To make DH unwrap and rewrap presents for me?

[MincePieMum]

I want him to re-wrap my presents in the correct paper. Am I being a dick? Sorry this is long.

Every year DH stays up until 12/1/2am Christmas Eve and our DS is still young and giddy with excitement; he's prone to waking veeerrry early Christmas Day. Last year it was 4am and we did everything we could to get him back to bed but failed. This year will be no different. DH is then grumpy all day as he's not had enough sleep. Always promises next year will be different. I've been trying really hard to make this year easy on all of us. I've been wrapping a few presents a night for most of December.

I have done all the present buying for everyone including his family. Including oversees family and getting cards and presents written/posted in time.

We both work full time. He finished for Christmas more than a week ago, he had all of last week off. I finished for Christmas on Saturday lunchtime.

We've just had a massive argument over Christmas presents.

I asked him to come upstairs and help me sort through presents as I was having a massive twitch over DS present pile looking expensively small. He asked "do I have to do it now?" And I replied "how long shall I wait for you?" It turns out he meant to say "I don't want to, can't you worry about it now, then fix it all for us so that I can carry on not giving a fuck?"

When he finally came up to help, we went through it all and he agrees the pile and stocking are both small. Now he wants to buy cheap plastic tat to pad it out with. I don't as I've done this in previous years. DS doesn't play with the tat and it will still be littering our planet 1000 years from now, still with the gift tag on. I'm being negative apparently.

I suggested giving one of my presents to DS instead. One of the presents I bought myself and put in a box in his wardrobe, in front of him, saying "here are 3 Christmas presents I really want this year. I bought them, all you need to do is wrap them". Because I tried the same thing last year and he didn't bother to wrap the present I bought myself, he just moved it along the shelf a little towards my side of the bed. Didn't put it under the tree or give it to me in person. So when I suggested my present for DS, he looked completely blank. He'd forgotten.

I asked what he had wrapped last week when he made a big show of hiding upstairs to wrap, when he'd been home alone all day and I'd just got in with DS from school and needed a quick turnaround to get him back out for football. No he hadnt cooked dinner.
He has got me other things, which is great, but it turns out he has used the paper that is only for gifts that come from Santa.

I had told him I was doing this. I told him last year that we should have separate paper, but he refused as he'd left everything to the last minute. I don't want a present for DS from Santa to be wrapped in the same paper as a present from DH to me. DS is going to suss and I'd rather not risk it. He agreed or he didn't listen and nodded in the right places.

So we've argued about all of this because I'm pissed and wouldn't let him off the hook. I'm not going to back down on this. Unless the general consensus is that I'm being a dick.

Pringles will help pad out his stocking and coco pops are always a great gift for him

Sounds good. Merry Christmas.

I wouldn't bother getting him to re wrap .. waste of time and paper ... kids don't notice things like this at all ....

RTFT, Ali

Well the spirit of Christmas good cheer is strong in this thread.

According to posters op should;

Do it all and stop complaining
Don’t do any of it and stop complaining
Stop being a martyr

She is hard word, annoying and insufferable.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Op, you have too much to deal with on your own. Posters shouldn’t need told the minutiae of your life to work out that other people have lives different to our own.

Your DH needs to step up - if not for you or for himself then for your son.

Then on Boxing Day sit down and tell him what needs to change for next year. Don’t go through this nonsense again and then end up losing the rag over wrapping paper when actually this is about values and how we show we care.

I hope you are ok and have a merry Christmas

We also had a different Santa paper to our other present paper.

Pissed OFF
Pissed OFF
Pissed OFF (unless you've genuinely drunk far too much alcohol.)

How amazing that Santa shops for wrapping paper in the same place as you do?! And that you didn't see him in the shop, wonder if he goes incognito, in disguise?

Honestly does it matter? Stocking presents I assume are opened first, so clear all the paper out of the way from the stocking presents, and see what happens, if spotted have the above conversation.

