Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DH unwrap and rewrap presents for me?

231 replies

MincePieMum · 23/12/2018 22:59

I want him to re-wrap my presents in the correct paper. Am I being a dick? Sorry this is long.

Every year DH stays up until 12/1/2am Christmas Eve and our DS is still young and giddy with excitement; he's prone to waking veeerrry early Christmas Day. Last year it was 4am and we did everything we could to get him back to bed but failed. This year will be no different. DH is then grumpy all day as he's not had enough sleep. Always promises next year will be different. I've been trying really hard to make this year easy on all of us. I've been wrapping a few presents a night for most of December.

I have done all the present buying for everyone including his family. Including oversees family and getting cards and presents written/posted in time.

We both work full time. He finished for Christmas more than a week ago, he had all of last week off. I finished for Christmas on Saturday lunchtime.

We've just had a massive argument over Christmas presents.

I asked him to come upstairs and help me sort through presents as I was having a massive twitch over DS present pile looking expensively small. He asked "do I have to do it now?" And I replied "how long shall I wait for you?" It turns out he meant to say "I don't want to, can't you worry about it now, then fix it all for us so that I can carry on not giving a fuck?"

When he finally came up to help, we went through it all and he agrees the pile and stocking are both small. Now he wants to buy cheap plastic tat to pad it out with. I don't as I've done this in previous years. DS doesn't play with the tat and it will still be littering our planet 1000 years from now, still with the gift tag on. I'm being negative apparently.

I suggested giving one of my presents to DS instead. One of the presents I bought myself and put in a box in his wardrobe, in front of him, saying "here are 3 Christmas presents I really want this year. I bought them, all you need to do is wrap them". Because I tried the same thing last year and he didn't bother to wrap the present I bought myself, he just moved it along the shelf a little towards my side of the bed. Didn't put it under the tree or give it to me in person. So when I suggested my present for DS, he looked completely blank. He'd forgotten.

I asked what he had wrapped last week when he made a big show of hiding upstairs to wrap, when he'd been home alone all day and I'd just got in with DS from school and needed a quick turnaround to get him back out for football. No he hadnt cooked dinner.
He has got me other things, which is great, but it turns out he has used the paper that is only for gifts that come from Santa.

I had told him I was doing this. I told him last year that we should have separate paper, but he refused as he'd left everything to the last minute. I don't want a present for DS from Santa to be wrapped in the same paper as a present from DH to me. DS is going to suss and I'd rather not risk it. He agreed or he didn't listen and nodded in the right places.

So we've argued about all of this because I'm pissed and wouldn't let him off the hook. I'm not going to back down on this. Unless the general consensus is that I'm being a dick.

OP posts:
Lazypuppy · 23/12/2018 23:07

So basically your dp has used the wrong paper? No need for rest of your post.

Yes he needs to re-wrap not using the santa paper.

However, yabu for a very long post, most of which was irrelevant to the issue

twoundertwo54321 · 23/12/2018 23:07

You sound very angry and uptight about it all. I can see why you are cross but if I were you I wouldn't let it spoil Christmas. The way you described it makes it seem like you haven't enjoyed what you have done so maybe think about how you want it to be different next year.

I think you are doing too much and then feeling cross that he isn't helping but you are maybe overthinking it all.

I don't know what I'd do about the paper but maybe just calmly and nicely explain why you do different paper to him and see what he thinks? Agree between you the best thing to do.

In future I would stop buying your own gifts and have a proper chat to explain why that hurts your feelings. Don't know what else to say.

AppleKatie · 23/12/2018 23:08

He is being a dick leaving you entirely responsible for Christmas.

People will tell you it’s petty but I’d be pissed off about the paper too.

TigerDroveAgain · 23/12/2018 23:08

This is all very hard work

QueenofmyPrinces · 23/12/2018 23:09

This post made me laugh Grin

I have never known there to be so much angst over wrapping paper Grin

Go and have a cup of tea with two sugars, it will help settle your nerves Grin

bruise · 23/12/2018 23:09

Yep what AppleKatie said.

Also how fucking hard is it to listen?

mumofblueeyes · 23/12/2018 23:11

It's Christmas. Be nice to one another. Be kind. You are a team, not two opposing enemies. Stop the I did, he did.
He said, I said. Your post is about wrapping and wrapping paper. Without wishing to sound too saintly, consider those less fortunate than yourselves. Those who have lost a loved one recently or those who have less. Pour a glass of wine, put on the carols, wrap the presents and try to enjoy your little family. (And as an aside I can't believe a grown adult is 'grumpy' the next day for going to bed just gone midnight!)

Fatted · 23/12/2018 23:11

Your post isn't about the paper really. It's about the fact you think your DH is a lazy sod who leaves everything to you.

