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Original poster

To feel bad about presents I gave dd1?

335 replies

Marg0tt · 25/12/2018 19:48

Yawn- another Christmas thread I know. But I’m just thinking about whether I’m wrong to feel guilty about the presents I gave my 16 year old dd. She got some nice shampoo, a weekly wall planner whiteboard thing, some highlight drops (make up) and two items of clothing (a jumper and dress) which although she acted thankful for, I can tell she wasn’t keen on. She’s been very grateful and I cannot fault her but I feel like the gifts were a let down- especially as her younger sister got more

OP posts:
BettyBooper · 27/12/2018 22:37

Cromercrab - er no, not a daft post (your patronising tone is noted btw).
You may well not have given your child much on Christmas Day but did give us an Extra Long Post about all the things you gave them in advance. Including the cost. In detail. Confused
I get you though. I gave my kid a yaught back in November, so could only afford a tangerine on Christmas Day. I was so shamefaced....

Cromercrab · 27/12/2018 22:38

My - not particularly profound - point was that I find adolescent children hard to buy for, not least because they have very definite ideas about what they want and the timing of those things coming to market doesn't necessarily coincide with Christmas. So it's perfectly possible to be generous gift-givers (as I think we are) AND present your children with a rather crap under-the-tree offer on the day. As was the case this year in our household. Maybe the OP finds her 16 year old hard to buy for?

Cromercrab · 27/12/2018 22:46

Betty - do you mean 'yacht'? I think you do. How'd you like that for tone, eh?

I"m a details person, especially about budgets. Those people who have posted criticising the OP on the grounds that they would have given at least those gifts plus a 'chunk' of cash - well, how much cash? what counts as enough? Some people have listed items that must come to more than £600. That's more than I have ever spent at Christmas.

BettyBooper · 27/12/2018 22:53

Well I'd say, in tone, it was patronising. Cheers for correcting my spelling though. Much appreciated 😋

perfectstorm · 28/12/2018 00:41

I would always, always, always give teenagers money. A nice box of chocs or some very fancy shampoo/shower gel (Origins if the budget is there, or something not Boots available if not) as a filler, but the main event would be money. That way, they can choose exactly what they want.

EdtheBear · 28/12/2018 07:32

Op you seem to have rectified the situation. Teens are tough to buy for.
One thing I think we can all agree on is no teen is going to appreciate second hand Paw Patrol toys.Grin Not sure why Londons boast of how frugal she managed Christmas actually is.

Most teens seem want clothing or phones/ tablets. Don't think many would appreciate second hand clothes for Christmas.

Diamondsandjems · 28/12/2018 09:03

Different people have different ideas of fairness I think. For example you could spend loads of money on one child and hardly any in the other but the amount present piles are the same size to me that’s not fair but to someone else that’s how they roll. I give my 2 x older children (17 and 18) cash before Xmas so they can get what they want. This year my son bought a number plate for his car and daughter had loads of clothes from primark so on. I did buy a few extras and a stocking but I think that’s fair however sons pile was so much smaller than daughters.

Sb74 · 28/12/2018 11:10

It does sound a bit of a poor show tbh. I got a lot more than that as an adult!! We get carried away and my kids get loads so maybe the amount is ok to some people but sounds like not much at all to me (we do support charities to help families with Christmas presents so we are grateful for what we receive). I think the shopping trip idea is the best way forward. £100 or so budget to spend. I think you’re lucky to have such a nice daughter as I think a lot of 16 year old girls would have not hidden their upset as much.

Mumofferalboys · 28/12/2018 11:19

Well my kids got nothing as we didn’t even celebrate it! Haha!! I’m sure they will be scared for life.

FishCanFly · 28/12/2018 11:28

its fairly normal that older kids get less things. Teenagers aren't very big on toys and stationeries.

BootsMagoots · 28/12/2018 11:33

She sounds like she has been very gracious but I really feel for her. She probably feels like an after thought. Especially given her siblings got more. She sounds very grown up though and her behaviour is something you should be proud of.

EdtheBear · 28/12/2018 11:54

Diamond I think if you have 2 children of similar ages (less than 3 year gap) it certainly makes logical sense to be 'fair' by spending same amount.

When you have a bigger gap it becomes more difficult. The things they want and need vary in price.