At the age of 8 I recognised the paper that my gift from Father Christmas was wrapped in as the one I'd helped choose in the newsagents. I was stunned (also a bit of a smart-arsed literal kid) who immediately realized that Father Christmas was not real and said as much, repeatedly, in front of my younger siblings. My parents panicked and put me in the kitchen, alone, while the rest of the family unwrapped their presents. It was probably only half an hour but I still remember how I felt now and still remember the pale blue paper with little robins on, printed slightly off-centre so they had a white halo on one side.
YANBU OP. If you don't want your son to guess the truth your DH needs to up his game.
But...try to devise a way to simplify it for next year. Sow the seeds this year if you can so perhaps one big gift from FC (with distinctive bow or something) and everything else from you...then the paper won't matter so much!

Thanks every for your responses. Next year will be different.

I decided to do the unthinkable: I took DS out. By myself. To a large shopping centre. In Christmas Eve. This is major for me, my disability and his autistic traits make all of that so difficult to imagine doing with anything positive coming from it.

We had such a lovely time. Looked at all the decorations. DS enjoyed the Sky TV 3D Demo and didn't pester me to buy it! We enjoyed a hot chocolate together and he chose a gift for me. I didn't take him out with that intention. I was giving DH a free pass to do whatever he thinks he needs to do, without distraction.

DS is like a magpie and loves shiny things. He spent ages looking at a jewellery shop window and was attracted to a bangle with the infinity symbol on. He loves maths but is well and truly stumped by the concept of infinity. He believes there must be more! He asked to buy it for me, is truly lovely and he really did think about what it all meant. In the spirit of PP's responses, I'm showing DS how to buy thoughtful gifts. It went really well. He's excited to give it but also asked when will he get his turn to wear it!!! (And for those PPs worried all the family budget is spent on me, it was less than £20 and not over budget at all.)

I bought myself a book, just because I wanted it. Not as a pseudo gift for DH to give back to me. The subtle art of not giving a f*ck. looking forward to reading this in bed tonight. After our film and takeaway.

DH still has far to go. Wrapping isn't done but he has spent the time tidying up and doing the physical jobs round the house that I just can't do. This is where we are a team. Unfortunately, he accidentally shut the cat in our bedroom. With the wardrobe doors open and wrapping paper on the bed. I shit you not. The cat has been sick on the carpet and pissed in the wardrobe. Not fully on and over DS bag of presents but spray in the general area. His presents smell of cat reindeer piss. Authentic. I've not lost it today, I'm in a much better mood than last night. Thank you everyone who has commented, even the snarky ones!

"God bless us every one!" Tiny Tim

That's so lovely (the trip, not the cats piss!)

Glad you had a lovely day !

Well, the reindeer piss makes it all more atmospheric son in some sense lovely as long as it hasn't soaked through!

The trip and everything sound great and I especially like the sound of that book!

Chill out.

Oh Well Done @MincePieMum.

I am so glad you have managed to have a truly precious moment with your son today, and it was about a gift to you, which is ruddy IMPORTANT, as it shows care and love and appreciation for that person, all of which you’ve managed to teach your son, even if your partner is not displaying those values. It is important by the way, whatever strange responses you get on here!

I’m ill, disabled, and relate to your situation and how things like wrapping are so hard (& shopping, and cooking, and eating, and washing, and standing, and sitting...!).

You’ve done a hell of a lot better than me. I get true parenting fail points this Christmas.

I burst into tears last night on my 8yr old son. Proper sobbing snot tears. Because I can’t do anything everything to make Christmas how it should be for him because I’m too ill and people keep letting me down and I’m supposed to just absorb it all and still do everything just like everyone expects and I can’t sodding well do it.

DS was being so whiny and upsetting complaining about why can’t I do this and that and why isn’t this done and why did this have to happen etc etc etc, and I just snapped. I shouted at him and called him spoilt and then I burst into tears and told him that ‘I’m sorry that I can’t do it all and I can’t make Christmas how he wants it and he deserves better than I can give him because mummy’s too ill to do it’.

