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Original poster

Dd upset at amount of money we spent on her

254 replies

Pawprintjoy · 25/12/2018 12:51

Dd (16) got an Apple Mac and reading festival tickets from us this year. She’s upset at how much money we spent on her because she told us before that Apple Macs are too expensive and we thought we’d invest in something she would love but she has gone upstairs after saying she doesn’t want it because it is way too expensive and she will break it and that she only asked for a cheap laptop to do school work on (she already has a computer but it’s very slow) , has now disappeared upstairs to think she’s abit ungrateful ?

OP posts:
Whataboutbobbo · 25/12/2018 15:40

Exchange it for what she wants. She is not being ungrateful. She is extraordinarily mature for her age. She does not need a Mac. Something basic for her studies. Listen and learn off your girl.

SassitudeandSparkle · 25/12/2018 15:49

I think the OP had good intentions but your DD is obviously worried about breaking it (would you be angry if she did because that would be a concern for her) and as other posters have said, it does come across as you not listening to her at all. Especially if it's not a laptop but a desktop!

Danglingmod · 25/12/2018 15:50

I would have been like this and so would ds. It's upsetting when people spend a lot of money on you and it's even more upsetting when they don't listen to your wants and requests. I much prefer Windows products to Apple and would be sad if someone buying me a gift spent a lot of money on something I didn't want (plus what lovely other things could have been bought with the difference in price - a massive pile of books or clothes!)

Ginandsonicscrewdriver · 25/12/2018 15:57

She doesn’t sound ungrateful at all!

Ginandsonicscrewdriver · 25/12/2018 15:57

She clearly appreciates the value, agree with pps who think she’s overwhelmed but also, She sounds sensible!

goldengummybear · 25/12/2018 16:06

I'm sure that OP had good intentions but the dd may have low self esteem and be scared of using an Apple product because she feels that she's not worth it.

Cattus · 25/12/2018 16:08

My 12 year old found it a bit stressful that I’d stacked her stocking with too much stuff. She’s quite sensitive to when I overbuy. I probably do this because of my childhood. We only got second hand things, if that. My childhood was excruciating embarrassing and I want my daughter’s to be the opposite. She’d be happy somewhere inbetween.

Cattus · 25/12/2018 16:09

Excruciatingly

petmad · 25/12/2018 16:21

nope she isnt ungrateful you didnt listen i would return it if possible get her a less expensive new one, one of her choosing, or let her go with you to choose it and whatevers let buy her some accessories.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 25/12/2018 16:34

I really don’t get on with Mac stuff (despite having had an iPhone for a decade, so I guess I’ve just found a way around the compatibility issues as I don’t notice any) so a MacBook would stress me out a lot! I only know one university student who has one and they are endlessly morning about not being able to upload assignments etc.

Original poster
Pawprintjoy · 26/12/2018 04:19

Clueless that you needed any extras with it...box still sits unopen but now in her kitchen waiting to be set up on her desk the afternoon. She has a mate who’s stayed for Christmas so went up to her after she opened it yesterday she didn’t just storm off. Came down half an hour later in tears because “we can’t afford it” (spent a few months recently £400 in debt with rent but that’s all paid off due to starting new job) and we’ve come to the compromise that my dad will have her current computer so it’ll be more of an upgrade than a present but she’s had iPhones since she started secondary school (ironically a well loved Christmas present) and her some of her mates have macbooks and iMacs so Apple is nothing new to her I guess it was the shock of expecting a cheap laptop and getting something she’d talked about but always reassured us she didn’t want as we could never have afforded it then. It’s on a monthly payment plan and insured and she’s now asleep quite happily upstairs Grin. She’s been homeschooled with a teacher from her old school coming in to check up on her work and progress for GCSEs while we attempt to get the kids back into schools in the area since March and she can always borrow my laptop to do anything she can’t do on it so school wise it’s fine for now and we’ll get a cheap laptop if necessary in the future for travel and schoolwork. Wasn’t us trying to look like perfect presents we just wanted to get her something she’s talked about for ages but never thought she’d be able to have

OP posts:
happychange · 26/12/2018 04:27

Your daughter is being sensible
She probably guess that you have money issues

You probably have to pay a premium for being on a monthly payment plan as well

MarcieBluebell · 26/12/2018 04:53

Your dd sounds like me. My parents didn't have huge amounts of spare money yet would buy me expensive gifts I didn't want. They would say i was rude as it wasn't for me to decide what they bought me.

Your dd was right if you're on a payment plan.

