To feel bad about presents I gave dd1?

[Marg0tt]

Yawn- another Christmas thread I know. But I’m just thinking about whether I’m wrong to feel guilty about the presents I gave my 16 year old dd. She got some nice shampoo, a weekly wall planner whiteboard thing, some highlight drops (make up) and two items of clothing (a jumper and dress) which although she acted thankful for, I can tell she wasn’t keen on. She’s been very grateful and I cannot fault her but I feel like the gifts were a let down- especially as her younger sister got more

Thing is the "ran out of time" excuse wouldn't wash with me if i saw my sibling had lots of thought out presents, there is lots you could buy a 16 year old girl imo

wemarchon I don’t mean this aggressively at all but what could I have bought her? I really don’t know and I just want to hear your ideas

I would offer her a shopping trip and however much cash you think appropriate/can afford to get herself something. All the suggestions you have had to make this 'right' are good.

You can also give the money as a gift card which can be used in pretty much all the shops.

I have done a personalized one before with their photo on it.

I think one personalized gift (mug even!) which shows you really know what they are into counts for a lot.

I am a crap gift buyer so I feel your pain, but I have pushed myself a bit over the years to think what they really are into/like and get something related to that, or brand if clothing (which it rarely is, mine aren't into that type of clothes).

My dd is 15 and I got her
Books
Watercolours paints
A netball ring
A cushion for her bedroom

I agree, sixteen year old girls are easy to buy for. Shampoo and a whiteboard would never have entered my head for that age range.

How can you not know what's she's into?

@Marg0tt fluffy throw, slippers, PJ's, scarf, purse, phone case, lip gloss, make up, make up brushes, hair brush, hair dryer, hair straighteners, hair bands, face masks, costa/starbucks voucher, mug with hot chocolate sachets, pandora ring, watch, Amazon Echo, cinema voucher, books, perfume, lots!!

why would random strangers on the internet have a better idea of what to buy your daughter than her own mum? There's nothing wrong with those presents but they are all very generic - just one step up from socks, the sort of thing that an aunt she sees once a year might get.

She might not have asked you for anything but surely you know what sort of things she is interested in? E.g if she's girly, buy her a more expensive make up brand than the stuff she usually gets as a treat, or an ASOS voucher. If she likes films, get a netflix subscription or cinema pass. Into music, get a deezer/other app subscription or itunes voucher. If she likes reading look at the top young adult books on amazon/buy some of the endless HP stuff in primark. If she likes anime/fantasy get her comics or a pop!vinyl doll of her favourite character or a new xbox game or drawing materials... whatever she likes! You know, like how you did for her younger sister...

Also fun little things - mini string lights, harry potter socks, earrings, candles, (adult) colouring book, nail varnish, nice mug with hot chocolate, lush bath stuff, a trash journal, nandos giftguard, fun game like cards against humanity (maybe something slightly less adult one)etc....

Fair enough if you've been busy but you could have bought stuff throughout the year, or any of the above online up to the last week....

My 17 year old got an electric toothbrush , a jacket (that he had previously chosen & I wrapped up) and cash. Plus some small jokey bits in his stocking. I think it is very hard to buy for teenagers if they don’t give specific suggestions. Mine has actually said, politely, please don’t buy me any ‘surprises’.

I’m usually pretty pleased that anyone has thought to give me anything. But at 16, it’s not too much to expect that your parents have some idea of your interests. Some thought about a present for someone as close to you as your own child is important I think - it symbolises love and indicates that the giver was thinking just of the person they were giving the present to.

I’m an aunt, and I never give generic “aunt” presents like socks. I take a bit of trouble. Not to do that for your own daughter - well, she’s obviously got used to it and wasn’t expecting much which is why she’s being gracious and well-mannered about it.

A voucher for a clothes shop she likes might have been better than picking out clothing for her. More makeup from the brand she specified (Jeffrey Star? Urban Decay? Kat Von D?) Most brands do a nice neutral eye palette now.

It's not too hard to get present ideas just from the things your children already own.

It's a difficult age to buy for. Talk to her tomorrow. Say you sensed she was disappointed in her presents and tell her you really struggled with ideas. And that you'll gladly take her clothes shopping as soon as you can.

My daughter's a bit younger - just 13, but can be tricky to buy for. While she doesn't believe anymore, she still plays along (mainly for my benefit, I suspect), and we get her (jokingly, but she does it) to write a Christmas list to give ideas of what she would like (she knows not to expect everything on it). This year, it was an A4 sheet and included things like art and stationery 'stuff', particular brand schoolbag and trainers, 3 books from a series she had read the 1st of, handwarmers, dressing gown, scented candle, make-up, harry potter mug and a 'mermaid blanket'. I'm not sure I would have had much idea about most of that if she hadn't, and she was really happy with the presents she received.