So I’m doing it all for him and I’m fucking failing. He’s going to remember this Christmas as the one where his mummy broke down and scared him. Shit.

Go you!

Next year, cut down the presents. 45 gifts to buy, wrapping paper to buy, all the wrapping, and then the posting is so excessive I had to read what you said again to make sure I hadn't got it completely wrong the first time. Seriously - it is eye-popping/ mind boggling, and unnecessary.

I also think 18 gifts for DS is excessive. As the years go on you will hopefully be able to cut this way down too.

Hope you have a nice, relaxed, merry Christmas.

@WellThisIsShit I'm so sorry and completely feel your pain.

Your son may well remember you losing your shit this year. But he doesn't get to judge you. Not until he is a parent himself. And not until he can truly empathise with disability and chronic pain.

It's so much easier to dish out advice than act upon it yourself, so please excuse me on this one. Be kind to yourself. Do something for you. Even if it is just one tiny gift to yourself, a favourite drink or treat yourself to a soak in the bath. At times I have been known to treat myself to painkillers 10 mins early! as of 10 mins makes all the difference, but that is how I remind myself to let go a bit! I really hope you can find some joy in Christmas this year. Here's an unmumsnetty hug {{{}}}

Wellthisisshit forgive yourself and start Christmas anew. Kids want time and attention, not things (despite their whiny exterior behaviour ). I can remember losing my shit with DD when newly divorced and struggling. I don’t think she does. She was behaving horribly probably as a sign of her own struggle with things. We then went on to have a wonderful relationship just the two of us until DP came along

OP. Merry Christmas. You’ve taken good advice and come out aiming for change.

Just in the theme of the thread. I'd bought and wrapped gifts for the DC's, neighbours and people we are seeing. I've also food shopped and single handedly catered for some relatives/ friends who we've already seen etc.

I'd pretty much finished all the wrapping- but there were a few things left to wrap for youngest DC (after she was in bed tonight). We wrap last minute bits every year as there's always a few afterthought stocking fillers.

I asked DH to help at about 9 pm and he refused saying
" I hadn't particularly envisaged I'd be doing any wrapping tonight". Grrrrrrr -that's all.

" I hadn't particularly envisaged I'd be doing any wrapping tonight".

@lonelyplanetmum Merry Christmas!

DH has been wrapping like a demon all evening. He's tired, grumpy and completely blaming himself. It is his fault. He has one person to buy for, and I buy some of the presents myself!!

I'd love to be asleep right now but DH hasn't fetched the stocking yet. I'm physically pooped but can't rest until I know the really important shit is done. Just a bow for DS main present and the stocking to go. Next year will be very different.

I can't shake the smell of cat piss either...😸

OP I think you are doing a wonderful job for you son and family.

Organising an event like Christmas Day is hard work, it just is. You do it because it's worth it to put some effort in and get a magic day. If you just 'chilled out' and left it, how would it pan out? A holiday to remember for all the wrong reasons.

Hope it works out. Santa's been in our house ( using his own paper) :)

Haven't thought about it before but if this cropped up as a question from the kids I'd simply say 'Santa' uses whatever paper is already in the house when he arrives.

I get you are cross but honestly I think this is the camel straw.

Another mum having painkillers ten minutes early here. A Christmas treat to myself and one I rarely allow, being so strict about dosage and timings.

Merry Christmas OP. I hope it’s a peaceful and comfortable day.

🎄🎁🍾

@A1ways It's funny how precise we are with timings and dosages, when the reality of how our bodies metabolise medication means it's not really an exact dose at all!! My Pain Clinic doctor taught me that and it has stayed with me.

Merry Christmas everyone! All has gone well, DS can't smell wee and DH has gone back to sleep. It's going to be a long day but very happy one.

DH got me exactly what I had asked for, and also a book I didn't ask for. He chose really well and has truly redeemed himself. 🥰

Hope today is all going well for you. And to all those who have shared days with exe's and haven't opened presents yet, the best bits are still to come! Merry Christmas.