Dd upset at amount of money we spent on her

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Dd (16) got an Apple Mac and reading festival tickets from us this year. She’s upset at how much money we spent on her because she told us before that Apple Macs are too expensive and we thought we’d invest in something she would love but she has gone upstairs after saying she doesn’t want it because it is way too expensive and she will break it and that she only asked for a cheap laptop to do school work on (she already has a computer but it’s very slow) , has now disappeared upstairs to think she’s abit ungrateful ?

If she wanted a laptop then an apple mac is not really suitable.

We have a number of apple laptops and 1 apple mac which is never used as it is enormous and not portable. I wouldn't buy another mac-no-one needs desktops these days as laptops doe everything that you need

Swap the mac for an apple laptop- cheaper and more useful.

Ooh I see, it's not a Mac book, it's the desktop version. Hmm this might be an issue if she wanted something portable. I'm sure OP can return it if it's not right. She'll calm down and I'm sure you can sort things out.

She didn't threaten to break it, she sounds anxious and worried, not ungrateful.

If you wanted a reusable take away coffee cup but someone bought you a crystal wine glass and expected you to use it for the same purpose you'd be worried you'd break it and upset that you had something you were afraid to use - that's probably how she feels, especially as she lives with you and if it does break you'll know (do you have form for being cross or theatrically "disappointed" if she accidentally damages her own possessions?)

When DD was 3 we were going to get her a V tech camera because she really, really wanted one. We knew they aren't "good" cameras but she was 3 and they are robust and they take photos which is all she wanted - she didn't even need to be able to print them, the quality didn't matter, just the robustness.

My parents said they'd like to be the ones to get the camera for her - and lo and behold they bought her a very good, very expensive camera utterly unsuitable for a 3 year old to be allowed to use. Their logic was that it had some built in compensation for shaky hands! She was 3 not 93...

We couldn't let her use it until she was 6, and even then we were slightly on edge that she'd break it.

It was a crap present, despite being 5 times more expensive that the thing we'd intended to give her - in fact because of that, and the fact it was fragile...

OP hasn’t said it’s a desktop - reads more like it’s a Macbook to me.

Is it a desktop?

I can kind of see her point if she wanted something small and not-particularly worth stealing she could carry around with her.

She asked for a laptop and you spend four times as much on a Macbook. Perhaps she's upset because all the extra money could have gone to other uses (either for the household or for her). Have you recently refused to buy her something because you "can't afford it"?

Also, having a Mac is a statement. Perhaps she doesn't want to stick out as all her peers have Windows laptops. The risk of damaging a laptop (esp if she will carry it about) is high and Apple repair costs are extortionate. Having such an expensive laptop also puts her at risk of getting mugged.

If you gave me a Mac after I asked for a laptop, I would be furious. It means you do not listen to me since I told you exactly what I wanted. It also means that you do not trust that I know my needs and assume that I can't think for myself. Such behaviour breaks down communication - what's the point in talking about anything, if you're going to just ignore it because you think you know better?

If you asked for a green New Look mini dress and got a designer black maxi dress (a dress is a dress, after all) - would you be happy? Obviously not - it's not what you wanted and it doesn't matter that the dress you got is more expensive.

She's overwhelmed. It's a big deal, apple macs are extortionate.

I guess you tell her she's worth it. And that you love her.

I thought anxiety issues too, or similar. I have anxiety, and suspect some undiagnosed ASD. One year XH got me an all singing all dancing quite sophisticated calculator, after I had asked for a very simple one. Nice thought (maybe, becuase he was quite controlling) but I was quite over -whelmed at the idea that the one I had wanted was much cheaper, and I wasn't going to use the add-ons.... FWIW I was MUCH older than 16.

My Mum used to do this, buy me more expensive things she thought I'd like rather than what I actually wanted, it just made me feel like she didn't listen or particularly care about what would make me happy.
I could never say anything for fear of sounding ungrateful.

Does she currently use Apple products? Is her old, slow computer a mac or does it run on another operating system? Converting to a new system is a pain. If she has an iPhone, then the compatibility is great. If she has an Android phone, a Chromebook would have been compatible (as well as light and cheap).

What exactly have you bought?

And what post said above. Its so refreshing to hear you haven't got a grabby offspring.

She's understandably very upset because she didn't get what she wanted and the present she did get cost a fortune. I don't blame her one bit.

She's not ungrateful - she's probably just disappointed.

I love my MacBook but it's not a laptop - they're different things. If she needed a laptop with Windows for her schoolwork then a MacBook isn't especially helpful either!

It's a lovely present but might be a target for theft
See how she is later or tomorrow, presumably she can change it

It’s all very well, the advice to tell her she’s “worth it”. It’s only money though - if you have it, it’s no great show of love. What she needs to be worth, is being heard.

You have the exact opposite of an ungrateful child. Do you have money issues? Has she broken things she’s loved before? I agree that it sounds like anxiety — just go upstairs, give her a big fat hug, and tell her you love her.

Bit of an odd reaction - I was often shocked and sometimes cried at presents as they were more than I thought my parents could afford. But I was also jumping up and down with happiness and thanking them! I wouldn't dream of storming upstairs In a strop.

Go and talk to her calmly op. See exactly what's wrong.

She is not ungrateful she told you she didn’t want it, she told you what she did want. You on the other hand did not listen or trust her and overruled her because you thought best

Now she is upset that she has not been listened to you deem her ungrateful

She sounds overwhelmed and I really think you should've listened to her in the first place. You were BU to ignore her in the first place. My parents insisted on spending lots of money on my sister and I growing up and they never listened to us when we said not to. We now both hate Christmas because of all the expectations and pressure placed on us growing up.

What she needs to be worth, is being heard.

This with bells on it

It sounds like you don't listen to her.

Didn't listen about the present she wanted.

Didn't listen to what she said when she reacted. And instead labelled her ungrateful.

I hate having very expensive gadgets. It feels like a huge responsibility and I would devastated if I broke it. It's too much stress. I get what she is saying.

You have given her gift that she will be terrified of breaking, get damaged, stolen etc. It's causing her stress because it's costs alot of YOUR money. Doesn't matter if you can afford it.

Tell her you love her and she is worth every penny of the iPad. Tell her you hope she will get as much joy out of using it as you did buying it but that you are sorry your purchasing selfishness caused her any worry.

It's insured, after all as far as she knows any way!!!

I used to be the same. Its anxiety. She's stressing about how much it all cost and she's worried about using it in case it breaks! Give her some time. Bet you she 'll come downstairs to say sorry and that she loves it!

Also did you check the MAC was compatible with school work

I’m afraid I think it’s you who has handled this incorrectly OP and who should be apologising