Dd upset at amount of money we spent on her

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Dd (16) got an Apple Mac and reading festival tickets from us this year. She’s upset at how much money we spent on her because she told us before that Apple Macs are too expensive and we thought we’d invest in something she would love but she has gone upstairs after saying she doesn’t want it because it is way too expensive and she will break it and that she only asked for a cheap laptop to do school work on (she already has a computer but it’s very slow) , has now disappeared upstairs to think she’s abit ungrateful ?

Teenagers, with the best will in the world, do manage to break and lose things or have them pinched. She might feel like buying her something that expensive is setting her up to fail. And also that she might not feel she can use it as she wanted to (eg outside home) because it’s too valuable.

I dont think telling her you love her and shes worth every penny is the right move if its not what she wants. Its like saying her choice was wrong and if she valued herself shed agree with your choice...

I wouldnt want i- anything as im used to non apple operating and also its a bit of a tribe thing whether you're apple or not. Like buying Liverpool kit when you support Manchester.

I think youve got it wrong, and shes handling her emotions over it as shes well aware its expensive and doesnt want to look ungrateful but it isnt at all what she wanted.

What a strange reaction from your DD.

@greendale17 why strange?

I think YABU to call her ungrateful when you deliberately went out of your way to avoid getting her what she wanted when you asked.

Teenagers can be ungrateful, selfish and rude. Your DD was none of these, though, and you'd be even more U to continue treating her as though you know best; at some point you need to begin listening to her and actually hearing what she's saying.

I bought a Mac and was terrified of breaking it because it was so expensive. I love it and have chilled out now but I did have the fear for ages.

Are you short of money? Does she worry about it? She really doesn't sound ungrateful.

It’s quite difficult to break a Mac and if you do, the Genius Bar will fix it for free unless you need parts. Tell her not to worry

Assuming she knows you can easily afford the Apple Mac, this isn’t about the money.

She wanted a pair of Adidas trainers. She told you she wanted Adidas trainers. You ignored her request and bought her a pair of Louboutins instead. Very nice, and very generous, but not what she wanted. Listen to her.

As above it's just anxiety bless her. She's worried about taking care of it and she's only 16 so doesn't have the developed coping mechanisms yet. (Age 25 for fully mature abstract thought, and some not even then)
For example, I got a new bike from DH. Yes I'm worried about it being nicked, but I'll go and buy a good lock and realise that's all I can do.
Give her time x

My parents always did this. Still do. I hate it. I dont like expensive stuff and makes me feel guilty when they spend lots of money. It makes me sad and guilty.
My mum would always do this. I wanted a cheap whatever. She then would buy the most expensive one.
Feelings of guilt and sadness. Why?
She wanted something and you ignored it yet now you think she is ungrateful

So she has to always live up to your expectations? I have been your daughter.

It depends. Does she know that you can’t afford it and she does want to be a burden? Are you the kind of parents who use money you’ve spent on your children to control them? It’s hard to say without context. She is either ungrateful as you say or she doesn’t want to be a burden to you or she doesn’t want to be beholden to you.

She specifically told you that she didn’t want it, and yet you bought it anyway. Your gift was all about you and not about her.

This, absolutely^

My mother used to buy me extravagant things and do ‘nice’ things for me… so that she could have something over me and use it as a manipulation device at an unspecified later date (and make herself feel like a saint in the process.) She also overspends on herself and accrues huge amounts of debt, but that’s another issue.

I refuse all gifts from her now unless it’s a simple box of chocolates and a Christmas card.

When someone tells you not to go over the top with spending on them – listen to them.

My DD16 would react the same way. She’s anxious about money and finds it overwhelming to be spoilt. For her 16th she got some lovely gifts but she was worried about breaking/losing them as she is just grasping the value of things, she is too afraid to wear a bracelet out in case it breaks. I just give her a lot of reassurance. I find it sweet as someone who is very concientious about such things is better than greed

FFS no one knows how the original conversation went, the DD might have said "oh just a cheap laptop will be fine" in which case ops done nothing wrong?

I can't believe the op is getting such a pasting here.

ds wouldn't want a MAC because it would stand out from what all his friends have as too expensive and a bit showing off. Is there functionality on the MAC she needs?

She specifically told you that she didn’t want it, and yet you bought it anyway. Your gift was all about you and not about her.

Exactly.

The OP DD sounds like she set clear, reasonable expectations and the OP decided to ignore them because "she knows better". As if because it's expensive it must be better. Sounds exhausting and I suspect is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to choosing to not listen to the DD.

Apart from anything DH has two laptop at work and says it's a pain in the bum, can't do something on his Mac that he prefers due to other office comparability (something to do with network drive access/saving or working on files with other people or some thing like that).

Maybe all her friends have cheaper/simpler stuff and having a MAC will make her feel a bit awkward?

It is probably a peer thing, maybe she didn't want to stand out from her friends and the responsibility (I felt the same way when I upgraded my 20 year old car recently, now I actually have to mind it ) Over whelmed she is, but I think she will love it when she has settled. Get it a hard case, loads on amazon/ebay in all colours and styles and a keyboard skin/protector would help with the responsibility feeling.

An apple mac is a desktop. A MacBook is a laptop.

Is there functionality on the MAC she needs?
No. It's a Mac. It will do the same as a PC half it's price.

Your daughter sounds pretty sensible to me, though it would not be at all unreasonable to talk to her about how to communicate her worries more politely.

Take the Mac back and buy her a £300 laptop. Put the extra £500+ in her savings.

She’s told you before she doesn’t want one why buy it.
Sounds like it’s about you looking like the oerfect parent and not about her

I’d sympathise with her too. I don’t like really expensive stuff, the responsibility would stress me out. I’m naturally clumsy and absent minded.

Also if she has felt that money has been tight in your family generally that might make her feel even more stressed.

And yes there might be compatibility issues too.

Why not talk to her and either offer to swap or offer to get an insurance policy etc so she has peace of mind (and reassure her that you could comfortably afford it).

I wonder what her side of it is.

The points about compatibility are really fair. We have a family MacBook, but ds1 also has a cheaper desktop with windows because that’s what he needs to upload easily his college assignments. He also games online on it, and different systems work better for that versus other things.
I don’t think she’s ungrateful (that would be if you got her the cheap laptop and she was whining for the Mac!)

Why on earth did you buy it for her?