To make DH unwrap and rewrap presents for me?

[MincePieMum]

I want him to re-wrap my presents in the correct paper. Am I being a dick? Sorry this is long.

Every year DH stays up until 12/1/2am Christmas Eve and our DS is still young and giddy with excitement; he's prone to waking veeerrry early Christmas Day. Last year it was 4am and we did everything we could to get him back to bed but failed. This year will be no different. DH is then grumpy all day as he's not had enough sleep. Always promises next year will be different. I've been trying really hard to make this year easy on all of us. I've been wrapping a few presents a night for most of December.

I have done all the present buying for everyone including his family. Including oversees family and getting cards and presents written/posted in time.

We both work full time. He finished for Christmas more than a week ago, he had all of last week off. I finished for Christmas on Saturday lunchtime.

We've just had a massive argument over Christmas presents.

I asked him to come upstairs and help me sort through presents as I was having a massive twitch over DS present pile looking expensively small. He asked "do I have to do it now?" And I replied "how long shall I wait for you?" It turns out he meant to say "I don't want to, can't you worry about it now, then fix it all for us so that I can carry on not giving a fuck?"

When he finally came up to help, we went through it all and he agrees the pile and stocking are both small. Now he wants to buy cheap plastic tat to pad it out with. I don't as I've done this in previous years. DS doesn't play with the tat and it will still be littering our planet 1000 years from now, still with the gift tag on. I'm being negative apparently.

I suggested giving one of my presents to DS instead. One of the presents I bought myself and put in a box in his wardrobe, in front of him, saying "here are 3 Christmas presents I really want this year. I bought them, all you need to do is wrap them". Because I tried the same thing last year and he didn't bother to wrap the present I bought myself, he just moved it along the shelf a little towards my side of the bed. Didn't put it under the tree or give it to me in person. So when I suggested my present for DS, he looked completely blank. He'd forgotten.

I asked what he had wrapped last week when he made a big show of hiding upstairs to wrap, when he'd been home alone all day and I'd just got in with DS from school and needed a quick turnaround to get him back out for football. No he hadnt cooked dinner.
He has got me other things, which is great, but it turns out he has used the paper that is only for gifts that come from Santa.

I had told him I was doing this. I told him last year that we should have separate paper, but he refused as he'd left everything to the last minute. I don't want a present for DS from Santa to be wrapped in the same paper as a present from DH to me. DS is going to suss and I'd rather not risk it. He agreed or he didn't listen and nodded in the right places.

So we've argued about all of this because I'm pissed and wouldn't let him off the hook. I'm not going to back down on this. Unless the general consensus is that I'm being a dick.

bluewidow so sorry for your loss. It must be especially hard at this time of year. Wishing you and your family as merry a Christmas as possible and a happier 2019.

Lots of people see Christmas as a time when their parents fell out a lot, argued or even split up. That memory remains with them, and they do one of 2 things. Try to create the perfect Christmas for their own children, or try to ignore Christmas completely. When my children were little, I did the former. I wanted perfection and expected my first DH to go along with it. It ruined Christmas for me for many years!
It took a long time for me to realise that Christmas can be just as enjoyable without all the rigmarole that we create! So now, I do all the food and gift shopping but only buy my DH and adult children gifts. We all swap wish lists and buy each other things off the list. I've never used different paper from Santa 😫😫 and my DCs were not traumatised. I leave my DH to do whatever he wants, but know that he is chief cleaner upper and I'm chief cook. Christmas is delightful and my now grown up girls recreate the kind of Christmas I gave them.
Unfortunately some people just try too hard and the stress levels just go through the roof. Usually because their partners don't feel the same way.

How old are you? One day, when you'll deal with rpoerly stressful events, you'll realise as such matters are meaningless and not worth the negative energy you are putting into it.

I used to be like you, giving all I had to give in perfection and expecting everyone around me to adhere to to the standards. Then I realised how unpleasant it made me to be around because I was stressing everyone.

It took a hleath scare to realise that life is not about perfection but about elbeing grateful for what zlI have. No one is perfect but they become so when we accpt them as they are.

You are putting too much attention to what doesn't matter much and Ignoring what does. Tomorrow, you'll wake up in a position many people in this world will envy, a comfy house, a husband who loves you, an adorable excited child, all so precious. So what if your son comments on the wrapping paper? I had this happened and I said that Santa had realised that he'd run out and used ours and wasn't it great to know that Santa had a tuslly stopped at our house for a bit of time whilst rudolph and Co were packed on our roof!

Our memories are of laughing at that statement which they believed in rather than memories of tension and arguments.

You sound like hard work, paper just from santa? Couldn't be arsed with that.

I figured out Santa wasn't real, very young, because I noticed he had the same wrapping paper as us, and I wasn't satisfied with my mother's explanation as to why.

It seems like the most family money will end up being spent on you and, yet, you are still resentful that these self-bought treats have not yet been wrapped

Where the fuck did you get this from?! 😂

Do people's children really notice this in the excitement of Christmas morning?

Genuinely asking, as I don't have children - thinking back to my own childhood, I'd never have registered which presents were wrapped in what paper; I just believed they all came from Father Christmas.

Cheby,

OP said she bought herself 3 presents and her husband also bought her presents. Unless they are crazy, there is a limit as to what you can spend on a 7 year old.

So, logically, who is (probably) receiving the greatest value of presents?

find it more weird that parents spend their own money on gifts then let kids think they’re from Santa. I want the credit for buying the gifts! Of course you put in your order with Santa and he brings the presents but why do you want your kids to think they aren’t ultimately bought by you?!

Well I don't need the "credit" for all my children's presents, they get enough of us anyway and I have always loved the feelings around Santa and Christmas. Why would I need my children to think I had bought them everything, I don't buy them presents for the "credit"!

