxiety over this (and I’ve had it more than 10 years ) not so much a ‘performance’ but being the centre of attention for a even just a few seconds (it’s why I will never get married) but luckily DPs family accept me for who I am and are happy for me to take my gifts home to open in private.

Well we all know you smile at someone's face and bitch behind their backs.

Isn't that the point of being English?

(And yes I know not everyone on MN is English)

Depends, if presents where sexy lingerie and sex toys I can see her issue.

@MirriVan Have you got issues?

Mumsnet is the best place to come and vent about stuff. It’s why God invented anonymous Internet forums.

Bloody hell, I'm shy and sometimes feel self conscious opening presents and trying to look keen but only because I want to make sure I look grateful if the person has put lots of effort in. This woman sounds like she's just a stick in the mud for the sake of it! Why can't she thank everyone by text at least when she has deigned to open them at home?

"Thanks for the vibrator MiL. Could you get me a bigger one next time?"

*No the OP smiled and said something polite
Then bitched about it on the internet *

Which is better than having a giant sulk about it at the time and ruining everyone's nice evening in the process. If you literally have to say everything that comes into your head out loud you must lack self restraint!

"Nipple clamps! My favourite how did you know MiL?"

I'm going to bed now.

Some people don't like to open presents in front of other people. I'm fine with that.

Get out there and FUCK SOME SHIT UP!!!

I love you @MirriVan New favorite poster. I will channel you when DD needs advice. She is neither going to be a good girl nor a nice girl. She is an awesome girl though.

Maybe you give terrible gifts and she feels she won’t be able to put on a good show of gratitude for whatever it is you bought?

I love my in laws and they try to buy things we will like but they always get it so very wrong and I can’t get the response right (in my family it would be acceptable to say thank you but did you get a gift receipt, it really wouldn’t in theirs).

At Xmas My in-laws take all the gifts and hand them out so everyone has one big heap that they open all at the same time. I really hate it. I dont get to see anyone open the gifts I brought and i dont really get an opportunity to look at the gift I've recieved becuase I've got a huge pile and mil is breathing down my neck expecting me to open them. I find the whole thing really grabby and it feels like feeding time at the zoo. I told dh i didnt like it and tried to keep my gifts for later but mil wouldn't have it. Now we don't spend Xmas with them . YABVU

I don't think she was rude and I don't agree you should just slot in with family traditions. Why make yourself uncomfortable to keep other people happy?!

*I dont think she was unreasonable to not want to open the gifts in front of everyone. I hate doing that, it makes me very anxious.

She was very unreasonable to not say thank you the next day though*

She was also unreasonable (in fact downright rude) to phrase the way she did. Not "I'm sorry but I get really anxious opening presents in front of people", but "I don't do performance present opening", ie "You are being totally unreasonable".

Why make yourself uncomfortable to keep other people happy?! Because sometimes other people are making themselves uncomfortable to keep you happy. It's how we get on with each other as a society.

I agree with Mirrivan, group present opening can be excruciating and the weight of expectations from the givers can be very unpleasant and uncomfortable.

OP, change the tradition. Excuse non-family members - and family members who don't enjoy this - from the exercise. That way, you'll have the full force of appreciative giftees and the appreciation of those who aren't forced to participate if they don't enjoy the spectacle.

It does seem as if so many of us have visions of a familial pantomime at Christmas almost, and it's exhausting for many. At the very least, talk to people beforehand about what your plans and wishes are so that everybody knows and those who want to give it a miss, can do that.

Oh and on the anonymity here, it's not really anonymous and everybody knows that, so it's a bit of a dig, isn't it? That and that you can get many posters to weigh in with their own jibes about this woman that you don't like much. Be authentic at least.

... and the 'performance present-opening' makes me think that she's very much a Mumsnetter!

I can see how this would be rude especially if she has form but I know that I hate opening gifts in front of people at Christmas. I do it because I wouldn't dream of being rude but I find it excruciating 😖

Well, I would at least ask ds if she liked her presents, and mention that it was a shame she wouldn't open them at the time like everyone else, leaving the way open for him to mention if she does have an actual reason for not doing so.

If you just weave it into a normal conversation with him, without making an issue of it, and are gentle about it.