If you buy 2 kids trainers ones £70 still in kids sizes, ones £120 in adult sizes. Whats fair they both get trainers or they get same money spent??

Sb74 · 28/12/2018 12:30

I think regardless of what the younger child received, even if the 16 year old received those presents without a comparison, it’s not good. They should have just extra presents. It’s not necessarily about money, it’s about thought. And 16 is still a kid in my eyes and needs to feel that thought. I think unless OP is in a situation if poverty there was no excuse for the presents given to the 16 year old. It is a sensitive age. I am very busy in my job but still took the time to buy my family suitable presents. A lot was on-line, which surely helps any busy parent? I think all you can do is learn from this mistake and do better next time!!

expatmigrant · 28/12/2018 12:55

Sounds like you're getting g a bit of flak for not really being very thoughtful towards your eldest. TBH I have a DD and I could buy for her all day and literally have to stop myself.
Shampoo? Really? How about some nice shower gel and other stuff from the Bodyshop. Jewellery, cute underwear, some nice perfume makeup (if she's in to that). Something nice to wear from a shop that she might usually not afford. The list is endless. My two also still het a stocking with bits and pieces, but I don't buy stuff just for the sake of it. It is always stuff that I know they both like and will use.
Take her out for a wee shop and spoil her

Nanalisa60 · 28/12/2018 12:58

Why did you just not ask her what she wanted? Then u can’t go wrong!!

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 28/12/2018 13:13

My flabber is gasted by this thread.

OP bought things she thought her daughter would like - have you no better imagination than thinking she bought a bottle of Pantene shampoo from Tesco? Presumably the daughter had expressed interest in the whiteboard thing and wears similar to the clothing bought?

I also had a mad panic when wrapping presents - I have a 17 year old, twin 9 year olds and a 7 year old. The 17 year old got two things, because the stuff he wants is much pricier than the stuff the smaller kids want.

Just picking on expatmigrant as their post is a couple above mine - why is shampoo a Hmm gift but ‘nice shower gel’ isn’t?

Dotty1970 · 28/12/2018 13:30

Yes it does, it adds to it, the likelihood is that they ARE spoilt brats if people are willing to spend that much.
Your comment is ignorant by trying to justify it
Biscuit

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 28/12/2018 13:32

@Dotty1970 who are you talking to?

Dotty1970 · 28/12/2018 13:33

Cromercrab

Ah, Dotty, so quick to rush to judgment, you sound rather spiteful. No, he's a very nice lad, good manners, works at school and cafe job, babysitting when he can get it. Has always had to save for things out of his allowance. But, we have a decent income,(not as flush as many of his peers' parents) and we choose to share it with him (although he still gets less than many of his peers.) But this Christmas, because we'd shared in advance, his gifts on the day were rather meagre.

Do your kids get more than the poorest children in your community? Does that make them spoilt? Or do they get less than the richest? And does that make them deprived and envious?

You stupid person.

Stating I am a stupid person I think makes You the spiteful one....
You spoil your child, end of.

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 28/12/2018 15:22

I do spoil my children, I love to buy them things they’ll like. Doesn’t mean they act spoiled though, I can’t believe you can’t see the difference Dotty. You sound very immature, how old are you?

Bugbabe1970 · 28/12/2018 19:18

Mm sounds a bit of a rush job
Shampoo?
Have a chat with her and tell her you’ll take her shopping when you’ve got some money
Or a nice mum and daughter day doing something

lunchboxloony · 29/12/2018 00:25

Nothing wrong with giving shampoo - we wrap all 'useful' stuff for about a month before the big day, just to give everyone more to unwrap. We all know half of our presents will be tissues, school socks, shower gel and cough medicine Grin! But we do give each other ideas for things we'd really like - and I wouldn't buy clothes for anyone over about eight without them being there to choose/try things on.

Touchmybum · 29/12/2018 11:56

What's wrong now with spoiling your kids? I love to spoil mine!! They aren't 'spoilt' however - there's a difference!!

Girls are easy to buy for, boys are more difficult.

School socks... cough medicine...???? Seriously???!

RomanyRoots · 29/12/2018 12:00

Touch

There's a reason they call it spoiling and no there is no difference.
Just set them up for a life of expecting everything they want.
Hoping they meet partners who can meet their high needs.
I know how I'd rather raise mine.

EdtheBear · 29/12/2018 12:07

Somebody define "spoil"?

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