Slothslothsloth · 26/12/2018 05:05

It’s a desktop computer?! So totally useless for what she needs it for. It’s on a payment plan, so no you can’t afford it. And this is very silly:

she can always borrow my laptop to do anything she can’t do on it so school wise it’s fine for now and we’ll get a cheap laptop if necessary in the future for travel and schoolwork

So basically for all of the things she actually needs it for she’ll be borrowing your laptop or will use an additional cheap laptop - which is what she wanted in the first place - while you haven’t even paid off the MacBook?

If I haven’t misunderstood the above, you are very bad with money (and with understanding your daughter’s actual needs - using multiple computers will be a total hassle) and it’s no wonder your daughter is upset. I suppose it’s done now, but maybe actually listen to her in the future.

JustKeepSwimmingJustKeepSwimmi · 26/12/2018 05:15

Is there any chance you can take it back and get what she actually wants?

If she wants a laptop and yiuve bought a desktop thats a fairly major mistake. I wouldnt want a desktop as I like my computer to be portable - and especially with school and pos uni etc she will want to be able to use her own laptop srt up for her and not share.

To have taken out a payment plan for the wrong thing seems kinda crazy.

claraschu · 26/12/2018 05:20

My daughter often says she doesn't want something which she actually is desperate to have, because she thinks it is too expensive or not really necessary. She hates to seem spoiled or demanding, so pretends not to want things in order to feel like a reasonable person.

It sounds like your daughter is doing the same, and is actually going to be thrilled.

JustKeepSwimmingJustKeepSwimmi · 26/12/2018 05:24

Clara - she'll be thrilled with a desktop when she wants a laptop?

Ararauna · 26/12/2018 05:36

This reads a bit as if my friend's parents could have written it. Wonderful, loving parents. It wasn't till high school that she figured out that her parents just could not afford all the things they were buying for themselves and her sisters. They are to debt up to their eyeballs, but tell her that's nothing for her to worry about as they 'can afford it'... it causes her unbelievable stress and worry and I wish I could just shake her parents for her.

Georgiepeorgiepuddingandpie · 26/12/2018 05:48

I am just like your daughter. I have electrical items like phones and laptops out of necessity. I am very clumsy and break things regularly, this is a big problem in my life and something I have been trying to work through for many years but had no luck! It sounds ridiculous but being such a clumsy person can be very upsetting as the stress and disappointment of breaking things is really awful, as well as being made to feel terrible by other people. My DH is such a sweetheart and always wants to buy me the best of everything. He doesn't understand that when he surprises me with a really expensive gift (like a new phone or laptop) I feel in a way grateful but in a way dread as I know it will be a MUCH bigger deal when I inevitably break it and I will feel more guilt and upset about it. I know how your daughter feels. I'd be a bit overwhelmed and upset too because I bet you'd be so upset and angry if it does get broken.

claraschu · 26/12/2018 05:48

Justkeepswimming the OP says: "I guess it was the shock of expecting a cheap laptop and getting something she’d talked about but always reassured us she didn’t want as we could never have afforded it then."
My daughter would be shy about asking for something expensive, would pretend she didn't want it, but it would be obvious to me that she really would love it, just thought is was too much to ask for.

Original poster
Pawprintjoy · 26/12/2018 05:51

Dd is happy with it. We could afford full amount but payment plan meant we could afford to book a nice holiday for the summer this winter without having to wait until spring when everywhere’s already booked

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 26/12/2018 05:55

One of my daughters is using my 2008 Mac. So that's been a very good investment frankly. It's even fallen down the stairs. It's had a new battery and new screen but it still works well.

JustKeepSwimmingJustKeepSwimmi · 26/12/2018 05:55

So she doesnt want a laptop then like your Op?

I wonder if she's showing you what she thinks you want to hear.

Ararauna · 26/12/2018 05:57

If you recently weren't able to pay your rent and ended up in debt; even if you now genuinely have zero debt left (as presumably to default on rent you had maxed out your overdraft, credit cards, other bills, etc), surely given how recently you were in such a precarious situation means it would have made sense to use the money splashed out on holiday and new Mac to build up a bit of a buffer to avoid ending up in the same situation again should the worst happen and you are without an income again at some point...

Original poster
Pawprintjoy · 26/12/2018 06:01

Wouldn’t be upset or angry if it gets broken unless it was broken on purpose, accidents happen and she knows if things get broken it’s not the end of the world but like everything they’ll have to wait to get them fixed they won’t just be thrown out and replaced. Either way she’d end up with a desktop and laptop but at least now her desktop is compatible with her phone and we can always get a laptop if it’s needed. Dd is the type who’d rather lay in bed or sit on the couch on a laptop rather than a chair at her desk when she gets fed up of sitting up straight Grin we spoke about it after yesterday and she’s now delighted with it aftwr realising she no longer has to wait 5 minutes for a page to load on her old desktop

OP posts: