To think DS’s DP was rude about her gifts?

[Madcatmolly]

DS1 and his DP are spending Xmas day with her family. DS2 and his wife and DGD were eager to meet up and exchange gifts with them as they wouldn’t be seeing them today.

Yesterday evening, everyone was at our house and we had a meal, a couple of drinks and exchanged gifts.

DGD(8) was in charge of getting the presents from under the tree and handing them out. It was a lovely gentle evening, everyone was in good form except for DS1’s DP. She refused to open her presents in front of us. She said she doesn’t do ‘performance present opening ‘

Was she BU? Or AIBU to expect her to open her gifts with us. I know DS2’s DW was very disappointed too as they had put a lot of thought into selecting something for her, as did me and DH.

I’m getting tired of her churlishness. DS1 loves her so much and she makes him happy but feckin hell, she is hard work. We haven’t had a text to acknowledge the presents, I don’t expect one either.

This is just one more example of how she interacts with DH and me. AIBU?

We’re all different. How does anyone know how she was feeling except her?
Saying someone who sounds troubled is being ridiculous as it doesn’t conform to your viewpoint is wrong.

Performance present opening? What a snooty prick.

Namechange, we're all different yet we are all largely the same. Unless there is a behavioural or medical issue we all get social etiquette and can "behave" well in social settings.

Being different is not an excuse to behave rudely or in a non sociable manner.

That's the thing with "society". You have to get along with others. With people who are different to you. It requires compromise and choosing your battles carefully. It cannot all be me, me, me and only what I want and how I feel.

My autistic daughter finds present opening really hard in front of others. She would never be rude though, and always very grateful for what she had received. Such is her upbringing!

I would have interpreted the phrase ‘performance present opening’ as an attempt to bring some humour to the conversation. Especially as it will undoubtedly have come after several attempts to get her to basically perform present opening for everyone.

And she definitely knows you don’t like her. Do not delude yourself that you somehow keep this from her and your DS2.

You could just be pleased that your DS and his partner are keen to actually see you at Christmas and stop worrying if his partner doesn’t want to join in with some particular aspect of it.

I would have interpreted the phrase ‘performance present opening’ as an attempt to bring some humour to the conversation

Of course, why on earth did NO ONE pick up on that til now?

So 8 pages in and we are ALL wrong for not getting the 'obvious' joke but you are the only one who did 😂

Well yes. It would be absurd to offer an alternative perspective on a thread. Much better to repeat what the previous poster has said ad nauseum.

And I didn’t say it was an obvious joke. I said I’d be inclined to interpret that as an attempt to use humour to get out of an awkward situation. Especially given how little information the OP has given about how the phrase came to be used (and the fact that she openly dislikes the partner and clearly wants everyone to agree that she is just dreadful).

But I guess it’s much, much better to froth about how rude the woman was than to maybe think about reasons (beyond anxiety - which lots of people have covered) that someone might use a phrase like that.

In any case, if it were an attempt to use humour to try to get out of an awkward situation, it clearly didn’t work. That does sometimes happen, especially when socialising with people who just don’t share your sense of humour.

Please.

She should have texted to say thank you for the present afterwards whatever crazy theory people insist on coming up with for her "performance" phrasing at the time.

@TwiceMagic I wasn't referring to your post. I was referring to the post above my own was shocked at how nobody had picked up on it yet.

Which was shocked*

I should have tagged them!

@mirialis maybe she said thanks at the time.

And, of course, on Christmas Day both the son and his partner may have still been feeling weird about how his mother (who they definitely know dislikes the partner) was clearly annoyed at her.

Or they might have been busy with her family on Christmas Day (when the OP posted) and planning to phone her the next day to say thanks. But she got irate and posted on MN about her son’s ‘difficult’ partner first.

All sorts of possibilities - that aren’t far fetched.

Come on. Stop tying yourself in knots - it's silly.

If you open the gift at the time, you say thanks at the time.

If you insist on opening it at a later date, you say thanks at a later date.

That later date might have been Boxing Day though. Because the DS and his partner were busy on Christmas Day.

That’s not knot tying. It’s a fairly straightforward explanation. However it does allow MN-style frothing about rudeness.

I think TwiceMagics interpretation is perfectly plausible.

I agree with the op who said to never let DS1 know what I think about her. DH and I both think we should smile and nod and hold our counsel

I very much doubt she is unaware of what the OP thinks of her. The OP only posted twice and her dislike of this woman came across loud and clear.

I also think bits of the opening post don't ring true /are a bit laboured/over- egged. DS2 and his wife and DGD were eager to meet up and exchange gifts with them as they wouldn’t be seeing them today and the stuff about 1 son's wife putting so much thought into the present for the other son's girlfriend.

*I would have interpreted the phrase ‘performance present opening’ as an attempt to bring some humour to the conversation

Of course, why on earth did NO ONE pick up on that til now?*

Tbh to me it did sound like a jokey remark

I suppose it could have been an attempt at humour that fell flat. People do sometimes resort to attempts at humour when they're feeling embarrassed. She may well have found all the fuss about presents to be somewhat OTT and not known how to respond to it.

I actually don't get all the fuss about presents for adults. I do exchange presents with my DSis and DBIL and DM, but no one thinks all that much about them. It's mainly about the DC these days.

I also hate opening presents in front of people. I have some mild anxiety issues and end up over thinking if I have acted grateful enough. I always open the gifts and say thank you but I hate the pressure of everyone watching and waiting for a reaction.

E.g. this year my MIL bought us a window cleaning thingy as a joint gift. Very practical and I appreciate it. I let my DH open it and had absolutely zero idea what it was. She told me and said that she thought we both wanted it but maybe it was just DH that did, I smiled and said in honesty I wouldn't have had a clue what it was if I opened it but thank you for getting it for us. However, as I am tired from not sleeping well of late and feeling a bit rough, I probably didn't say this in my bubbliest of voices. So I was worrying about it a lot later!
Now that I've said this, I might send another thank you text for good measure, as it has prompted DH to clean all of the windows