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Original poster

Dd upset at amount of money we spent on her

254 replies

Pawprintjoy · 25/12/2018 12:51

Dd (16) got an Apple Mac and reading festival tickets from us this year. She’s upset at how much money we spent on her because she told us before that Apple Macs are too expensive and we thought we’d invest in something she would love but she has gone upstairs after saying she doesn’t want it because it is way too expensive and she will break it and that she only asked for a cheap laptop to do school work on (she already has a computer but it’s very slow) , has now disappeared upstairs to think she’s abit ungrateful ?

OP posts:
JustKeepSwimmingJustKeepSwimmi · 26/12/2018 06:09

So shes the type who would rather lie on a couch or sit in bed on a laptop and youve got her a desktop?

Bless her. Shes obviously wanting to show you shes grateful, but her initial reaction might show you its not what she wanted. Surely you can offer to take it back and getg her a laptop?

JamieFraser · 26/12/2018 06:19

Years ago I asked for a desk for my room for Christmas as I was studying for exams. What I wanted was a cheap large open desk that I could spread stuff out on like books and drinks. What I got was a Victorian bureau/ writing desk which was about the size of a dinner tray and was sloped. It was mahogany, really heavy and cost a bomb.
The first time I used it... even using the leather protector... it got scratched and had to go for polishing.
I spent the rest of my exam years sitting on the floor to study.
Perhaps the cheap laptop would have been better for your dd.

JamieFraser · 26/12/2018 06:22

Like this... the writing area was the size of a tray.
That said I was grateful to my parents ans never showed I hated it

Dd upset at amount of money we spent on her
pissedonatrain · 26/12/2018 06:50

She certainly isn't grabby which is so nice these days but I wonder if you frequently have money issues that she can overhear you talking about and it gives her anxiety?

BTW you can run Windows on Mac with this

www.parallels.com/au/landingpage/pd/general-dtc/?gclid=Cj0KCQiAi57gBRDqARIsABhDSMreAjAJ2wesXdruIB3KxhaF7k4HYuqCjN4bdQ2bNUjeZlWf4iJ0lS8aAos2EALw_wcB

YearOfYouRemember · 26/12/2018 07:22

OP, you aren't listening to your DD who is being much more mature than you, especially in your subsequent posts.

HopeHopity · 26/12/2018 07:28

Came down half an hour later in tears because “we can’t afford it” your poor daughter

I have been there. You are causing her so much anxiety, why can't you buy what she wants????
She probably thinks it is sensible to save up instead as ffs you were behind rent

So she is being the sensible parent and you are the stroppy teen

Great

Notacluethisxmas · 26/12/2018 07:28

It's not a laptop?

Wtf?

Thingsthatgo · 26/12/2018 07:36

If I were your dd, and I knew that recently you couldn’t pay rent, I would very much prefer that you saved like crazy rather than spend on holidays and Apple Macs. Being a child in a situation where you know your parents are worrying about money is scary and deeply unsettling. I remember it well.

HopeHopity · 26/12/2018 07:44

@Thingsthatgo Being a child in a situation where you know your parents are worrying about money is scary and deeply unsettling. I remember it well.
So much this 💙

blueskiespls · 26/12/2018 07:44

"cheap laptop to do school work on (she already has a computer but it’s very slow) , has "

I think the whole point is not the money that you spent. I think it's the fact that she wanted a laptop...
she won't be able to use yours as presumably all the apps, work etc. She'll need will be on the desktop in her bedroom?

HopeHopity · 26/12/2018 07:44

Oh wait so she wanted a laptop to take about and work
This makes it even worse

Breakfastofmilk · 26/12/2018 07:45

(spent a few months recently £400 in debt with rent but that’s all paid off due to starting new job)

Dd is happy with it. We could afford full amount but payment plan meant we could afford to book a nice holiday for the summer this winter without having to wait until spring when everywhere’s already booked

It sounds like you run your finances on a knife edge and spend every penny you have as soon as you can. My DH grew up in a family like this and it has given him lifelong issues with money. It took years of arguing from me to get him to save even £1000 for a house deposit (I saved the other £35,000 we needed) and I still have to be the one to pay for big purchases because even now he earns a good salary (a lot more than me) he cannot manage his money.

It's amazing your daughter has such a sensible attitude to money but if you keep this up she may lose it and spend her whole life in debt and with money troubles.

diddl · 26/12/2018 07:46

Why did you get a desk to when she wanted a laptop?

Was there nothing that could have been added to the desk top to speed it up?

ADastardlyThing · 26/12/2018 07:51

So op your DD actually wanted a Mac but didn't think you could afford it, and she's now happy.

Great news. I think the teen years can be awful, very angsty and confusing so maybe her reaction was a bit of that?

Still not sure why you're getting a battering Confused

EatShitBoswell · 26/12/2018 07:52

Diamonds "Ffs Cobalt, shes clearly not 'threatened' to break it, she's obviously worried about accidently breaking something expensive..."

No need to be like that! I don't think it was obvious at all, it depends how you read it. I read it the same way as cobalt until other posters pointed it out, so I read the op back and it made sense.

Notacluethisxmas · 26/12/2018 07:53

I am getting she isn't happy. She didn't get a laptop and will have to borrow yours.

I imagine she has said she is happy and moved on to keep the peace and make you happy.

anniehm · 26/12/2018 07:58

I think you have an amazing daughter, she obviously does understand money. Explain it will last a lot longer than a pc so is better value in the long run and cheap laptops run quite badly (mine struggles to run any games).

That said my dd would be upset as she must have a windows based machine due to university software requirements and the fact she plays computer games

Punto1 · 26/12/2018 08:12

I'd say the issue is that she wanted a laptop.

HopeHopity · 26/12/2018 08:15

I'd say the issue is that she wanted a laptop.
And a mother that refused and doesn't listen

As a teen one can feel very powerless. If we don't empower our daughters, who will?

OhFlipMama · 26/12/2018 08:27

@Pawprintjoy I've read the comments and I don't think you were doing it to make yourself feel good. I fully believe you bought it to give your daughter what she has truly wanted for some time.

Don't get worked up over it, let the day's events sink in (Christmas can be overwhelming anyway!) and then think it through again.

I'd have been completely overwhelmed too and probably would have also taken myself off somewhere quiet for a little while to work out my feelings. Especially at that age!

I bet once it's set up she'll absolutely love it. She has an iPhone which works well with other Mac's so that's a bonus.

She needs reassurance that she won't cause financial burden, so I wouldn't talk about lack of money with her present for some time now - at least 6 months to a year - as she might blame herself receiving the gift.

OhFlipMama · 26/12/2018 08:28

Fwiw, I'm using a 2008 Mac and prior to that used a MacBook for 10 years (heavily! before it needed replacing.

Lougle · 26/12/2018 08:29

My heart sinks when I read this thread. Your DD is parenting you Sad

MsTSwift · 26/12/2018 08:29

Reading your posts stressed me out I get why your dd reacted as she did. How frustrating for her she wanted one cheap ish thing and you went and got an expensive thing she didn’t want which doesn’t meet her needs? Hmm maddening. Your finances sound precarious no wonder it stresses her out poor kid.

HopeHopity · 26/12/2018 08:30

@OhFlipMama did you notice she asked for a laptop and she got a desktop Mac instead as well?
I missed that.

OhFlipMama · 26/12/2018 08:30

Oh heck, it's not a MacBook? So it's an iMac or similar which isn't a laptop? Confused That changes things.

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