Really nice stationery and notebooks
Costume jewellery
Vouchers
Novelty phone cases
Make up and brushes
Vouchers
Nice stuff for her bedroom
Mirrors and photo frames
Bags
Hairdryer or straighteners

If you are concerned that she doesn't really like the clothes, then I would say to her "if you'd rather swap the jumper/dress for different ones, that's fine - I've got the receipts, either we can go out together or you can do it on your own - I just want you to have something you'd really like and will wear"

That way she can still be grateful but if the clothes aren't entirely to her taste, she has the option to get something that is more her style.

Lots you could have bought her. You know your daughter more than strangers on the internet. The stuff you got her sounds ok, but not really enough, but then I suppose it depends how much you normally give. It does sound disappointing for a 16 year old though.

She’s been lovely, because she is great and you are a great Mum.

This. Love this comment. (I haven’t learnt how to do the tag thing so can’t credit the poster - someone please explain!).

Similar my end, youngest child always looks like they get more because of the tat. You could make her a little card that says ‘special day with mum’ and give it to her tomorrow. I wouldn’t even say beacause she got less, just because she was so great today. She’ll likely know that her things cost more.

Maybe tell her you feel so proud if how she's growing up and ask her to a mum dare with you nandos and a girly movie. I know my 16 year old loves a bit of me and her time she won't remember the gifts in ten yrs but she will remember the time you spent together xx

Date not dare sorry

I don’t think it’s fair that her younger sister got more. If anything the 16 year old should have got more

Really? Why?

Ds3 got far ‘more’ (in terms of size/appearance) than ds1 and 2 because he’s far younger. He had less than half the amount spent on him that ds1 and 2 had each though!

16 year old girls can have loads. Headphones, games, cushions and throws for bedroom, dressing gown, pjs, makeup, smellies, hair accessories and hair tools, metal detector, stationary, arts and crafts things, jewellery...

Take her out and give her some cash.
She sounds great btw.

I don't think it's a difficult age to buy for you could have got her
Nice new Pj's
Slipper socks or funny slippers
Make-up
Headphones
Books
A magazine subscription
Some nice perfume
Stuff for her nails
Stuff for a hobby
Some nice bits for her room
A new bag/purse or backpack
You can buy gift cards for cinema's,coffee shops,dessert places,milkshake bars,multi gift cards(that you can use in lots of different shops)gift cards that you can use online for games or music,gift cards for hairdresssers/beautician's/nail bars.
A camera
A tablet
A new phone
A nice piece of jewellery
A pair of trainers/shoes or boots she had chosen.
Some bath bombs and face masks.

There is so much choice out there now,we have 5DC,3 DS's and 2DD's and so far I've managed to get them different bits every year,I usually do a few bits that they need,some things they can wear,some things they can eat,some things they can drink(the food and drink thinks are usually unusual or expensive)some things they can use and they usually get at least one piece of equipment each year,weather it's a games console,a phone,headphones,tablet,laptop,camera,a musical instrument ect.

With my oldest DC I just usually listen to what they talk to me about,new music,clothes,electronic thing that they're into and I check out what they're sharing on social media now and again(they all have me on they're accounts I'm not being sneaky)and I ask the other DC if there's anything each other as mentioned that they think they're brother or sister would like.

I think like PP's have suggested set up a nice day out for just the two of you but don't sell it as an after thought tell her it's one of her Christmas presents,I would have loved that at her age and I know it's something all 5 of our DC love a bit of time on they're own with mum or dad.

I find this post a bit sad actually. I’d give anything to have a daughter and one who’s lovely! You are an incredibly lucky lady. If I had a daughter I’d be shopping throughout the year and storing bits up. Get amazon prime. You could be getting bits during your lunch break or at weekends. Every time I saw a little something I think she’d like I’d get it (key ring, stationery, slippers etc) and store it away for Xmas. You really are very lucky and should make more of being able to do things like that.

As my children grew older instead of writing to Santa I started getting them to write me a wish list. We have wish list day on Dec 6th every year. I make Christmas cupcakes or gingerbread people and they give me a lovely neatly written list of things they would love to get. It's a nice family tradition now. Makes shopping for teenagers easier. It also means they still get surprises on Christmas day as obviously they won't know which things I will buy off the list.