To feel bad about presents I gave dd1?

[Marg0tt]

Yawn- another Christmas thread I know. But I’m just thinking about whether I’m wrong to feel guilty about the presents I gave my 16 year old dd. She got some nice shampoo, a weekly wall planner whiteboard thing, some highlight drops (make up) and two items of clothing (a jumper and dress) which although she acted thankful for, I can tell she wasn’t keen on. She’s been very grateful and I cannot fault her but I feel like the gifts were a let down- especially as her younger sister got more

I don't see anything especially wrong in the shampoo, especially if was a brand she particularly likes that would be seen as more of a luxury. No different really to having smellies.
I can see how clothes could be tricky unless she has told you which ones she wants first.
I can also see how if can be easy to get more smaller things for a slightly younger one do it looks more.
I would be tempted to have a chat and ask her if she wants to keep or change the clothes and maybe do some holy shopping/ nook yo have nails done or what ever she will like.

Shampoo for Christmas? what every 16 year old must dream of.

I’d just explain to her that her younger sister stuff cost more and that’s why she had more to unwrap? I remember my parents saying that to me and offer to let the girl change the item of clothing to something more her taste

So no treats/chocolate/stocking?

I loved getting clothes at that age. The shampoo is a bit random though.

Give her some cash so she can buy what she wants.

Style it out and tell her you're planned on taking her shopping in the sales so she can choose what she likes.

Unfortunate but hay ho we all make mistakes, but I’ve learnt through previous experience to not deviate from the Christmas list I’ve been given and clothes is a definite no no to buy for my 16 year old unless she has pointed out a specific item that I can’t get wrong.

In OPs defence, I would have actually quite liked some fancy shampoo at that age. I'm not into smellies particularly but would have liked some posh hair stuff.

My DD is 21 and insisted on knowing how much the shampoo and conditioner I'd bought as two of her presents were, as she realised they were much more expensive than she usually buys. She was really pleased, but not as delighted as she was with the large packet of Dettol antibacterial wipes!!

People are different. DD likes useful gifts, and prefers to buy her own clothes, especially as she gets student discount.

Also echo what others have said about how you're obviously doing sonething right that she acted so lovely even if she was (possibly) disappointed.

I wish I could take her to the sales tomorrow but have to go back to work. Will take her next weekend though. The thing is she doesn’t ask for anything and so I don’t know what to get her. As well as me being, admittedly, thoughtless this year

because it is easier to shop for her I ended up buying more accidentally

Oh your poor DD1.

I’m writing as a DD1 whose mother found her DD2 “easier” all round. Children sense this sort of thing. Take your DD1 shopping and let her choose something special. Her presents sound a bit, well, dreary and sensible. Give her some fun.

Sadly she probably feels you favour her sister 😞

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with expensive shampoo if it’s something she actually uses. When I was 16 basic toiletries were something that my parents paid for, but if I wanted anything exciting or in particular I was expected to buy it myself. When I get my hair cut they always try and push shampoo on me that’s about £14 a bottle, I would consider that I nice present if it was something I’d expressed an interest in!

That does sound a bit crap but it's sounds like you've done pretty great with her generally and everybody is allowed to get get it wrong once in a while.

I would go give her a hug and apologise though. And promise her a wee day out

I was the 'difficult to buy for' child. Sibling had a long list of crap they wanted. I got cash, saved some, then could buy what I wanted with no pressure of a deadline looming.

I have 1 child that I find easier to buy for and she’s very easy to please
But I always make sure the ones old enough to notice have the same amount of presents to open, it’s just blatantly unfair otherwise
One of mine ended up with a gift card in a box with tissue paper because I was stumped for what else to get him but I couldn’t have him have 1 less (even though they never count and he wouldn’t notice)

Maybe you could get her something else and “find” it hidden a bit too well at the back of the wardrobe in a couple of days??

I give my teens a budget and they fill their baskets up online and I pay! Much easier that guessing

Santa buys extra little surprises - they did both get shampoo but they like fancy stuff (dd1 likes that purple shampoo) and it was in their stocking

Why shouldn't shampoo be a gift?! I'd love a decent shampoo...better than the 99p stuff I can afford to buy myself and the kids week in week out! If it was a treat or more expensive one then I'd usually have, I'd of loved it!! Rather that than more random chocolate.

As it happens my kids also got new bedding, toothbrushes, swimming towels, and socks....I imagine many people will say they're basics which shouldn't be given at Christmas but they are things they needed and bulked up the Santa pile, and most importantly they were happy and grateful for them. Each to their own.

I do try and make my two have roughly equal value and sized gifts though, but it's not about value and quantity, just fairness.

I think those are fine gifts :) maybe should have tried to make the number of gifts more equal for next time though

I understand it. 2 of my dd3's tat toys equaled the same as my dd9's one dress. But same amount of presents is important in this house. Your daughter sounds lovely, treat her to an outfit she wants maybe?

My mum sometimes buys me ‘hairdresser shampoo’ and it’s a lovely treat.
I have a 16 year old too. Can you give her some money to go to say Nando’s with her friends, if you have to go back to work? Or some cash to go sales shopping?
She sounds lovely!

The good thing here is that you recognized the problem, feel bad about it and are trying to find a way to make it right.

A parent putting their hands up, showing they are only human and have messed up can actually mean a lot to a teenager.

The op hasn’t actually said it was expensive shampoo though, to all the people saying that is a good gift . Op she sounds lovely and you sound well intentioned. It does seem all a bit mundane, nothing fun, nothing to do, nothing to engage her interest. If you can take her sale shopping that would be great, otherwise just remember next year and think a bit more creatively about what might be fun/special for her.

Shampoo, wall planner and clothes not to her taste plus less than her sister, she's being very mature they would appear to anyone as last minute grabbed gifts. Bar the makeup, those are all essential items that parents buy anyway.

I'd let her exchange the clothes for something she likes and take her shopping to make it equal to her younger sister, Resentment quickly grows with things like this.