YABU about the paper.

YANBU about the fact your DH is a lazy arse who does nothing.

MaisyPops · 23/12/2018 23:12

There's 2 separate issues here to me.

First him leaving you to do everything for Christmas is out of order.

Second, he's used the 'wrong' paper for some gifts. I wouldn't make him unwrap and rewrap mainly because it's ridiculous but also because that sort of reinforces the idea that Christmas is your thing and it has to be done a certain way etc (which probably only reinforces the dynamic where Christmas is your problem to sort).

Drogosnextwife · 23/12/2018 23:12

Yup he's being a twat, I would take the paper off myself.

FestiveNut · 23/12/2018 23:16

Tell him the gifts you're getting also came from Santa? Or DH ran out of wrapping paper and an elf helped him out?

Pinknike · 23/12/2018 23:18

It all sounds really hard work an not enjoyable for anyone.

I'm intrigued, what is the present of yours that you are giving to your ds?

Your dh is being really unhelpful about Christmas and it's not very fair on you. The paper thing in itself is an easy mistake to make but Christmas really should be more of a joint effort.

decemberfrost · 23/12/2018 23:18

Ludicrously long post. And YABU.

Zwischenwasser · 23/12/2018 23:19

Maisypops absolutely nails it.

Don’t get him to rewrap, but next year take a hard line on division of labour

Ginandsonicscrewdriver · 23/12/2018 23:23

Chill out!

Chloe84 · 23/12/2018 23:24

When he finally came up to help, we went through it all and he agrees the pile and stocking are both small. Now he wants to buy cheap plastic tat to pad it out with. I don't as I've done this in previous years.

So he offered a solution and you pooh poohed it because you already knew what you wanted to do. Why drag him upstairs then? Confused

It sounds like you're fed up of the wifework of Christmas so have become a martyr. Next time leave him to sort out the presents, especially his family's.

WilburforceRaven · 23/12/2018 23:24

STOP doing it all! 'You shop, buy and wrap for yours and I'll do mine.' 'You buy this part of DS's stuff and I'll pick up the rest.' 'Dinner needs to be done whilst I take DS to football.' And you just tell his family, DH is now taking over his share at Xmas.

Merryoldgoat · 23/12/2018 23:24

As PP said, this isn’t really about paper. He’s selfish, he leaves all the Christmas work to you, and this is the last straw.

If you can’t communicate, and nothing you do makes a difference it’s difficult to see how you can move forward.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 23/12/2018 23:26

I also care that Santa presents have separate paper because I have a clear memory of that being how I worked out that he didn’t exist. My DH (who is exceptionally Christmas helpful) thinks it’s a bit nutty. He does indulge me but, if he’d accidentally used the wrong paper, I don’t think I’d try & make him rewrap the gifts. It’s my issue so I’d just do it myself but, crucially, I wouldn’t be at all pissed off. It’s just a mistake.
I think you’re pissed off because it’s NOT just a mistake. It’s part of a pattern of behaviour which feels disrespectful, lazy and uncaring.
You are not being unreasonable to find your dh a total disappointment here.

BlackCatSleeping · 23/12/2018 23:26

Your post isn't about the paper really. It's about the fact you think your DH is a lazy sod who leaves everything to you.

This ^

Is he useless generally around the house?

Pieceofpurplesky · 23/12/2018 23:26

Maybe he feels like he can't do anything right? You buy your own presents and he doesn't wrap them and you moan at him. He wraps them and it's the wrong paper. He suggests an alternative present for your DC and you don't agree.
Yes he is a lazy arse but you sound a tad controlling - maybe he just lets you get on with it instead of being told he is wrong? You are his wife not his mother and you shouldn't need to tell him what to do

Costacoffeeplease · 23/12/2018 23:28

I can’t quite believe what I’ve just read Smile

As a pp said, count your blessings

Pachyderm1 · 23/12/2018 23:28

He’s being a lazy twat - typically for so many men, he’s leaving all the work to you and yet PPs are STILL laying blame at your door for being over-invested. Maybe you wouldn’t be if someone shared the load, eh?!

Make him rewrap the presents - it’s important for you and DS and he only has himself to blame for not listening the first time.

delboysskinandblister · 23/12/2018 23:29

this isn't about the paper.

the paper is - the not making dinner this week, leaving you to choose your gifts and point out what needed to be wrapped, him not remembering what he was giving you and therfore not bothered what you will now give DS, not giving you your gift in the customary gift giving way (with love and thought).

You are in a one sided Christmas relationship or at least that's how you feel. YANBU but he is not going to change.

bridgetreilly · 23/12/2018 23:31

Santa can get his wrapping paper at the same place as you without the world falling down, I promise.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.