To feel bad about presents I gave dd1?

[Marg0tt]

Yawn- another Christmas thread I know. But I’m just thinking about whether I’m wrong to feel guilty about the presents I gave my 16 year old dd. She got some nice shampoo, a weekly wall planner whiteboard thing, some highlight drops (make up) and two items of clothing (a jumper and dress) which although she acted thankful for, I can tell she wasn’t keen on. She’s been very grateful and I cannot fault her but I feel like the gifts were a let down- especially as her younger sister got more

Sounds about normal for a 16 year old, don't feel guilty. Maybe offer to take her shopping in the sales for a bit tomorrow?

Why did her sister get more?

Maybe arrange a time with her she can exchange the clothes and give her some cash to add to it. Are you on a tight budget? Why did you get more for her sister? X

I personally don't get why because she is 16 you bought her less than her siblings or am I reading it wrong?

What was the reasoning behind giving one more than the other?

I didn’t intentionally buy her sister more- she’s 10 and so it appeared to be more as the items were of lower values and because it is easier to shop for her I ended up buying more accidentally

I'd never buy my 16 year old clothes unless they had directed me to the clothes they wanted. That said, it's a day.. just one day.. and it doesn't really matter.

Don’t think a 16 yo would appreciate shampoo really. That should be a basic surely? Also, why did she have less?

If that was due to budget it's fine?

I think you’ll have to make this right OP. Shampoo, a white board and two items of clothing aren’t the best presents tbh. I don’t think you put much thought into it, were you struggling for time? Or stressed?

I would offer to swap the clothes for clothes that she likes
Shampoo should not be an Xmas gift.
Next year or at her birthday tell her what your budget is and ask her what she wants. It’s fine if this is £10 or £100.

We’re not in the position to spend a lot but don’t necessarily have to scrimp either. I did start late and have been distracted due to work. I feel awful now, especially as she’s been so lovely the whole day

Eh what? Kids starving etc. She got nice presents, she's loved, there is absolutely no issue here. World gone mad.

I would ask her what she wants or give her cash. I wouldn't buy clothes for Christmas unless they are something she has chosen.

I did start late and have been distracted due to work.

Very easy for that to happen. But shampoo and clothes are a little meh. The great thing about it is that you can return the clothes and take her shopping in the sales for more things that she would like more for the same money.

She sounds great though. You're doing something right!

I would say all that to her. Suggest you go shopping in the new year to swap the clothes and spend some time together

She’s been lovely, because she is great and you are a great Mum.

I had that moment today too, of feeling dd1s presents were not as good as dd2s, but you know what I spent the same and I will get her something she really wants when I can afford it.

If she's been lovely the whole day,in spite of (possibly) being disappointed then you should be proud of her
If the issue was you being a bit disorganised rather than that really being the absolute maximum you could afford, at 16 I'd actually talk to her tomorrow,tell her that,tell her you are pleased with how she behaved,and get a supplementary present she'd like.
(To me shampoo isn't a Christmas or birthday present thing,except maybe as a secret Santa, but I may be misjudging what other people wouldn joy!)

Shampoo, clothes and a wall planner are pretty mundane gifts tbf.

It’s not necessarily the amount of money spent on gifts but putting in the effort to getting the person gifts that they’d love and fit their likes and interests.

Take her sale shopping tomorrow. Return the clothes and let her pick something and add some money then have nice girlie lunch and perhaps movie in the afternoon

You managed to get your younger child more though? I'm confused?

Being honest, I'd be quite disappointed with that. But I think if you explain all that you have here and offer to make it up to her then it'll be fine.

It sounds as though you have a very mature daughter OP judging by what you’ve said of her behaviour. Make sure you get some time alone with her to give her a big hug and tell her how proud you are of her. Give her permission to change the clothing items for something different if there’s something else she’d prefer and you won’t be offended by her decision.

Take her to the sales and giver her a budget. One on one girls day out sounds lovely.

It's one day OP. It really doesn't matter.

If you think she was disappointed you could explain to her that you spent the same amount as her sister but hers was better quality / branded / more expensive so the physical gifts were less?

Don't say that if it's not true though. My parents tried that once and it was blatantly not true and made me feel worse that they were lying to me.

Obviously don't tell her you were too busy or left it too late even if that is the reason.

If she doesn't like the clothes, offer to take her to swop them (and if the budget allows, maybe treat her to something else when you do).

Did she ask for anything specific that was within budget and possible?