To make DH unwrap and rewrap presents for me?

[MincePieMum]

I want him to re-wrap my presents in the correct paper. Am I being a dick? Sorry this is long.

Every year DH stays up until 12/1/2am Christmas Eve and our DS is still young and giddy with excitement; he's prone to waking veeerrry early Christmas Day. Last year it was 4am and we did everything we could to get him back to bed but failed. This year will be no different. DH is then grumpy all day as he's not had enough sleep. Always promises next year will be different. I've been trying really hard to make this year easy on all of us. I've been wrapping a few presents a night for most of December.

I have done all the present buying for everyone including his family. Including oversees family and getting cards and presents written/posted in time.

We both work full time. He finished for Christmas more than a week ago, he had all of last week off. I finished for Christmas on Saturday lunchtime.

We've just had a massive argument over Christmas presents.

I asked him to come upstairs and help me sort through presents as I was having a massive twitch over DS present pile looking expensively small. He asked "do I have to do it now?" And I replied "how long shall I wait for you?" It turns out he meant to say "I don't want to, can't you worry about it now, then fix it all for us so that I can carry on not giving a fuck?"

When he finally came up to help, we went through it all and he agrees the pile and stocking are both small. Now he wants to buy cheap plastic tat to pad it out with. I don't as I've done this in previous years. DS doesn't play with the tat and it will still be littering our planet 1000 years from now, still with the gift tag on. I'm being negative apparently.

I suggested giving one of my presents to DS instead. One of the presents I bought myself and put in a box in his wardrobe, in front of him, saying "here are 3 Christmas presents I really want this year. I bought them, all you need to do is wrap them". Because I tried the same thing last year and he didn't bother to wrap the present I bought myself, he just moved it along the shelf a little towards my side of the bed. Didn't put it under the tree or give it to me in person. So when I suggested my present for DS, he looked completely blank. He'd forgotten.

I asked what he had wrapped last week when he made a big show of hiding upstairs to wrap, when he'd been home alone all day and I'd just got in with DS from school and needed a quick turnaround to get him back out for football. No he hadnt cooked dinner.
He has got me other things, which is great, but it turns out he has used the paper that is only for gifts that come from Santa.

I had told him I was doing this. I told him last year that we should have separate paper, but he refused as he'd left everything to the last minute. I don't want a present for DS from Santa to be wrapped in the same paper as a present from DH to me. DS is going to suss and I'd rather not risk it. He agreed or he didn't listen and nodded in the right places.

So we've argued about all of this because I'm pissed and wouldn't let him off the hook. I'm not going to back down on this. Unless the general consensus is that I'm being a dick.

OP, you are infantilising this man and then wondering why he is so useless. It seems that you have very fixed ideas about christmas and the gifts you want and because he won't do exactly what you want you get pissed off at him and take away his responsibility to do these things.

Oh for goodness sakes, Santa Claus DOES NOT EXIST! As he is a fantasy figure why would he care about wrapping paper?

Grow up.

Santa Claus DOES NOT EXIST! As he is a fantasy figure why would he care about wrapping paper?

He doesn't care that much about wrapping paper ,but he doesn't use the sane wrapping paper as your parents. That's common sense.

and as to whether or not not he exists, ...

same

Bloody hell
At least your DH actually wraps 🙄

Your DH sounds lazy but YABU to be wrapping presents every evening in December You have one dc! Next year just buy a couple of gifts for dc and forget everything else, certainly don't bother with o/s family of DH. You can be done wrapping in 30 mins using the paper of your choice.

Make a resolution that next year you'll do more for yourself and less that panders to your husband or your son. The issues with your husband have been covered already, but you're also setting yourself up for martyrdom by running yourself ragged after your son - beyond even what's expected for parenting. Tell him no getting up before 6am, and if he gets up at 4am he will have to go back to bed in case he disturbs Santa still on his rounds. Take back your own present - it's yours. If your son 'needs' another present, buy one, but I don't think you constantly putting yourself last helps with any of this.

YANBU
I have bought a few presents for myself from DH. He has got me stuff as well.
We have a complicated wrapping paper system here too, again to keep DS (6) believing as long as possible.
If DH hadn’t followed the system he would be re wrapping. Fortunately he wouldn’t argue - we’ve been married long enough for him to know it’s pointless
Merry Christmas!

I started out intending to say valium might well be a good idea.

However, I think that might come across as facetious or even hurtful.

So instead I will suggest that the way to stop being a martyr is to stop doing the things martyrs do and the way to stop being disappointed is to give DH one chance to understand what it is that you want from him, and then accept that he won't or can't do that for you if that is the case. Then move on and do whatever you want for yourself.

Disappointment:
Buy your own gifts. Do not buy them on behalf of DH. Do not wrap them.
Enjoy them. Stop resenting the fact that you 'have to' do this because your DH is shit at gift giving. Appreciate the fact that you are able to afford something nice for yourself and get it.
Anything DH gets you that is nice is a bonus. If you don't like what he gets you - i.e. not a bonus, just an irritation - simply throw it out and cast it out of your mind. No resenting of boxes of crap from Boots. Out of sight, out of mind.