Screaming,

Yes they do. I realised about Santa (I had had my doubts for ages, not being totally thick) when I saw price tags accidentally left on by my mother.

I was about 4 or 5.

My children guessed from a very young age too. For me it is hard to counter intelligent logical questions with answers about magic dust helping wingless animals fly etc etc.

Santa paper?!! Is this really a thing? I never took notice of the wrapping paper when I was a kid. Seriously, people are really making things hard for themselves!!!

As pp said, the world will not implode if different paper is used. If "Santa paper" has been made a thing in your house before then you've made a rod for your own back, honestly. Be inventive and say that the same paper is available everywhere...even in Lapland and hasn't Santa got good taste!

As for your DH. Things do need to improve there. Talk before next Christmas so that he is clear what he's supposed to be doing and by when. And then please be grateful you have a family to share Christmas with. It's not about presents it's about being thankful for each other.

Why have you done all the Christmas arrangements? That is your mistake as much as your DH . You are being ridiculous over the wrapping paper- it does not matter! If that is what bothers you, you aren’t getting pleasure in giving presents.

Having thought a bit more, is your husband a lazy arse or does he not do it because you will always find fault because it isn't done your way?

Never heard anything so silly in all my life, and posting on here about it makes it even more pathetic.

I feel very sad for you op.

I don't think you are wrong either- it's clearly the straw that broke the camels back. He's had all last week to sort shit out and he hasn't.

You can't make him change. You need to decide what's acceptable to you. Make his family presents his problem. Stop going to any effort for him.

And yes tell him to rewrap the presents today.

Don't really get why you are getting such a hard time OP, esp over having to buy your own presents. We do Santa wrapping paper too as those ones don't have labels so needs to be different and don't understand why pp think it's so difficult buying and wrapping in different paper.
If you think your son will notice and you want to keep the magic alive for him then I do understand why you'd want him to re-wrap and if he hasn't done anything else this year and you've done everything it doesn't seem unreasonable to ask him to do this one simple thing to save any awkward questions from your DS.
But I wouldn't bother starting a fight over it if he doesn't, stick them in a gift bag and open them while DS is preoccupied and next year split the duties fairly.
Too easy to get stressed out this time of year- I got worried because I wasn't crazy on Santa's wrapping paper this year but had bought it already, then realised how stupid this was. Also sympathise with the small pile thing, have spent a small fortune on DD1 and realised last night it's a tiny pile, but am refusing to get worked up about it now and keep reminding myself of all the children who will have nothing every day of the year, so instead of buying more, I'd donate that money x

I figured out Santa wasn't real, very young, because I noticed he had the same wrapping paper as us, and I wasn't satisfied with my mother's explanation as to why
So that was the trigger rather than being made to believe that a man travel in the air with raindeers? Really?
And is there a glory with kids finding out the truth the later possible? DD realised at 6, and then let it slip the year after when ds was only 4. Is he traumatised for finding two years earlier than her?

Honestly, be grateful to have a lovely family to spend the day with.

How to stop being a martyr - this year I sat DH down with my bullet journal and made him to all the thinking. Who do we need to buy , what shall we get them, where from. He was really tired by the end. But I didnt feel burnt out and he took the initiative to wrap - and was ticking them off in the bullet journal as he went ❤. And yes used one set of wrapping paper for their santa presents.

Agree with Larry - don't let your child argue that Santa is real in school if his classmates have already discovered The Truth.

He's 7 and other kids at school are already saying Santa isn't real. He's questioning it and I'm trying to squeeze as many 'believing' years as I can.
It's not kind to do this if the others know it's a charming fiction, and actually from what you say in the rest of your posts, I suspect trying to stretch as many believing years as possible out of your child is about your view of Christmas and maybe your experience of Christmas morning, and not about what might best serve your child's interests among his peers. He will be teased and mocked about this.

This is not a performance and you are not a choreographer.

Why are more posters not shocked that you buy your own presents?! Wtf?! Is this normal or something?
It depends on the present whether it's ok or not.
DH has a hobby requiring technical stuff that I don't really understand or care about Usually he will send me a list of links of things he would like or if he is already doing an order then he'll sometimes put his own present in the basket and get it. We have a joint account so why pay 2 lots of international postage for delivery?

We do other surprise presents but it's not unheard of for us to order our own. Neither of us would consider it acceptable to have to buy all our own presents.

And I don't know why you are stressed about plastic tat still going strong a thousand years from now but not bothered by the massive waste of resources that is wrapping paper.

Ha ha the thing that would make me go ballistic is the nudging of the present you bought yourself towards your side of the bed, and considering that to be a satisfactory Christmas present. If you bought him a present this year...more fool you.

All of that stress over some wrapping paper.

Get a grip what are you 8 years old?

Grow. Up.

I’m feeling very sad at some those answers.
The ones about lowering your expectations for example. Or been kind to each other.

Is it really having high expectations to hope for something else than carpet cleaner for Christmas???
Is it having high expectations to expect your DH to be organised enough to not be wrapping until god knows what time in Christmas Eve so that they are nit grumpy all day Christmas Day?
Is it really having expectations than expecting him to listen to you when you agree TOGETHER what organisation there will be for Christmas?
And is it also being kind to do nothing re Christmas, lie about wrapping presents etc... and then expect your partner to sort it all out?
Is it being kind to your partner to not ever listen to what is important to them and ignore their wishes?

Seriously, I’m sad at low the standards are for some of you.

@Bluewidow I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure Christmas is very difficult when you have lost a loved one. I am most definitely grateful for having my family around me, thank you for giving me a well worded nudge.