Dd upset at amount of money we spent on her

[Pawprintjoy]

Dd (16) got an Apple Mac and reading festival tickets from us this year. She’s upset at how much money we spent on her because she told us before that Apple Macs are too expensive and we thought we’d invest in something she would love but she has gone upstairs after saying she doesn’t want it because it is way too expensive and she will break it and that she only asked for a cheap laptop to do school work on (she already has a computer but it’s very slow) , has now disappeared upstairs to think she’s abit ungrateful ?

She's the opposite of ungrateful. I feel really sorry for her that you can't see that. You've obviously made her worry about your finances and now you're paying the price.

No, she’s not being ungrateful, she’s being sensible. I never understand why people post on here complaining about unwanted gifts. I always tell people if I don’t like/want an expensive present as I wouldn’t want their money to go to waste and keep receipts in case people tell me the same. My stepmother didn’t like a top I bought her when she opened it this morning so I told her I’d give her the receipt to exchange it for something else. I’m glad she will.

She’s told you she doesn’t want it. If she still feels the same by next week then exchange it, buy her a cheaper laptop and put the extra money away for her like another PP suggested.

Maybe she didn't want an Apple product.

We have a family MacBook, but ds1 also has a cheaper desktop with windows because that’s what he needs to upload easily his college assignments.

I taught a sixth former who failed several assignments because he couldn't figure out how to convert his work to a sensible format from apple's proprietary one.

I'm going to go against the majority here and say. I'd be damn well pissed off in a major way if I'd spent that much money on DD and she flew up stairs having a tantrum acting all noble because too much money had been spent on her. Talk about not knowing when you've got it good. Sorry I'm not feeling the poor girl vibe.

The OP has not returned
BUT

Her DD asked for a cheap laptop
that would be perfect for college and then Uni
instead they bought her a very expensive laptop that has a different operating system
and is less suitable for a lot of academic stuff

Maybe he OP should have accepted that her daughter knew what she wanted
and offer to take it back and buy the right thing.

In our family we all have Apple everything because (a) we are all compatible (b) Apple products are more expensive to purchase but last far longer than competitors and work out cheaper in the long term

She sounds like a good kid.

Are you spending money you dont really have ??

Why would a cheap laptop be better for university?

Why would a cheap laptop be better for university?

Windows is far more compatible with university equipment than Apple. So, not cheaper necessarily (you can get Windows laptops for more money than a MacBook) but more versatile and easier to use for university assignments and things like that.

And not everyone likes Apple. I'm a convert and love my MacBook but some people find Windows much easier to use.

user1499

• Apple does not always get on with University firewalls
• Ios does not get on with some data management software
• laptops get damaged and stolen a LOT in halls
• Apple products last no longer than Dos (especially when Apple release limiter updates)

Windows is much easier for schoolwork. Maybe just swap it and take her with you so she can get the one she wants.

Our DC have had Apple everything at university, as have all their friends.

So she asked for a cheap laptop for school and you bought a very expensive desktop pc?

I love my Mac, Mines the lower cheap spec at about £1,500 but it's a totally different product to a cheap laptop.

Dds school actually ask parents not to buy Apple MacBooks to carry to and from school because of the appeal to theirs and cost of replacing or repairing when kids throw bags about etc. Dd only asks for a cheap phone for same reason and would be anxious if I decided to buy her a £1,000 iPhone X instead of the £80 old one she has.

I don't think your dd is being ungrateful. She's the opposite. She sounds worried that she's been given an expensive item that isn't even the same product as she'd asked for and that will make her anxious about breaking.

Can you not return it when shops open and get her the cheaper windows laptop she'd asked for.

Yes she just sounds overwhelmed Op.
Just give her some space and time

Maybe the excesses of Christmas puts her off. She doesn't sound grabby which is a good thing.

I'm not sure tbh.

Has she ever spoken about it in a way that does suggest that she would like one-even though they are expensive?

i'd be pretty fed up with a Mac as i am a PC user, and i hate Macs. So if that is the issue, you have bought her something for a lot of money that she actually doesnt want?

but she sounds normal and lovely

Apple products can be a bit of a nightmare. Get her a good solid Windows laptop.

She’s not trying to be a bugger, she’s got a point OP.

Sounds like you tried to treat her with something extra special and accidentally got it wrong - never mind, the love is there, make a switch and don’t focus on it too much.

I'm with Ellis

Why do people always assume they know better. A gift that requires alot if money added or accessories to be able to use it , or is expensive but not what was needed or sone one would he too scared to take it and use it in a way they actualky need to be able to, is not a gift is it. It makes the giver look really generous but the receiver is still in the same situation they were befire ( minis what they want or need) and now has the added burden of being gushing enough of fake thanks to not appear ungrateful.

That gift was all about you op not your dd.

Ungrateful would be you buying her a cheap laptop and her kicking off because she wanted a Mac.
I would talk to her and discuss its return for something more suitable.

Expensive stuff can be really embarrassing if your friends don’t have a lot of money. I use to massively cringe if my dad collected me in his sports car, my friends would slag me off that my parents were rich. (They’re not hugely rich but we were better off than some of my friends, they didn’t flash it a lot except with the car).

Opposite of ungrateful :s she's saying it's too much not too little.

And read the thread ffs, she didn't threaten to break it.

I can't bear having significant money spent on me. It makes me hugely uncomfortable, anxious and fearful. At 39 I can now calmly state this and have massively limited what I receive.

At 16 I didn't have any confidence to do the same and my only defences were to be grumpy about it and run away. I think it was my 16th when I avoided opening anything for 3-4 days. It was the flight option of a fight or flight response with massively increased levels of anxiety.

Clever girl.