Martyring yourself:
Stop buying, wrapping, organising the postage for DH's family gifts. Just don't do it. So the family gets nothing. This is not your problem. (Send them an email in advance as Sloth suggests).
Stop wrapping everything for Christmas. There is no need to add an extra layer of work to an already busy season. Tell DS that Santa has gone green. At 7 DS no longer needs a pile of presents to make Christmas fantastic. If he gets a few things that he wanted then Santa has done her job. Stop fretting about how DS will feel.

You fret about DH's family's reaction to you not doing DH's duty too.
So you need to stop fretting about other people's feelings, stop trying to control how they will feel about you, and maybe stop equating doing everything exactly as you want it done with love and affection.

You don't have to live up to the standards DS has been used to up to now, and you don't have to keep on doing something that your DH should be doing just because you have already done it for so long now.
Martyring is a form of control.

YYY to everything Slothslothsloth said.

Why not do the Martin Lewis "no Christmas presents" one year instead of you buying for his family. Give a donation to a charity instead - problem solved! Sure DH will fix it if he doesn't agree.
If you sort everything all the time people become accustomed to that unfortunately.

Ynbu

You've done everything. It's shit.

If DH hadn’t followed the system he would be re wrapping.

If I was your DH and you said that to me we'd be divorcing.

Agree withmath anxiety. My impression is that you have a very fixed idea about Christmas and what “ought” or “needs” to be done. Your DH does not share that, and I suspect that his behaviour is passive aggressive, that is, instead of disagreeing with your approach, he gives lip service, then does not follow through.
I think you need to have a perhaps difficult conversation about what he wants Christmas to be like versus what you want. He needs to be invested in your definition of Christmas, but clearly is not.
I am older than you but we now only do, eat, give exactly what we feel comfortable with, as a result, we enjoy Christmas much more.
My DP’s idea of a Christmas present is an “order”. I must tell him exactly what I want, then he buys it. Drives me nuts, but I accept that is the way he is.
Ditch the sending presents to all & sundry especially abroad. Charity donation instead, maybe?

Why don't you all go away somewhere for Christmas next year and leave all this stress behind?

OP s only trying to make Christmas special for everyone, Jesus give her a break. Why are some women totally incapable of understanding that there is always that one strand of straw that breaks the camels back, in this case the wrapping paper. She is NBU or a martyr, she's just had enough & wanted to vent.

OP today make DH wrap the presents BEFORE 5pm, then tell him that once DC are in bed, he's sorting a takeaway & a nice bottle of wine & his job is to wait on you hand & foot. That's doable, even for a lazy arse x

Nothing pisses me off more than people who slate long posts. If it's too short it's 'OMG it's a fucking drip feed',too long 'OMG I lost the will to live'.

Stop reading & move on to another post, don't have a go at someone who is trying to give the detail so others understand the whole situation.

I actually get a bit of what you’re upset about
The presents from Father Christmas DO need to be wrapped in separate paper and then the paper hidden away ( written with bitter experience)
However the rest of your rant sounds so sad. Is it not possible just to enjoy your family and to enjoy the fact that you’re all together. Many or few gifts for your child will be forgotten by the beginning of the new school term. In the greater scheme of things it really doesn’t matter

I used to do the Santa paper thing. I imagine it's pretty common when DC are small. It's done for a reason, and yes I am aware that Santa doesn't actually exist but it's a magical story for children for a few short years, is it not??

OP, you sound so disappointed, and I'm not surprised. Carpet cleaner ffs. That's the context of this. Years of the equivalent of more carpet cleaner.

DH should help with xmas
You mentioned plastic tat being no good for the planet, neither is re-wrapping presents
If DS is old enough to suss wrapping paper he is old enough to go back to bed at 4am

You sound like an absolute nightmare Your husband isn't as fussy and regimented aa you and doesn't have to do what you tell him.

Forget what is wrapped in what. It really doesn't matter!

Stop enabling DH to be a useless twat. You need to step back and let him do half. Make a spreadsheet so he can clearly see what he needs to do

The wrapping paper is irrelevant

I’ve always wrapped everyone’s presents in the same paper.

My DC believed in Santa until they were 11.

I think this is a massive over reaction but probably based on you being pissed at having to do everything. Which I get.

Your husband sounds like he could do more.
But the simple solution RE: Paper. If it even gets noticed “Daddy was in such a rush he forgot to get wrapping paper in Sainsbury’s, but thankfully Santa and the elves knew and delivered daddy some wrapping paper, isn’t that kind?”

It would be utterly absurd to unwrap & chuck decent wrapping paper away

Hey OP, you've missed the point of Christmas entirely. Get some rest. Be kind to each other. Happy Christmas.

You sound like a nightmare. Think about what you're arguing about. Wrong wrapping paper?? Small pile of presents? Get a fucking grip and reality check. Your dh sounds lazy but you sound so irritating and insufferable. So what if your ds sees the same wrapping paper? Is he a snowflake.