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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dd upset at amount of money we spent on her

254 replies

Pawprintjoy · 25/12/2018 12:51

Dd (16) got an Apple Mac and reading festival tickets from us this year. She’s upset at how much money we spent on her because she told us before that Apple Macs are too expensive and we thought we’d invest in something she would love but she has gone upstairs after saying she doesn’t want it because it is way too expensive and she will break it and that she only asked for a cheap laptop to do school work on (she already has a computer but it’s very slow) , has now disappeared upstairs to think she’s abit ungrateful ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pawprintjoy · 25/12/2018 12:52

AIBU to think*

OP posts:
HardAsSnails · 25/12/2018 12:53

She sounds overwhelmed, bless her, give her time Flowers

CobaltRose96 · 25/12/2018 12:53

I would feel guilty if my parents spent a lot of money on me, but I'd still be very grateful for and happy with the present and certainly wouldn't storm upstairs and threaten to break it!

If you couldn't afford it you wouldn't have bought it, so I definitely think your DD is being immature.

FleeceDetective · 25/12/2018 12:54

Sounds like you put a lot of pressure and expectation upon her.

Sitranced · 25/12/2018 12:55

She doesn't sound ungrateful she sounds overwhelmed.

ashtrayheart · 25/12/2018 12:55

Sounds like anxiety issues to me.

MoreNougatThanCougar · 25/12/2018 12:55

She's not threatening to break it though is she, she's saying she is worried about breaking it as it's such an expensive gift.

I think she sounds overwhelmed rather than ungrateful tbh though I guess to you it feels as hurtful.

Give her some time to calm down and see what happens. It's the sort of thing my DD (15) might well do and would then come and genuinely apologise for an hour later and explain herself.

Blondiecub0109 · 25/12/2018 12:56

^ I don’t think she’s threatened to break, more that she’s expressed a concern she’ll break it

Agree that she is maybe a bit overcome - at 16 she’s probably still learning about graciousness

DiamondsInTheMud · 25/12/2018 12:56

Ffs Cobalt, shes clearly not 'threatened' to break it, she's obviously worried about accidently breaking something expensive...Hmm

JustKeepSwimmingJustKeepSwimmi · 25/12/2018 12:56

Opposite of ungrateful for goodness sake!!!

MadeForThis · 25/12/2018 12:56

I suppose it depends on if you can afford it, at 16 I'm sure she is aware of what the family can afford to spend on presents.

At 16 I would have been delighted with a laptop but not if it put the family into debt.

Ellisandra · 25/12/2018 12:58

Not ungrateful at all.
She specifically told you that she didn’t want it, and yet you bought it anyway. Your gift was all about you and not about her.
For whatever reason (guilt on the money, worry about damaging it) you have made it her responsibility when she clearly asked you not to.

I would let her have a moment, I’d apologise for ignoring her, then I’d ask her to wait a week before deciding - reassuring her that you’d insure it, and could afford it. And if she still says no thank you - LISTEN to her.

Didiusfalco · 25/12/2018 12:58

Yes, overwhelmed. This is not spoilt behaviour, she understands how much things cost. Maybe give her a bit of time to come round I’m sure she will express gratitude later.

OhTheRoses · 25/12/2018 12:58

TBF my dd wouldn't have wanted to take an Apple Mac to school. Also, have you checked a mac is supported by the school technologically. The DC who had v expensive tech at dd's school were a bit vilified and some of the girls wanted cheaper stuff so they didn't make people feel uncomfortable.

This is something your dd should have been onvolved in purchasing with some fun wrap ups for christmas day. Sorry op but I'm 3/4 with your dd on this one.

However you have bought it with the best intentions and it's understandable that you are upset. Teens have a way to go on the wibbly wobbly road to maturity. Flowers

Ceecee18 · 25/12/2018 12:58

That's not ungrateful! She's just aware at how much you've spent on her and is obviously worrying that she might break it. Maybe she could look into insuring it? Or checking it's covered on the home insurance if you have it? Might reassure her a bit.

Notcontent · 25/12/2018 12:59

My 12 year old reacted similarly to a present - I think she was a bit overwhelmed.

Kokeshi123 · 25/12/2018 12:59

Bless her--she sounds like a sweet girl. Does she worry a lot about things in general?

2cats2many · 25/12/2018 13:00

She sounds lovely. Give her a big hug and let her know she's worth it x

Redgreencoverplant · 25/12/2018 13:00

I think she is worried about breaking it. Can you reassure her it is insured?

CrazyOldBagLady · 25/12/2018 13:01

Maybe she just needs some reassurance that you can afford it, she is worth it, and it will last a long time. Is she into Apple products? I suppose you could swap it for a Windows laptop with a higher spec for the money if she would prefer that?

ADastardlyThing · 25/12/2018 13:02

I'd be really fucked off op, quietly though.

Id wait and see if she apologises, I'm sure she will when she's got over the shock.

Waddsup12 · 25/12/2018 13:02

And tbf, she told you what she needed and you got her what you wanted.

It's not really an investment, if it's not compatible with what the school has and it causes her grief.

At that age, well, any age, being listened to is the most important thing.

sashh · 25/12/2018 13:02

Poor girl.

She has asked for something, you have given her something that is

a) much more expensive and
b) not what she has asked for

Let her exchange it for a laptop in the sales.

Ellisandra · 25/12/2018 13:04

But even if you can afford it, and even if it is insured - it doesn’t change the fact that she already told you that she didn’t want it, before you bought it.

My XH was like that. Flashy expensive gifts that I didn’t want, that he knew I didn’t want, which ticked boxes for him in “good gifts” but reminded me every time that he didn’t actually care at all about what I felt.

octoberbaby2010 · 25/12/2018 13:05

Bless her I think she's being quite sweet, ungrateful is when kids throw tantrums because they don't get what they asked for!!
Go give her a hug, what a lovely girl you have, she clearly didn't expect it and feels over whelmed xx

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